Just seen the worst nappy change ever :-(

[Sunfield]

Earlier today I took my 3yr old into the changing room in a local precinct, another mum was already there dealing with her young daughter. Her son who must have been at least 4yrs wasnt in a nappy but had obviously just had an accident ! He patiently watched as mum changed his younger sister and I expected her to simply dry him off and change his clothing.

What I didnt expect to see was once she cleaned him up she produced a terry from the changing bag promptly folded it on her knee, grabbed the now nervous 4yr old and despite his obvious distress held him down while the nappy was pinned into place :-(

I've never seen a child so distressed, but from what I could see it was a regular thing after an accident. Mum just ignored any crying or tantrums and before you could blink the nappy was on.

Not a pleasant sight but this mum sure knew how to get a nappy on a wriggler in double quick time !

Oh FGS. Children grow and change at different rates. Provided they are not being physically abused can't we live and let live with the "too old for nappies", "not too old for nappies". I say it time and time over......we have no idea what else is going on in peoples lives. We all do it differently, thats LIFE!!!

I agree with you hungryhorse I only put a nappy on my 4yr old as a last resort, it's not very often I need to do it but when I do then I have absolutely no hang ups about it. I can't see me needing to do it much longer but when the situation arises I just simply get on with the task without any arguing. At new year we'll be staying at my sisters again and sure enough for peace of mind I'll resort to putting him in a nappy when I think it necessary.
Oh and just to satisfy the OP's obvious aversion to terries (?) my sis has a regular supply of them on hand for her baby so in the interest of convenience thats what I'll use without any worries whatsoever.

I certainly wouldn't put a nappy on a 4yr old just because I was at someome elses house.

If you really had to do it wouldn't it have been easier to go upstairs in private or at least use a nappy that was easier to put on ?

Sunfield - Lady lighthouse isn't putting a nappy on her child because he's at someone's house, he is being put in a nappy because he is likely to have an accident.

I love the fact that you're telling this woman to put the nappy on in private, when you were preventing the 4yo described in your OP from having his own privacy by gawping at the spectacle.
As for the nappy, she didn't have any disposables! I really don't see what you have against terries, they can be almost as quick as disposables to put on.

Maybe if you suggest what you would do in the situation you described and tell us why you are so opposed to terries this conversation might make some ground

and hide..........

I didnt put him in a nappy just because we were in someone elses house, if that was the case he'd have had one on when we arrived. I put him in a nappy because we'd been there a while and he was heavily engrossed in play and I suspected an accident was likely. He did wee shortly after despite saying he didnt need the loo so the nappy was a wise choice.

I didnt use disps partly because I had few left and the shops were closed, but just as importantly my sis has a plentiful supply of terries which do the job just as well and which I'm perfectly adept at using. My sis keeps a few pairs of larger sized waterproof pants for us to use if necessary when we visit. By using a terry I didnt need to take disps with us (the only thing I took was a few pins in my purse because she uses nappi nippas that I'm not used to). You seem to have an aversion to terries ? if you are a regular user of them like I once was then they can be put on almost as fast a disp, the only diff between using a disp and a terry is if I use a terry he lies on my lap otherwise he stands.

What difference would it make doing it in private ? When my sis brought the nappy she offered me the option of going upstairs, I declined. He would have complained just as much having a nappy done upstairs as in the lounge but that would have meant dragging him from play to go away, IMHO it was far easier and quicker to simply prepare everything where i was while he was engrossed then simply put the nappy on when I was ready. Thats exactly what I did after warning others incase they didnt want to be present.

Ok, he didnt enjoy it but took no more than 5 mins from first being handed a nappy to putting it on and dressing him again. A few minutes after being done he calms down and resumes play having forgotten about it all.

I really cant see any problem and as I said in an earlier post I'll do the same thing again in a few days when we visit for New year.

I've go no hangups so if anyone else wishes to comment either for or against then please feel free I'm happy to defend my stance.

You put a nappy on him because he was engrossed in play?

How is that teaching him to be properly toilet trained?

IMHO it seems a very lazy option... why do you not gently remind him when you see him hopping up and down that he may need to visit the toilet? By putting a nappy on a FOUR YEAR OLD (????) you are discouraging him from controlling his bladder.

Yes it may be stressful to keep changing him... but how will he learn otherwise to control himself if you put nappies on him.

