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*** The Brand New One Child Family Thread ***

135 replies

Mulanmum · 02/10/2008 21:16

By popular demand!

A thread for those of us blessed with ONE lovely child -whether by choice or by circumstance. Here we can discuss the unique challenges of raising a child without siblings, the joys, frustrations, rewards and huff and puff about stupid things people say to us at times

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
teafortwo · 06/10/2008 09:32

So... my DH has very cleverly made us some charming Indian friends!!! They are business associates who have become good friends with after his weekly phone meetings, a few visits from them to his offices and DH or us all (dd included) spending our evenings and lunchtimes entertaining them.

These friends have invited us all including dd to stay in their town with them and explore their area of India together. We have accepted!!! When we go DD will be three.

I haven't mentioned the holiday to any of my Mummy friends as they already disapprove of me taking dd to Tunisia this year - so I think India might be off their scale.

However... I wanted to run it past the one child family thread - have any of you tried serious travel with your only? How did it go? I feel that it will be fun for her - and not outstandingly difficult for me but... perhaps I am being naive???

Acinonyx · 06/10/2008 09:48

Sounds fantastic tesfortwo! We lived overseas in Africa and ME before dd was born but have not been back yet - she's 3. I think that's ideal, to visit friends - and peole will love your dd - they are so much more family/kid oriented than Europe.

The only thing that would concern me is tummy bugs, which are somewhat unavoidable. Visitors are sometimes more susceptible than locals and sometimes locals don't make any allowances. I have family in Pakistan (and have been to India) and my cousins used to think it was hilarious to feed me the dirtiest street-vendor food they could find even though thier parents expressly told them not to. I wouldn't not go because of that - just think about it and be as prepared as you can be.

I would love to go on a proper, interesting holiday like that with dd. Unfortunately we have so much family in the US that is taking all out time and money so I'm totally

teafortwo · 06/10/2008 09:55

Thanks Acinonyx - we were very careful with their dietary requirements while they were here... hopefully they will be kind and understanding with us!!!???!!!!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Gumbo · 06/10/2008 10:14

I'd like to join too please!

I have a 2yo DS, and really didn't want any more. (I wasn't too sure that I even wanted the 1 - although I love him to bits now!) However, last summer I discovered to my shock that I was pg. Sadly I had a m/c at 7 weeks. DH and I were gutted, as we'd got used to the idea of having another, so chose to try again - only to have another m/c a few months later. The heartbreak was too much for DH, and he is now adamant that we're not going through that again - so DS will be an only child.

I'm really interested to read about other people's experiences in ensuring that their dc's have lots of friends around etc. I know that I'll need to make a point of doing that too (something I don't find easy as I'm quite shy).

How nice to have a thread where we're not made to feel selfish for having 1 child!

solidgoldskullonastick · 06/10/2008 10:42

And I'm another one: never planned to have any DC, got PG by accident at the age of 39 and now have adored 4 year old DS. So at nearly 44 I am too old to feel quite safe about trying for another, as well as it not beingfeasible financially. Oh, and I am happily single though DS dad is an excellent very involved co-parent: having another baby by someone else could mess up the existing family dynamic.

ANd I don't really want to go through all the hassle of early toddlerhood again, that was the stage I found the hardest.
DS is well socialised, goes to nursery and playgroups and has friends. Sometimes he expresses interest in babies and would have made a lovely big brother, but then again: having another baby could mess up what we have now far too much to be worth the risk.

mumhadenough · 06/10/2008 13:10

Hi All,

Hope its ok for me to join in. I've just got the one ds, he's 6. Like Marlasmum he is extremely high maintenance and I think we barely made it through the baby days. If we'd had a child to save a married (whatever thats about) he'd have def been the nail in the coffin. He's still high maintenance now and currently undergoing assessment for adhd.

If he'd been an easier baby I might have considered another one, but definitely no no no no way. lol. Perhaps I might regret it, as I would always have loved a little girl (or at least to try for one). But I would only have another if someone could guarantee me that it would a. be a girl b. not cry 18 hours a day and c. not turn out to be a nutcase, lol. No-one can do that so I won't be trying.

Ds isn't bothered either, he tells people that we love him to much to have another, which I thought was very cute!

meandmyjoe · 06/10/2008 20:08

Can I join in? DS is 14 months and was the most grumpy, high needs baby. Hardly ever smiled, cried on and off all bloody day, thankfully always slept well at night but wouldn't sleep in the day. If he hadn't been so good at night I swear I would have advertised him in the 'free to a good home' ads.

