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Original poster

How would you feel if your son/daughter was gay?

110 replies

morningpaper · 31/03/2005 21:08

How would you feel if your son or daughter was gay?

I've had several friends make comments which imply that this would devastate them, which I find really odd. Why would people feel like that, in this day and age? Is it just homophobia?

It has also devastated a family I know who have found out that their 20 year-old daughter is gay.

Personally if dd was a lesbian, the only thing that comes to mind is 'thank goodness she won't get pregnant by mistake.'

How would you feel and why?

OP posts:
Original poster
morningpaper · 31/03/2005 21:25

very true

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 31/03/2005 21:29

fine about it. his sex life/preferences aren't my business. after even if your kid is straight they may not be interested in having a family/relationship or even necessarily in sex.

dot1 · 31/03/2005 21:36

Ah yes - that was one of the first things that my Mum said when I came out to her ("you'll never have a family - you'll be lonely all your life"). Two kids later I sometimes wish I was!!

But I know this is going to sound strange/not very PC, but dp and I really hope our ds's aren't gay... not because we'd have a problem with it, but because we know how difficult it is out there sometimes if you're gay - even in a not overtly homophobic environment - it's hard to have to weigh up answers to questions, think all the time about how much you're going to reveal to people you don't know etc.etc... So much easier to be straight! Also, we really don't want people thinking that somehow our sons would inevitably turn out gay because of being brought up by us - which we know is nonsense, but other people might not.

So ds1 (3 years old)is currently giving us heart attacks with his passion for all things pink and Barbie, love of wearing skirts and Mummies' shoes (unfortunately not "fabulous" Mother Inferior!!!!), loving having his toenails varnished and wanting nice gold earrings like the girl in his class..!!

sansouci · 31/03/2005 21:39

Just asked dh. "I would be most disappointed." says he. "Why?" I ask. No answer. Time to get off MN for a 'small chat' with dh...

mummylonglegs · 31/03/2005 21:50

My brother is gay so it's been normal for me in my life. Plus I've always been involved in the art world where there's more gays than straights.

I might worry about having a gay son who couldn't handle the often promiscuous side of relationships. And I would worry about having either a gay son or daughter if they really wanted to have children and it was impossible.

trefusis · 31/03/2005 21:59

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Lonelymum · 31/03/2005 22:01

To be completely honest, I think I would feel sad at first but I think I would soon come to terms with it and it would probably be good for all concerned.

Donbean · 31/03/2005 22:04

I have a very good friend whos son came out to her and her dh about 2 years ago. I personally knew that he was gay, dont ask me how, i just knew.
Any way she was devastated absolutely devastated and described it as a bereavement. She felt grief for the person that she thought was her son, for the person she had future aspirations for and for the life ahead which she had hopes for. And yes for her grandchildren that she could see no possibility of ever having.
I had never thought of it in this way and thought that when he finally came out that she would have no problem with it because she is so accepting, open minded and relaxed about most things.
I was very surprised by her reaction.
Any how, bit by bit and over time she has come to be happy for her son....because he is.
I think to myself that whatever ds is in his life, he will be good at it and will be happy with it. This will include his life choices and life style.
I cant possibly say though until faced with stuff. Its like how i have reacted to becoming a mother, i didnt react at all how i thought i would, actual situations can change your perspective completely.

paolosgirl · 31/03/2005 22:08

I would hope that I would support them and continue to love them in exactly the same way I do now.

I know it sounds awful, but I think I could cope with my son being gay more than I could my daughter.

Original poster
morningpaper · 31/03/2005 22:11

Donbean: perhaps if you really had no idea, and you had this idea of your child being a certain way and your hopes for them were a certain thing... then it might be a real shock to discover that their future isn't going to be what you thought it was? (I don't know, I'm just speculating!)

OP posts:
Donbean · 31/03/2005 22:15

Yes that sounds right but just at the moment i cant see past tonight and getting sleep never mind who he will bring home at age 16!
DH and i sometimes look at him and say "wonder what he will be when he grows up?" but it makes me a little sad to think of the future because he wont be my baby for ever to cuddle and make me smile whenever i think of him which is practically every minuit of every day!

jampots · 31/03/2005 22:17

I would be fine if my children were happy with their choice be it male or female. As long as their partner was good for them and cared then its cool with me - not so with dh though

lavenderrr · 31/03/2005 22:17

I would find it quite hard to come to terms with but as they are my children I would support them 110% in anything they ever do, would find ds being gay as hard as dd being gay btw.

kama · 31/03/2005 22:20

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QueenEagle · 31/03/2005 22:40

No problem at all so long at it was a happy relationship. Wouldn't like it if my dd was a militant man-hater though.

What would you think if your kids were bisexual? Would it be different then?

lavenderrr · 31/03/2005 22:41

not as bad but would take a little while to get used to it.

ScummyMummy · 31/03/2005 22:49

I'll be disappointed if they're straight. Gay children are the ultimate accolade for a guardianista parent, no?

unicorn · 31/03/2005 22:50

lol scummsy!!

QueenEagle · 31/03/2005 22:51

SM

kama · 31/03/2005 22:53

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QueenEagle · 31/03/2005 22:58

I don't have much respect either for people who just say they are something to fit in, whatever it is.

I know gays don't have much time for those who are bisexual, maybe they see it as hedging their bets or something? Surely being bisexual is not a choice either but part of you like eye colour, the same as being gay is?

motherinferior · 31/03/2005 23:06

But (unless you are in the blissful position of having Scummy as your mummy, for which I have already applied) most of us feel a lot more pressure to 'fit in' by being heterosexual, kama.

lou33 · 01/04/2005 01:00

i wouldn't mind at all as long as they were happy in their relationship

kama · 01/04/2005 02:03

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expatkat · 01/04/2005 04:09

My situation is exactly the same as mummylonglegs'I echo her post & her views. In the case of my brother, it was devastating to watch my parents' lack of acceptance. When my brother came out to my parents when he was 20, the first thing my mother said to him was, "I'd better not see you on television marching in any pro-gay ralliesit would humiliate me." To this day they refuse to tell any of their "friends" why my brother isn't marrying a suitable girl, though I argue that their "friends" aren't actually "friends" if they would pass judgment.

I often think it's quite possible that ds, with his insistence on being a stylist when he grows up, will grow up to be gay, and I am so heartened to hear the general tone of acceptance on this thread.