Do none of you who put nappies on your 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 or 9 year olds send them to school? Surely you dont send them to school in nappies (where at that age they mostly play)?

I'm very sorry but it is not acceptable to put a 4 year old in ANY kind of nappy... unless of course they have special needs.

Hungryhorse do you actually have any children?
It just seems like you are speaking as someone who has never found themselves in ladylighthouse's situation.

As for your knowledge of school, 4 or 5 year olds might play a lot of the time but children 6 and over certainly don't, they have these things called lessons.

As for not putting ANY nappy on a 4 year old, does that include bedwetting or would you leave them in wet sheets? Or maybe you are saying that 15% of 4 year olds (the ones who wet the bed) have special needs, I don't think so.

Hungryhorse - get real. Children grow and develop at different rates. My oldest child (7) has only just stopped night nappies and it happened suddenly one night without help. According to the experts a certain hormone was lacking and suddenly was present enabling her to be dry. She couldnt have physically done it before. One of my other children was dry day and night at 3. My youngest I fully expect to be in nappies for ages yet and she is nearly 4. She just isnt ready. Dont be so judgemental. Having spoken to the doctors at the hospital for my oldest, it is far more common than we realise for even some adults to be incontinent and wear adult nappies, having never gained control (in fact I know an incontinent adult who has always been incontinent). Even more common to be having medication to control bedwetting or even daywetting. This does not equate to special needs and is certainly not a lazy option. Sometimes letting a child do things when they are ready rather than forcing them to do things early to make their (insecure???) parent feel better is kinder to the child. If they are able they will do it when ready. If they are not able, then help is available when they are older. Where is the problem. Let people parent how they want to as long as it is loving and not abusive. This makes me soooo mad.

Hungryhorse you ask how will he become dry if I put nappies on him ? Well he is already dry but in certain situations has the odd accident, if we are in a situation where I think an accident is likely and will be embarrasing or inconvenient then I put a nappy on for a while as a precaution. He doesnt wear them regularly but only in situations like at my sisters house or a few weeks ago when we were faced with a lengthy bus journey. I thought a lot of parents resorted to using a nappy on a largely dry child for things like long journeys etc.

I'm sorry you dont agree but when we visit tomorrow he'll be put in a nappy and I'll have no feeling of guilt when I do it.

can't work out at all why the OP was bothered by the situation she describes.

But I do think it's little odd to put a nappy on a mostly-dry 4yo because he's playing - surely you just take him to the loo if you think he needs a wee?

I did on a few occasions ask him about going to the loo but he said he didn't need to (although I knew he couldnt be far off). if we'd been at home I'd have kept asking but as I was busy in company and he was more heavily involved with play and other children I thought a nappy was the best idea. It wasnt really just about him playing but more to do with the situation we were in.

I know he won't want a nappy on tomorrow but if the same thing arises (and thats almost certain) then I'll do the same again. Infact when I rang my sis earlier I did make a point of checking she would have enough terries spare !

Yes I have a 4 year old... who went through a stage of wetting when she was playing and didn't remember/ couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet. She would only do this at home or at her GPs house...

It was annoying having to change her, clean up after her... and constantly watch her to see if she might be holding it in.

But I did this because I wanted to teach her that it is not ok to not go to the toilet when you need to... if I'd have put a nappy on her then she would have got the message from me that when you play- you don't need to control your bladder.

How can you say it is not lazy to put a nappy on when they are playing- it obviously is.

My 4 year old is now in reception, and yes occasionally comes home telling me that so and so wet themselves at school today... I don't think that the teachers go around putting nappies on these children when they are playing do they??

I've just come across this thread and have to say I agree with the OP. It seems bizarre to put a child in a nappy following an accident - surely if the child is toilet-trained then putting them in a nappy will simply encourage regression and send mixed messages. As to what the OP should have done regarding the appointment - either be a few more minutes late and buy a pair of new cheap trousers or go to the appointment with a child in wet clothes. Surely the clothes themselves would still be wet over the top of the nappy anyway?

In addition, forcing a child that is toilet-trained into his sister's nappy appears humiliating and undermines the child's confidence. And for those posters whose children wear nappies/pull-ups etc due to bed wetting, I don't see why you would lay them on a changing table like a baby - surely the child can take responsibility and put their own pull-up on?

Another point - forcing a child into nappies against their will when they are toilet trained can spawn slightly quirky adult baby fetishes when they grow up - something to consider.