He is 14 months and is still very hard to please. He does smile more since he got walking just before his birthday but he is deffinitely strong willed and has little patience when he can't do something. He has an explosive temper and regularly kicks up a complete fuss over nothing. He whinges all the time, hates being in the car for more than a few mins, not keen on buggy either although willtolerate it as long as I give him plenty of snacks. He seems to constantly need something to explore in his hand, can never sit in a highchair, always wants to be off exploring. As a consequence me and dh have not had a meal out in 14 months. Not even a trip to McDonalds because ds would scream. I have spent the last 14 months in total turmoil thinking there must be something developmentally wrong with him .

HV say he's just fussy, GP said nothing wrong physically, too early to tell if it's a developmental thing and he's reaching all his mile stones early. He pointed at 9 months, babbles, plays peekaboo, concentrates on what he wants for 15 mins at a time. He just has a major issue with being told what to do and where he can explore. He just wants to be free and can't stand being restricted or moved away from things, even when outdoors.

Maybe he's just curious, who knows but in many ways he's a hell of a lot easier than he was (he doesn't cry 12 hours a day anymore!) but is still very challenging. It has nearly destroyed me and dh and anyone who dies this to 'fix' a relationship is clearly dillusional. Me and dh are happy now but most of the first year I was in such a mess and so worried about ds, I snapped all the time.

As soon as I look at a newborn I do get that twinge and feel maybe we should have another, but in reality I know that my experience of babyhood and motherhood was not the sleeping, smiling cherub dream. It was a writhing, screaming, pacing around jiggling nightmare.

Although ds is easier in some ways, I feel he will alway have that strong temper and will need a hell of a lot of guidance and strong parenting to be coaxed round. I don't think I would dare have another as it may mean that ds is seen as the 'difficult' or 'troublesome' child which is unfair. Also God forbid, lightening may strike twice and I'd get another screaming, can't put down, can't be still baby, I don't think my legs could take anymore pacing around my kitchen.

For this reason, me and dh are agreed ds will be an only child!

EllieG · 06/10/2008 20:12

I don't know if I count on here - I am only going to have one child though. Have a 9 year old step-daughter, and my 6 month old DD. I have no desire to have another one, though I love her to bits, I can't imagine wanting to do the newborn thing again, and DH says as he is going to be 43 next birthday he wants to stop having children or he'll be raising 'em til he's a hundred. Plus can't afford another.

muggglewump · 06/10/2008 20:20

TeaforTwo
I took my only to Indonesia (Bali, Lombok and Gili Islands) the week after her first birthday for 10 weeks.
I'm a single Mum so it was just the two of us. Of course some folk thought I was mad, some said irresponsible but when I tell people now they just seem to think it was fab and wish they had the opportunity.
DD was so portable at thata ag4e and so easily entertained, plus evryone wanbted tp play with her which gave me time to relax with a dink!
We were also invited into family homes, everyone was fascinated by the totaly mad interesting English single woman with the blonde baby!
I had no problem with food, DD ate whatever I did and there's plenty of safe drinks too.
We stayed out of the sun during the day mainly but I did take her big three wheel pushchair which was a godsend for her sleping in out and about, and her travel cot which doubled as a play pen, obviously your DD will be older so past that stage.
I can't reccommend travelling with children enough though, I'd do it again tomorrow!

frasersmummy · 06/10/2008 20:28

hi there. I suppose technically my ds is not an only child..

our first little boy was stillborn so technically I have 2 but I only have 1 here with me .. so in practical terms he is an only child.

I wont be risking pregnancy again and at the price of nursery education we couldnt afford it anyway

so can I be allowed to be here where people wont say .. isnt it time you had another??

UniS · 06/10/2008 20:43

teafortwo- We have taken boy to a number of big sports events abraod and in UK, both DH and I compete. Boy is now pretty OK to watch us play/ race etc sitting with who ever we have asked to keep half an eye on him. He likes pottering around with a hockey stick and ball and likes watching the "big boys" and trying to copy them.
It does limit what classes we can both compete in at same time, but with a bit of planning flexibility and compromise travel and exploration is possible as a family.

JakeMUM · 06/10/2008 21:05

Hiya all, I really don't know if i want any more children. I have 1 boy who's 3. I worry if i don't have any more i will regret it in the future??? I wish someone could tell me what's best as if i wait there is then the big age gap. I am very close to my brother and sister, and think should i give him that opportunity?!

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 06/10/2008 21:41

Hi. I'm glad to see this thread too.

My daughter is 6. It took a lot of high-end medical intervention to have her and there's no chance of our having any more. If things were different, I'd have liked her to have a sibling - and she still asks for one occasionally - but we're learnt to count our blessings.

