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Original poster

Was anyone NOT hit when they were growing up?

133 replies

bohemianbint · 31/12/2008 10:15

Following on from my other thread, have been talking to DH who was leathered when he was growing up, as was I. We were talking about whether this happened to everyone - I have a few friends who I don't think were hit, but I can't be sure.

So, was it most people's experience because it was accepted that that's how you did it?

(I recently told my father that we would not be hitting our children and he said, "but how will they learn?" )

OP posts:
belgo · 31/12/2008 11:10

no. not by my parents. slapped twice by teachers though.

UnquietDad · 31/12/2008 11:19

Occasional end-of-tether bottom-smacks, and my dad once slapped me hard round the face when I stuck my tongue out at my mum's back!

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 31/12/2008 11:27

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SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 31/12/2008 11:31

I was smacked and I don't think a smack here and there does a small child much harm but i think it gets to a point where it is not an effective form of punishment.

My mum says I would turn around and say "Didn't hurt anyway" and would continue doing whatever it was that got me the smack in the first place.

I remember growing up my mum telling me that she was dissapointed in me was the worst punishment.

SummatAnNowt · 31/12/2008 11:54

Now and again by my mum, but I only know that because she told me, I don't remember.

And once by my dad because I slapped my sister round the face and he did it to me, not hard, and asked how I liked it.

baublerock · 31/12/2008 12:02

I was smacked (open hand on the bum or leg) but not very often - I really had to push my luck to get one! Only by my Mum though, and it didn't do me or our relationship any harm. DH was hit with various belts/objects by his one time step mother and that will stay with him forever - she was not a nice person.

scifinerd · 31/12/2008 12:12

I was smacked and slapped, not hard. But I found it excrc=uciatingly humiliating and I will never ever do it to my dcs. I still resent it.

Notreallycutoutforthis · 31/12/2008 12:15

Smacked a bit at end of tether. My sister was threatened with a belt by my father once - he took it out and showed it to us. Still want to curl into a ball and cry at the memory...

Notreallycutoutforthis · 31/12/2008 12:15

Been on your other thread though BB so I'm obviously a wimp

Hulababy · 31/12/2008 12:35

Once or twice at most. My parents just didn't do smaking as a form of punishment. Neither do I. For me personally I couldn't ever imagine hitting my child for any reason.

pgwithnumber3 · 31/12/2008 12:37

Not once was I ever smacked. I probably should have been, I was a little shit as a teenager!

FrannyandZooey · 31/12/2008 12:40

no, never
i think it was maybe unusual because my mum did make a bit of a big deal of it - i mean it wasn't just 'of course you weren't smacked!'

bronze · 31/12/2008 12:42

Same as Orm. Rarely and a smack

bigTillyMint · 31/12/2008 12:44

I was smacked very occasionally as a small child. I think I was quite sensible most of the time, and you did as you were told in those days

I remember feeling very embarassed the few times when my mum told me off loudly in public. DD hates it if I do that now

However, she let me get away with murder as a teenager, and I just saw her as weak. Still do, but i don't think that'll be something my DC's will accuse me of

gemmiereindeerlegs · 31/12/2008 12:48

i was smacked by my mum often but never by my dad, however, i think she lost some of her control by smacking us as it kind of showed she had no tricks left up her sleeve. wewere far beter behaved for dad and had more respect for him. I don't believe smacking never does any damage tho. I am always a bit shocked when I hear "It never did me any harm". I think being physically attacked by someone you trust is always damaging.

Even if it is in a controlled way, without anger. Especially if it controlled.

If ahusband hit his wife, or an adult hit their elderly mother, everyone would think it was terrible. But its ok isn't it, it's just a kid...

Original poster
bohemianbint · 31/12/2008 12:56

Well, will show DH this. He thinks it may not be representative; maybe not, but does show not everyone was doing it.

Am really having some kind of awakening this week, with the help of MN...

OP posts:
Myrrhcy · 31/12/2008 12:56

I can only remember one occasion although there may have been others; I was about 12 and have a recollection of being very insulting to my mum (can't remember what I said though)

She asked me to stop but I wouldn't so she smacked me across my shoulder. She had tears in her eyes and left the room very quickly. Her reaction really made me stop and think.

pgwithnumber3 · 31/12/2008 13:20

bohemianbint, when you say you and your DH were "leathered" what do you mean?

Original poster
bohemianbint · 31/12/2008 13:59

pg - we were (both, it turns out) dragged around by our hair (me down the stairs once or twice) and battered, slapped for "looking the wrong way", and when I got older my dad punched me in the face, dragged me down a hallway and continued to batter me while I was on the floor. I don't remember too much about that, partly because I couldn't see and partly because I think I blocked it out a bit. That was a one off from my dad but my SM slapped, hit and generally "gave us a good hiding" quite regularly from the word go.

OP posts:
Original poster
bohemianbint · 31/12/2008 14:02

I remember being outraged that my dad's little session didn't leave a mark, and in my bedroom afterwards I was so pissed off I then hit myself in the face again just so that there would be visible damage, so that everyone (including him) would wake up and see what he was like.

OP posts:
MarlaSinger · 31/12/2008 14:03

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiffeyValleyOfTheDolls · 31/12/2008 14:03

Wow Bohemianbint, that sounds more like parents who couldn't control their temper, and who when they did lose it, had a lot of raw anger.

My parents both slapped me on occassion, but no way can they be categorised in the same bracket as parents who would ever drag their children around by their hair.

That doesn't sound like a discipline method or parenting technique, it just sounds like a hopeless parent with no control over a huge temper.

fondant4000 · 31/12/2008 14:03

Never by my mum - she said if she ever smacked a child she hoped someone would smack her! And this was in the 60s - don't think her parents smacked either.

My dad only twice (more of a tap) between the ages of 5 and 7. And was annoyed at himself for doing it.

But you know my mum used to raise her hand and threaten - isn't that weird? Never realised she wouldn't actually do it.

On of my favourite anti-smacking phrases is "I was never smacked as a child and it never did me any harm..."

TheArmadillo · 31/12/2008 14:13

yes regularly by my dad - we used to run away and lock ourselves in hte bathroom when we knew he was going to slap and he would threaten to break door down. Only with his hand but it really hurt.

As a teenager he dragged me down the stairs by my ankles a few times.

My mum only slapped me once that I remember. She used to send us to my dad for a slap.

piscesmoon · 31/12/2008 14:14

I always think that is a strange argument too-it obviously did harm if it leaves you feeling that it is acceptable.