Was anyone NOT hit when they were growing up?

[bohemianbint]

Following on from my other thread, have been talking to DH who was leathered when he was growing up, as was I. We were talking about whether this happened to everyone - I have a few friends who I don't think were hit, but I can't be sure.

So, was it most people's experience because it was accepted that that's how you did it?

(I recently told my father that we would not be hitting our children and he said, "but how will they learn?" )

my mother taught me to ride a bike without stabalisers by chasing me down the road with a wooden spoon. i was 3.

i still flinch when she opens a drawer when we're having a fight.

she smacked me, hit me with whatever came to hand, threw things at me and once chased me around the garden with a stick because i 'used her favourite glass'

my dad on the other hand never once raised a finger to me.... but he never stopped her either.

Can I just ask a quesstion please?

Those of you who were shouted at /told to shut up/feared violence (even if none actually happened) has it affected you/your relationship wtih that parent? Do you love/trust them as much as the other parent?

I am referring here very much to verbal violence not physical and not the extreme type being abuse.

I can't answer your question for everyone lisa, I don't trust my mother, I dislike being around her and often struggle to talk to her after her behaviour towards me as a child. Any abuse affects a relationship. I don't trust other people either so it's not just my relationship with her that's been damaged. I do often think about what she did, the humiliation etc. I spent along time wishing they were not my family, I was swapped at birth etc. I would have loved boarding school.

scrooged.... i used to wish my parents would divorce and my dad would marry someone nice and ask me to come live with him... i figured seeing as my mom clearly didn't like me vewry much she wouldn't object. i'd metally matchmake him with random women i came across

My parents didn't pay any attention to me. My dad had a alcohol problem, my mum was a cow. I was bullied at school because I was poor and very bright and they didn't even notice. It went on for years until I left. They didn't notice anything apart from me not doing the washing up or the cleaning.

lisalisa I dont hold any hate towards either parent to be honest, they did what they thought best at the time. I sometimes find i dont get on with my mum as much. She certainly has rose tinted glasses when she talks to anyone about us as children. Dad has said sorry a few years back.

I wish I could convey properly how furious I would have been if my parents had touched me ever in such a disrespectful way in public or otherwise[stories of smacking bare bums~ and quite old as well].Its disgraceful,now or then and must have been very traumatic and caused a lot of anger .How awful for you I can't believe it.

Mum once walloped me with shoes lined up in our hall. I was on the floor and hysterical by the time she'd finished - I guess I was 7 or 8. . I don't remember being hit much apart from this, but the threat was there.

My biggest horror was discovering age 5 that it was ok for your TEACHERS to smack you really hard for muddling up your sums.

Still pissed off at teachers for this, and think if they were allowed...how many would continue this appalling 'discipline'.

We were occasionally smacked either with hand or wooden spoon. I can remember some times but mostly remember the times mum would scream at us saying "That's it I'm leaving and you can fend for yourselves" and would drive off in the car. Used to terrify me no end, would never quite know if she would come back or not but she did. Have not smacked ds and hope to keep it that way, have not done the "I'm leaving" thing either but have said at least twice "I can't do this, I've nothing left ds" which I feel awful about as this to me feels the same way as when mum used to leave us.

I don't recall being smacked i think i may have been once or twice when i was very young. I have occasionally smacked my children and feel deeply ashamed of it as it has been through me losing my temper and not being able to cope.

wOW, this is interesting.

I remember being smacked regularly, more often by my dad who is very mild mannered. My mum slapped me on the face once and called me a bitch - I thought that happened to everyone.

My step-father chased me up the stairs with a knife

I have never hit DS and hope I never will.

I was smacked by my parents, and I did use slapping as punishment on my DS when he was a toddler as I didn't know how to discipline him otherwise and I used to cry every time I'd do it - so much for teaching him right from wrong. I am so greatful to Supernanny as she has taught me effective discipline without slapping. Thankfully, ds is now 8 and doesn't remember being slapped. My 2 dd's have never been slapped.
However, I very much object to the new form of childcare where you don't punish your child or tell them what they've done is naughty....

never ever not even a smack. god knows how my parents managed to resist when we were teenagers

I was smacked by my dad when I was wee and remember how distressing and humilating it was. When we were older he would sometimes hit us. Worse than that was the constant shouting and verbal abuse. Having the threat of violence hang over your head is awful and I never want to hit my children.