I think that parenting an only child is different and as nearly all my friends have more than one child it'll be nice to air and share!

teafortwo · 06/10/2008 22:22

Thanks for the advice on travel. I really felt we were making the right choice. I think young children feed off of their parents emotions a lot. If we are having a good time I think she will too!

By the way - I am really very sorry to hear about people's bad life expiences. Life really throws some nasties at us sometimes - and for some reason it always seems to hit the people who least deserve it!

Madbadanddangeroustoknow - what do you think is different about having one?... I only ask because am quite interested to know!

Mulanmum · 07/10/2008 08:27

Just wondering how we go about getting our own topic on Mumsnet - anyone know?

OP posts:
Yanda · 07/10/2008 09:16

Hi can I join in too? I have a DD who is 2.3 and she is and will be an only, even though people do sometimes say "Oh you will change your mind". She is an only by choice and I love my little family, its just right for us.

Most of my DD's peers now have siblings, so I have just gone through being around alot of pregnant people and it didn't make me want another at all. It did make alittle bored though. I have no doubt that I was a baby bore when I had DD, but there was only so much talk of double buggies I could take

Also, I now find that they are all abit more restricted with where they do and don't go as they have babies to consider, whereas I only have my DD to consider so I find that we do abit more on our own. Not that DD misses out as she spends lots of time with children her own age and I think that it helps that she is quite outspoken rather than shy. Sometimes I just wish that we knew another only so that we could go and do things that are age appropriate just for them. I hope that doesn't sound awful, I hope you know what I mean!

scaryteacher · 07/10/2008 09:26

I also have an only child - ds (13 in two weeks aagh). I was told after he was born not to have any more, so I didn't. I sometimes regret it as I think a sibling would have knocked many of his corners off...and he used to have trouble relating to other kids, but that is slowly improving.

I used to work with a girl who was desperate for kids and had to adopt as her dh had had mumps when he was young and therefore no sperm count; so although I would have liked more, I'm really lucky to have the one I do.

LindzDelirium · 07/10/2008 11:37

teafortwo - sorry only just saw your message but I feel privileged to grow up as an only child, I wasn't spoiled (Mum brought me up on her own, on benefits) - I never wanted a sibling but have a very close relationship with my best friend (since we were four, I am now 32).I spent a lot of time around adults and am very extrovert. Now I do a feel a little under pressure as far as my Mum is concerned, only because she is a financial disaster and I bail her out constantly! But I have DH to vent/lean on, so I am not alone.

Nope, never lonely, never wished it was different. Am very confident to bring up my DD as an only (it's what she wants as well, I use sbilings as a threat for bad behaviour lol!)

lovelysongbirdanotheryearolder · 07/10/2008 13:45

hi can i join your gang?

i have one dd almost 16months old.

not sure if i want anymore in the future.
which most people i know are horrified at.

Bucharest · 07/10/2008 13:53

Another one pleased to see this!
I'm an only, my Dad is an only, my daughter is an only...I like to think we're not social misfits....but sometimes, other people have me wondering!

AMumInScotland · 07/10/2008 14:07

Do we reckon that trying for our own topic is the way to go with this? I've just counted and there are 54 of us on this thread so far!

If we want to, we can ask MNHQ on SiteStuff - though there's no guarantee we'll get it of course.

Bucharest · 07/10/2008 14:35

Oh ys, let's! Tbh, I was quite surprised when I started posting on MN that there wasn't a designated corner for us!

Mulanmum · 07/10/2008 14:55

Thanks MumInScotland! I've started a thread on SiteStuff - everyone please go over there and lobby!

OP posts:
paddingtonbear1 · 07/10/2008 15:07

Hi there, can I join too?
I have 1 dd aged 5. I am an only child myself. Originally I didn't want children at all, but dh did and we compromised on 1. I think dh is still secretly hoping I'll want another, but although I adore dd, I can't face the thought of pregnancy/birth/baby etc all over again. In some ways I feel bad but dh is quite accepting.
I am now over 40 too so feel time is running out!

teafortwo · 07/10/2008 17:15

Mulanmum - you have started a Mumsnet socal movement!!!

We salute you!!!! Your face will be on every slightly middle class teenager's t-shirt this time next year. Of course they will have no idea who you actually are or anything of the revolution for which you are responsible they will just think you look cool and bought it because all their friends have it too!

Teafortwo starts searching in cupboard for placards,loud speakers, whistles etc etc etc - Oh my goodness - what is that dusty old tape that fell out with all the junk????-

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJxxYlcN0Is

OH YES good stuff - every revolution needs a song!!!

WOOOOHOOOO!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

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