ExH sending abusive texts threatening to take my kids off me coz I'm an awful parent..... humour me...

[Toothache]

Ok... so it'll be 3 years in June since he assaulted me in my bed, pled guilty and was exonerating.

He didn't see his kids for the 6 months after that.... phoned occasionally.

Ds is now 7.5 and dd is 4.5 years old. He sees them every Sunday overnight. Only after MANY Solicitors letters back and forth trying to get him to committ to 1 day every week.

He stays with his girlfriend of about 2 years who I get along fine with.

He gave up a Managers job of 4 years in August to work on the fly to avoid CSA payments (don't worry.... that's all in hand, couldn't let THAT one lie....watch this space. ).

Anyhoo.... so far his reasons for saying I'm a scumbag parent are:

1. I don't sit at the table with them when they're eating dinner.... I sit 6 feet away in the living room (its open plan).

2. I don't bath them every night.

3. I'm a slut apparently! Chance would be a fiiiiiine thing.

So... do you think he's got a case for full custody???

I would start by logging his text messages- with thge police if necessary, certainly with your solicitor.

The Police DV unit took note of the abusive texts I was sent.

Sounds like an arse.

He texted me tonight saying that I should die in a car crash... preferrably this Sunday night when he has the kids.

Do you think that constitutes a threat?

He also sent a text saying he was laughing out loud at the fact he managed to buy them good christmas presents this year coz I'm not getting a penny of his money now for my "fucking shoe fund".

Lol... I do like shooooooes.

Take the texts to your local police station, so they have it on record in case you want to take it further ever.

Think we have the same ex, I am so tempted to sometimes just walk lovingly with male friends past ex's house just to say yes I am a slut and what???

ooooo another text just in! hang on...

take them to the police, do you have a non-molestation order agianst him toothy?

Apparently my kids are scared of me and that makes me unfit.... he added, we know, my family knows....everyone knows... watch this space.

I do shout alot... enough for him to get custody!?

imho if he's sending you texts like that he shouldn't have his kids staying with him as he sounds threatening & violent. Contact the police & your lawyer.

toothy i have been having this exact same problem with mine, and ended up reporting him for harassment which they took v seriously

you can email me if you like

morticiatsf at google mail dot com

Thanks Lou33 - will do!
He's casting up my PND from 6 years ago.

Ds is seeing a Clinical Psychologist at the mo to help him work out some of the emotional problems he's had since the split.

I know ds has said before he's scared of me because I shout at him.

Another text from exH. I asked him if he was going to fight me for custody and his reply was:

"not going to fit, just sit back and wait for you to fuck up and the lottery cheque to clear. Happy New Year Imbecile"

by lottery cheque he's referring to the money he's fleeced me for on my house. My house I paid for it all, he was more or less a kept man. But coz we were married he was entitled to half the equity at date of separation. Worked out at £7250.... which I have to pay despite him not paying maintenance now.

Yup. Call the police. Keep texts.

toothy are you sure about that? Who is main carer for your children, do you have joint care?

Work on the shouting then, sit down with your ds and talk to him and come to an agreeemnt that you wont shout if he will listen to you when you ask him something etc.

Would the book 'How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk ' help you at all, I'm sure Cod recommendedaaages ago and she spoke sense.

I yell at my girls when I reach the end of my tether, as a general rule tho, it happens so rarely that they promptly do exactly as I'm bawling...

Your ex sounds like a complete arse, is he sitting on his backside all day is that why he got such a huge chunk of equity in the settlement?

i've had v similar messages, and i split with mine 3 yrs ago too

Toothy hello! Why are xs such arses?

Kepp the texts and show the police he has been there already and let him know when you have done it not before.

Keep a diary of his threats and behaviours. He hasnt got a cat in hells chance. How are you in all of this?

I'm the main carer. I had to chase him to even have regular access with them! He has never tried to get any sort of custody, he willingly signed that over to me about a 2 years ago.

The equity in the house was about £20k each.... we took off half the joint marital debt so he was left with £7250.

He is total scum.

so in view of the fact he isn't paying maintenance for the children and you are the main carer how did he end up walking off with such a huge amount of equity???

How often does he have the children, if he refuses maybe it's worth just letting him disappear. Given that he's being such a twunt whilst caring for them. I mean yeah I can see how wonderful a parent he is, sending abusive texts to the mother of his children whilst he's meant to be taking care of his children.

Oh toothache sorry to hear he's being such an arse. Do you think he'd really want to look after the kids or is he just trying to get at you?

Fuzzywuzzy - as far as the law is concerned.... they are 2 separate unrelated issues.

CSA have been taking money off him for 2 years... he gave up work August 2008 and took great delight in texting me to tell me I wouldn't be getting anymore money from him.

He's just texted that ds mentions a different guys name every other week. And that I've to stop bringing men home to my kids and start being a mother. WTF?

They've met 2 boyfriends.... and Ive been single for 7 mths.

lol.... if it wasn't so tragic I'd be laughing!

He's definitely just trying to get at me. He can't wait to ditch them whem he's had them a night! He has been known to drop them off at my Mums rather than hang on 2 hours until I get home.
twat.

toothy, i got exactly the same from mine

Lou33 - He's not a Scouser is he? lol

I've sent you an MSN invitation... but I don't know if you have the application?

i have msn but not on that email address

email me ont he one i gave you and will give you my msn addy

oh wait, i added you on msn, all you have to do is accept

HIya... I've just had an msn request... I assume it's you! lol

If you report to Police and wish to pursue the matter, they would consider that he is following a course of conduct that constitutes harassment. He may be issued with a warning either in person or on the phone and then if he continues he would be arrestable. Keep the messages to show them and avoid replying to them.