Was anyone NOT hit when they were growing up?

[bohemianbint]

Following on from my other thread, have been talking to DH who was leathered when he was growing up, as was I. We were talking about whether this happened to everyone - I have a few friends who I don't think were hit, but I can't be sure.

So, was it most people's experience because it was accepted that that's how you did it?

(I recently told my father that we would not be hitting our children and he said, "but how will they learn?" )

Never ever hit. Never... (don't think my parents were ever hit either)

I was never smacked. Mum had one of those looks. She didn't need to do anything else.

I think people sometimes carry on the same way that they were brought up themselves. I do not know what I'd have done if DH thought it was ok to smack DS. I just don't know how I'd have coped.

got smacked when deserved it; brother got slippered occasionally but not us girls. At my junior school, corporal punishment was still in place - but was a slipper, not a cane. (I never got that)
Dad did have a walking stick - he used it on us once but not in a beating - one tap on the backside does not a beating make, imo.

Didn't get smacked past the age of probably 10, but I did have my face slapped by my mum aged 15, for cheek I suppose. She didn't do it again. (she threatened to once when I was yet older but I told her if she hit me then I would hit her back - how very mature of me )

It was "normal" then. Most of my friends had the same sort of treatment. My DH also had smacks, and was threatened with the belt when he was bad (and got it when he was really bad).

I was smacked by my mother, she used any device that was close by the hair brush, wooden spoon basically anything that hurt. My DH and I are very opposed to smacking as he came from a background of smacking too. I remember HATING my mother when she did it. It did nothing to improve my behaviour and the older I got the more defiant I got and pushed out the boundaries even more.
My mum was a nurse!!!

My father was brutal. Used to hit us constantly round the head and has left us all damaged in different ways. I don't blame my mother for doing nothing but a couple of my siblings do. It has undoubtedly coloured my choices with men and my own children. I either am too soft or feel my blood boiling and have to leave the room.
My biggest fear is that they will be scared of me. I am still unable to raise my voice or challenge my father over anything.
My mother was a looker - one look and you knew what was coming. Sadly it was my father. Still makes me want to be sick thinking about it and gives me night terrors.

Mum smacked us with palm, slipper and wooden spoon, but only for serious misdemeanours. We were 5 very unruly kids, so I really feel for her. I don't resent it, she was doing the best she could in some very tough times. I don't plan to do the same with my kids though.

I was smacked by both parents usually a slap on the legs or on the bottom. I seem to remember it was more to do with their frustration than me being really naughty. The times I was very naughty i remember my Dad shouting at me and that scared me more, as he rarely raised his voice.

Smacking just isn't effective, and I still feel it's more a release for the parent rather than disciplining a child, imo.

I've read this thread with interest as I have a horrible temper. Rationally I know hitting is not a good form of discipline. I was smacked a couple of times (and I think I deserve it) when I was growing up. But I am so worried about 'snapping' with DD. She's nearly 1 and I find parenting HARD. Have had a couple of months on anti depressants, and had contact with the HV, but felt better recently. It was because I punched the floor in frustration (resulting in a broken a finger) a few months ago when she wouldn't stop crying. Oh and I have shouted at her before composing myself

Does anyone have good tactics for being in that boiling hot rage and not hitting? I haven't hurt DD, and would like to think I never would, but I've visited some dark places since becoming a parent.

DB and I were never hit, and yet were totally under the authority of especially our father. (Not in a bad way)

stickybear - bury your face in a cushion and scream - helps me sometimes.

My sister and I were leathered regularly while growing up.

Our stepmother would not dole out discipline she would say 'you can wait til your father gets home', sometimes the waiting was worse than the leathering but not often to be honest.

We would be slippered with my Dads' leather slipper . It was well worn and very shiny, and hurt a hell of a lot. I recall being chased round the garden by my Dad once, with him wealding the slipper to leather me and I slipped and fell and winded myself THAT was a bad one as I ran away from him instead of accepting my leathering.

I am only 33 so this was happening in the 80's.

