Bit of background... I work part-time (3 days) and have a nanny for my 2 boys on those days. She works the rest of the week as a nanny/housekeeper for another family (we don't know them, they live in another area) who also have 2 boys, 6 and 4.
Both boys are at school, and childcare on the other 3 days of the week for them is a local woman who does school runs and after school. This woman contacted my nanny this week to tell her that the mother had explained that they are using 2 particular punishments for the 4yo at the moment, because she wanted this woman to use them also, when necessary. They are putting him in a dark room, and putting him in a cold shower. This is because he is scared of the dark, and hates being cold, and so these punishments are designed to really "get through" to him.
The mother has not asked my nanny to use these punishments, and we suspect that this is because she knows my nanny (who is very experienced and very lovely) would say no and would express concern about their appropriateness.
I know all of this is third-hand, and my nanny has never witnessed anything of the sort, and doesn't know how long he is left in the dark/the shower (the woman didn't say how long it was meant to be for). She has also said that he is a very defiant little boy, who is fairly impervious to other sanctions, such as removal of privileges, sending to room etc. But the things he is being punished for are, to my mind, fairly trivial - back chat, throwing food, spitting etc. Hardly the crimes of the century, however infuriating they can be.
So my nanny is concerned, as am I - it's a bit bloody Dickensian, isn't it? I feel very sorry for him (a bit worried that, from what my nanny has said, he seems to be a bit of a family scapegoat, which is awful) and that these punishments are really very cruel.
Not sure what to do - think contacting social services seems a bit ott. Plus, this is an ostensibly very nice, middle class family (mum is a doctor) etc etc. But maybe if I contacted them, they could offer family therapy, or something? Or am I being a bleeding-heart sticky-beak? My gut reaction when my nanny told me this was that this was very wrong and upsetting, but thought I'd try to canvass some views from others.
Thanks in advance.