What's the worst piece of advice you have ever been given re parenting?

[grumblingirl]

Mine include:

1. Strapping ds2 into his cot by tying a sheet tightly round the mattress and base so he can't wriggle about at night. My reply 'A bit like a straight jacket for babies eh?'

1. Putting my newborn in a (used) furry soft dog house as a playpen/sleeping basket (offer of 'giving' us the dog house included)

1. Stick a dummy onto LO's face with sticky tape so it doesn't fall out at night - This one was a joke though because I was moaning about lack of sleep (again).

Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets this crackers kind of advice?

Put him down, he has to learn to be independant.

He was FIVE WEEKS ffs

The midwife in hospital told me the best way to bathe my baby was to hold him firmly, and dip him upside down into the bathwater to wash his hair, and thereafter immerse him in the water while holding him.

He screamed. And screamed. And screamed. I was fraught. My dh was fraught. Then, luckily, MIL came to visit, saw how we bathed him, and she took over and showed me HOW.

HV told me 3wks after having horrific birth with DD1 that I should lock the doors, close the curtains and have sex with my DH in the afternoons if need be otherwise he'd leave me for someone else

was a short visit and needless to say didn't see her again!

oh another gem of hers was not to leave DD lying on the kitchen counter on her own as she might fall off - NO? you fecking think?!?

Hopefully, Farola was a particularly finely ground semolina. Farola. We used to be given it by my parents when we were ill (but much older)
I'm glad you mentioned it - I didn't know it still existed until I googled it!

My mum was adamant that DS would not be able to cut a single tooth without the aid of rusks. And suggested gripe water and cooled boiled water for each and every ill.

My MIL when informed that 10 day old DS had been awake in the night asked "is that normal?" in a really worried voice

Ah yes, rusks. Has anyone not been told by an older person that the reason their child is sucking their wrists is because they want a sodding rusk?!

Lol at Quint's mw! What planet are some of these "healthcare professionals" from I wonder, maybe Uranus as they seem to be talking out of their arses?

...from a friend: "well my mother was a consultant paedeatrician and she always said there was no problem if a kid wanted to eat just bread and milk for 3 years or more, they wouldn't harm themselves by doing it"

Said friend is childless...and I went on telling 4yo DD to eat an apple...!

MIL: "she really needs a rusk" at 6 months, as if eating would never happen without them.

aa and everyhting pavlov's MIL said my MIL said as well, they must be related...but my MIL was nice enough not to be offended when I did not take the advice.

Modern baby food manufacturers should really get some advice on advertising from the rusk marketing board - they really knew how to peddle their wares

"If you cuddle him too much, he'll be gay.
If you breastfeed him, he'll be gay.
If you let him have a doll, he'll be gay."

Bwaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha...WTF? Do I detect a theme here?

Wow... I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she comes to visit...

"Look Auntie, I'm making a tower with my bricks!"

"That's no tower... HE'S GAY! HE'S GAY! He's making collosal Lego cocks because he's a screaming queer! AAaaaaaAAAaaaa... why didn't you listen?! Formula milk would have stopped all this gayness!"

(Apologies to luckychelle for taking the piss out of her family.)

A friend of mine was recently told by someone to "pin your dd down and rub her gums with sommit hard"
She was teething btw

lol at the rusk marketing board.

My mother got VERY stroppy with us because we didn't have a Proper Baby Bath on a stand in front of the fire. She didn't seem to grasp that our house didn't have any open fires, but it did have central heating, even in the bathroom...

Oo oo oo, forgot...my mum suggested that because neither of us know how to fit the car seat (I leave it to DH ) and she didn't want to go in my car that I should hold DS in my arms on the way to church.

Have laughed so hard at some of these esp. 'If you tickle a babies feet he will explode'

My MIL has just left (was babysitting) I was explaining the idea of BLW to her, she said (and I quote) 'That sounds nice you will have to get some rusks in!'

You are right theprovinciallady they must have had a shit hot marketing campaign back in the day!

Rotfl at Kev!!!!!!

Rusks look phallic......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

To post a question on MN

To harden up your nipples with methylated spirits in preparation for bf - Grand MIL.

To put salt on dd's tongue to stop her from biting she did it with Uncle Lawrence.

To put socks on her feet as they must always be kept warm ( on hottest day in history)

What is it with the socks btw - my particular bugbear - surely babies' feet need room to stretch and grow. They don't wear gloves all the time so why the socks?! I take after my mother who takes great pride in telling us how we always went without socks - even in winter!!

bitoffun you may jest, my DH and his cousin smoked a packet of fags when he was about 12 and he swears it put him off for life (obviously they weren't forced to...they were being naughty!!).

Our HV told us when DD1 was 2 weeks old to put the monitors the other way around, so they she could hear us (and get used to sleeping thru noise) but we wouldn't hear her .

Would just like to say I am now on DD2 and we are soooo chilled we don't even use a monitor !!!

squandered I agree, I'm sure I was told to keep babies feet free as much as possible as they are growing. I can't bear seeing babies feet all scrunched up in little cheap shoes just to 'look cute'. My job involves a bit of foot biomechanics and sorting out crappy feet so that's probably why!

PMSL kevlarhead at your gay thing!

my brother is gay....ironically he was into the most manly of things as a child.....trains, cars, planes, getting mucky and dirty...however, he did, at the age of 13, learn how to make fabulous profitroles....that was our first clue .

Choux pastry proficiency, dead giveaway...

Re: the fags thing- I'm sure it has a good chance of working ,but can you imagine actually standing over your child and making them do it, LOL?

Not exactly childcare but.....
Recently moved and registered at new docs, only to be told at 6 week post-natal check (foolishly moved with 18 month old and 5 week old) that "breast-feeding is a contraceptive" - by the DOCTOR! Needless to say, I've changed surgeries!

It's not entirely untrue though Robino.

But it's not as simple as breastfeeding = contraception.

Anyway, lets not get side tracked from this hilarious thread!!

"you cant possibly give a breast fed baby a bottle in the first six months or it will confuse the baby"!!!!!

i expressed so DH could be involved in the feeding in week 1 and it worked like a dream, know so many friends who have done this as well, saved my sanity!!