Same as Cote (glad to be in agreement again )

My Dad really knew how to project benign authority with a hint of menace.
At the same time he was an involved, caring, intelligent father
which made it pretty difficult to resist his lead.

Pretty shocking stuff on this thread.
A parent who beats up his child is like a government
that unleashes the army on its own people.

From father - belts, slippers,hands. I still shudder at mental image of him undoing his belt in readiness.
Mum - only if she lost it - wooden spoon and hand.

None of were ever particularly naughty but my father had a foul temper.

Thankfully havent seen or spoken to him for nearly 18 years.

My Dad ocaisionally smacked me - never too painful to be honest, and I don't have a big issue with this as an adult.

My mother however smacked my brother and I hard and often and more often use a riding crop on us so that it didn't hurt her hand. It hurt a lot but never bruised or drew blood. I feared her and we still have a relationship which involves lack of trust - I have only got past the fear in the last few years.

I find smacking children absolutely abhorrent and it makes me feel physically sick. In my opinion it is abusive. Obviously there are other ways to "discipline" your child which are not physically abusive and are emotionally abusive instead, but it would be ridiculous to think that emotional abuse is the natural alternative to smacking.

My child is well behaved and has never been smacked. She is 9 years old. In my view smacking is crap parenting. It was more common in the 70's but it was bad parenting then as it is now.

Stickybeaker- It sounds like you need support, do you have other mummy friends that you can meet up with during the day? Contact with others is essential it really helps to get that support and also to have a bit of adult company.Children are hard work its important to find approriate ways to deal with challenging behaviour.

No child or any adult deserves to be hit ever.

I was smacked on back of legs/bum by mum and dad and once when i was about 15 my mum smacked me with a hairbrush i think it was on side of my face but i think i was really winding her up at the time.

My parents are fab tho - the best

Was smacked very hard by my dad and used to wind him up to go futher and further. I always felt I had the upper hand as I could push him into anger. It was horrible. I was a real goody goody at school then came home and was deliberately naughty, fighting with my brother etc. Can see shades of that in DS1.
I assumed DH would agree that smacking was wrong but this was not so. I could never have known that he would get so angry with our children. It became a source of real conflict between us as I could not agree with his parenting style. He saw me as weak, whereas I wanted to pick my battles, praise the positive and would not always shout at them for the slightest thing.
A conflict of parenting styles is very hard to resolve if you think the other person is just plain wrong.

Didn't have a dad.
Can remember Mum losing her rag with me 4-5 times. She smacked me on the bare bum and then was really sorry after.
In her defence there were 5 kids and she was on her own. It gets a bit much.

I remember when I was 13 and I was rude to my mum at a family party. My dad pulled my pants down, put me over his knee and smacked me on my bare bum.

I was so embarassed, everyone got to see my bare bum and plenty more

Quite often, my dad would hit us with a slipper, (shoe-like slipper) my brother had a remote control thrown at him, and ended up with a huge bruise on his face, and didnt go to school, both my sister and I had slaps with a leather belt all from my dad.

We never got hit in public, if we were naughty whilest out, my dad would wait until we got home, and then would tell us what we did wrong and then we would get a smack.

remember being hit a fair amount as a kid. Dad would pull our kncikers down to smack our bums. Mum like wooden spoon Dad was worse on old sisters than me though.
I have Never hit my children, we have a no smacking rule in our house that both me and dh agreed on beofre kids came. He was smacked as a kid too.

Was smacked quite a lot as a child - virtually always by my mum. Continued unitl i was an adolescnet which was quite humiliating virtually always when my mum had lost her temper, not beacause of something really bad. Nothing worse than that.

Determined not to ever hit DC's - certainly not to use it as a form of punishment but do sometimes have to mentally stop myself if they are being really difficuly (2 and 4)

A slight deviation - has any one here who was NOT hit as a child hit their own DC's or it is only those who have been smacked as a child who occassionally smack?

Wooden spoon here too lisa .

I have tapped my children (hands) but realised it was ME losing my temper and thought better of it,naughty step for ds and room for teen and privileges removed.

i have come close but know in my mind that its not their behaviour but me loses control so have stepped back.