Lastly, why attack the OP for being judgemental? Half the posts on this site are judgemental in one way or another, whether it's toilet training, weaning, breastfeeding/bottle feeding, husbands sleeping with secretaries

OP is very judgemental and makes a lot of assumtions that you have followed blindly even though you have no first hand experience of the actuall situation.

Most posts that followed basicly said you don't know the full circumstances ans perhaps she was just getting on with it and doing the best she could at the time.

I thought this thread was well dead .

At last someone can see the point I'm making, putting a nappy on an otherwise dry 4yr old might be easy but its not treating the child fairly.

Surely if as a last resort a mum does put a nappy on at this age she'd use one that was easy to put on and not a terry belonging to his baby sister ? Why would anyone force a screaming 4yr old over their knee and mess around with safety pins is beyond me

Ladylighthouse if you are really intending to put a nappy on your 4yr old today then at least do it in private or use a disposable you can do with him standing up !

I really don't understand the problem some people have with all this. Sunfield what really is the issue that bugs you ? One minute it seems to be the age factor, the next its terry squares, then its how they are used etc

Its all very well saying use a disposable but I'm going somewhere that has an adequate supply of different nappies that I'm perfectly able to use, it just so happens these are terry squares. What's the big deal about terries ? they do the job, I'm fully aware how to put one on so I intend to make use of that fact (and yes I do still use nappy pins, shock, horror !). I've never denied I can put a disposable on quicker but we are talking of 1 min difference! To a 4yr old the choice of nappy is irrelavent, one he gets changed stood up the other he lies on my lap, either way its still a nappy change. I really don't think he's too bothered wether its pins or sticky tabs, lying down or standing up.

As for going in private, I don't see that makes any difference whatsoever. He's 4yrs not 14, he's going to object to me putting the nappy on just as much upstairs as downstairs. If I do it in the same room (like I did last week) the job is done 3 mins, if we go upstairs it will take twice as long and only irritate him at being dragged away, and lets face it other kids will know full well he's been taken away for a nappy change. I can understand a lot of people don't like to see anothers child being changed ( I don't myself), so I do the polite thing, I let everyone know I'm about to put his nappy on. If anyone then feels uncomfortable they can leave for 5mins but most just carry on regardless.

A few mins later we are all done ! He calms down, resumes play and 5 mins later its all history. No kids enjoy nappy changes, mines no different but I try to do it as fast as possible just like the mum that the OP first complained about. Hardly going to kill him is it ?

I didnt get this thread and cant believe its still running
I dont understand Ladylighthouse though, i have a two year old who sometimes says she does need the loo but i make her 'try' if we are going on a long bus/train journey and would never put her in a nappy in the daytime

I dont think a child is toilet trained if they are put in nappies occassionally to prevent accidents

This thread is so prejudice. It makes me cringe readign some of the things people like Sunfield are saying.

Like you littleducks I'll coax mine to the toilet as much as I can but there's occasions where I feel I'm justified in using a nappy and I'm afraid to say today is one of them !

seems very weird to me but i doubt it will do any longterm harm! is he recently toilet trained?

About 8mths since he last wore daytime nappies full time so he was a little late but not overly so. Gradually over the last 8mths I've used the nappies less and less and we are nearly at the end !

I know he'll moan today but believe me 5 mins of upset at changetime is worth it in the long run

just seems like a different approach to potty training then, i waited till it was summer as it is easier to clean up and said no more nappies and there were accidents but she was trained in about two weeks

however dd will attend preschool at easter just prior to turning three and when i trained her i thought she might have a place in jan at 2.7 so obv she had to be competent at going to the toilet alone washing her hand etc so i didnt want to confuse her

I just wish I was as lucky as you littleducks but its a fact of life some children train faster than others, lets face it doctors dont even recognise betwetting as a problem till about 7 or 8 yrs.

I still maintain I'm doing nothing wrong although it seems a few recent posters disagree buts thats their opinion and they are entitled to it.

People can say what they wish, DS will be put in a nappy today as and when I feel it appropriate, he wont enjoy it, he'll even cry having it done but you can bet it will be done as fast as I can manage.

oh i dont quite agree with what you are doing although am trying very hard to understand the reasoning but i suppose i use a similar 'very quick ignore the protests' technique to wash dds hair so i suppose its just a case of diff parenting styles