Never. Dh occasionally had the slipper as a child, and when we met he thought this would be OK, but has come round to my view that it's just not acceptable.

Neither of us has a perfect relationship with our parents - i don't actually think smacking is the worst thing that can happen to a child, but being pulled around by the hair??????!!!!!!

I have said on other threads that I have often felt that i was close to hitting ds but thank goodness the 'I never smack' prohibition means I don't set out to smack or 'tap on the back of the hand' and end up somewhere far worse.

I was only smacked once, and it was by mum around the back of my legs.

Never at school or anything. I'm 31 now and seem to have missed all that, fortunately!

Yes, by my mum - totally humiliating and I would never slap my DD's - its not effective discipline it just humiliates and makes kids think its ok to be physically violent.

Emilytankengine at your dad - how awful for you.

My parents hit a lot with a belt and slipper and now absolutely deny it ever happened.

It has affected me I don't speak to my father for other reasons, been 5 years and I can honestly say I don't love either of them.

I admit to having come close-ish to smacking DS because of swiping his hand/ arm away from the highly-attractive globe lightshade on my bedhead light - if he knocks it off, he will then go for the bulb and burn himself again. He just WON'T take any notice of me telling him not to, it is far too exciting. So, rather than having to minister to another burnt finger, I swipe his arm away. And then usually end up grabbing him round the middle and dragging him away from it.

I never thought I would have much problem with smacking any DC if they really deserved it, but since having DS, I am reviewing that philosophy hugely! I can't imagine smacking him in earnest. So I doubt I ever will, not in anger anyway.

This is interesting reading. I was smacked a few times by my mother and I remember one occasion when she hurled her slippers at me and dragged me to my room by my hair! My father never hit me - he threatened on maybe one occasion and chased me to my room where I barracaded myself in and refused to emerge for hours (but then I was the stroppiest teen ever at the time so quite honestly he was probably justified!)

I've smacked DD (almost 8) on a couple of occasions and felt horribly guilty afterwards, as well as realising that it really wasn't the best form of punishment in any way and was more a release for me. I've tried, subsequently, to control my temper more and walk away, or try to use time out or some other method of resolving the issue. It has become easier as she's become older, thankfully.

In terms of corporpal punishment and discipline though, has it occurred to anyone that it's only been in the past 30 or so years that anyone's given any thought about whether smacking is indeed appropriate as a method of discipline? I remember reading Stephen Fry's autobiography, Moab is My Washpot, with him recalling the caning etc he had at school and stating that for the past few thousands/tens of thousands of years, smackinga and corporal punishment has always been the norm. Indeed, in many countries globally, smacking and strict discipline are still the norm.

In essence then, it's a kind of new experiment in child-rearing by choosing not to smack...

I agree Rockin, about the new experiment and I also think its too easy for anyone, but especially the older generations (of smacking) to point to any social problem and blame that on our choice to not smack. Which is frankly silly.

At 31 I feel very grateful to have been born in to a none smacking time. I was a stroppy nightmare teenage for 3 years but maybe everyone goes through that, and now I am perfectly well adjusted most of the time!

If I ever smack my DD (and I hope not) I know I will feel incredibly guilty and that it will be my fault rather than hers, I consider this enlightened rather than overly liberal.

My dad was brought up by informal foster parents and lived in fear of his various "dads". I think this is why he was so adament that my brother and I would not grown up in a similar environment.

It the none lashing out smacking, the not in temper smack I find most weird though, how was that ever acceptable even in ye olden days.

I was never hit, nor my brother or sister I don't think. My parents weren't that great as parents, but I do respect them for it, especially now I know how children have a knack of knowing exactly how to wind you up.

I wish I could remember how my mother did punish us though (she could make me feel really guilty just by looking pained I think) - I just remember my father's threat of the ultimate punishment: take the fuse out of the TV plug!

My DH was beaten a lot by his very authoritarian father, and has a lot of anger issues as a result.

My dad never hit any of us and always uses that as evidence of his being a good parent. However, I used to feel physically sick with fear and remember hiding in my room when he got into a temper because he was so verbally abusive. My mum smacked me a couple of times but I never feared her and always felt much more loved by her.

So physical punishment isn't always the worst thing you can do to a child.