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Original poster

*** The Brand New One Child Family Thread ***

135 replies

Mulanmum · 02/10/2008 21:16

By popular demand!

A thread for those of us blessed with ONE lovely child -whether by choice or by circumstance. Here we can discuss the unique challenges of raising a child without siblings, the joys, frustrations, rewards and huff and puff about stupid things people say to us at times

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 07/10/2008 18:08

Well, MN already has topics dedicated to larger families, lone parents, multi-cultural families and step-parenting. So MNHQ has already recognised that other types of family which do not conform to the nuclear family 2.4 children norm can have their own topic - a topic for single/only child families has to be the next logical step.

That concludes my submission to the court, M'Learned Friends.

Original poster
Mulanmum · 07/10/2008 18:55

LOL teafortwo - it was you and others who suggested I start it!

MadBad - you need to do your submission on the SiteStuff topic. I'm getting a battering from left-handed curly haired cotton pickers who are demanding their own topic too . Squeaver is putting our case well but we need more support!

OP posts:
choufleur · 07/10/2008 19:28

Hello everyone. I've just got the one DS (2.7) too, and he will definately remain the only one. we had to have interventions to conceive and i can't bear the thought of going through that again.

I'm an only one and it hasn't done me any harm. i don't think i was particularly spoilt (maybe i was in terms of attention as i didn't have to share my parents with anyone else - but that really be a bad thing can it?).

I love DS to bits but found looking after a baby very difficult and suffered from anxiety attacks. Now i can lavish my time (when i'm not at work) on DS and enjoy doing so. I'd hate to have to split my time between two DCs.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
teafortwo · 07/10/2008 19:29

Ha ha ha - Mulanmum

We will go down in history in the same chapter as Ali Campbell - you will be found beside Che Guevara!!!!

Have you contacted mn using the red button - so they can tell us if they want an only child thread or not - or do you want me to do it?

teafortwo · 07/10/2008 19:30

topic - not thread - sorry!!!

teafortwo · 07/10/2008 19:30

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/622489-one-child-familes-please-can-we-have-our-own-topic

teafortwo · 07/10/2008 19:38

Welcome French cauliflower !!!

Anxiety attacks are awful. Really - My heart goes out to you! However, it sounds like your life is back on track and you are really enjoying your family life today.

Please join in - the more the merrier!

squeaver · 07/10/2008 20:37

Yes you lot, get over to the other thread and support us in our quest!

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 07/10/2008 20:43

Have done!

squeaver · 07/10/2008 20:49

Thanks madbad

PinkPussyCat · 07/10/2008 21:46

OK guys, just to say I have logged my support on the other thread too

teafortwo · 07/10/2008 22:14

thanks ppc!

MouseMate · 08/10/2008 10:19

Hi, can I join? I've got an only dd age 3.5
She is almost definately going to stay an only - not by my choice at first, but as time goes on I cannot imagine having another.

When DH and I first got together he knew the I had always wanted at least 2 children. He let me believe that he wanted the same, only to 'back out' of the deal after dd was born.

I have been broody for a long time - really wanted another, wanted dd to have a sibling, didn't want her to be lonely, selfish and all the other horrors thrown at only children. For a long time I think I hated DH - seriously thought about leaving / asking him to leave / having an 'accident' and so on - He wouldn't give me the one thing I wanted, so I didn't want him.

I've calmed down now - and have slowly realised that I am happy being a mum of one. We get so much uninterrupted time together that I cannot imagine having to share my time with another one. I can curl up in bed with her if I want, or buy her a little something from a shop without having a jealous siblings feelings to consider.

Strangely DH has made some second child noises just recently (had the euromillions conversation and he said 'well the first thing we'd do is make another kid') and my first thought was 'oh no'......

I think my mind is changing as dd gets older. If I had had another one when I wanted (when dd was 1) then I wouldn't have got used to being out of the baby mindset, but now we have finally got rid of the nappies / dummies / pram etc I dont want to have to do it all again. DH has said that we could try again when I finish work in 2012, but that would make dd 7-8 and I think it would be too much of an age gap.

Can I ask mothers of older onlies - how did you make sure your DC aren't loney / spoilt etc. I think I am doing ok with DD but we still have issues where EVERYTHING in the house is 'MINE' and DH and I have to ask her to share (can you imagine the conversation we had last week "Please give me my tampax back dd"....."Not yours, MINE - ask me nicely and I might share with you" )

DrNortherner · 08/10/2008 10:32

I'll add my details to the list, I have an only ds who is 6 and I am an only.

Lasvegas · 08/10/2008 13:59

I have one DD getting on for 6 yrs. DH had the snip when she was 2.5 yrs old as neither of us wanted another. My sister is less than a year younger than me and I resented never having time to myself or my parents to myself and having to be 'responsible' for my sibling. So I wanted to have one child.

But I also wanted a girl so who knows what I would have done if I had a son first.

I tell DD that she is so wonderful and special that I didn't need to have a another child as I struck gold first off. This is what I love about having one child you can tell them you love them more than anyone else and not make a sibling feel bad.

I cannot understand what motivates, so many people, to have multiple children.

TillyScoutsmum · 08/10/2008 14:11

Not sure whether I'm allowed on this thread or not (feel free to kick me off ). I have one dd and it took a while and a fair bit of heartache to get her I sometimes think I would like another and would be willing to try again but other times, I just can't be bothered to go through the inevitable disappointments to get there (I have fibroids and am prone to miscarriage and problems in pg).

I am also an only child though and that does make me err towards giving dd a sibling. To further complicate matters (!!), dp has a dd from his first marriage so dd does have a half sibling (who we see regularly) so I'm not sure if that negates the perceived need for her to have another full sibling.

squeaver · 08/10/2008 14:21

Of course you're allowed, Tilly! And I imagine having a step-sibling is another example of why having an only isn't the straight-forward ride some people think it is (and something else that could be covered in depth if we had our own topic - sign up here

Mousemate - welcome! I don't think the "mine" thing is exclusive to onlies, though. I think it's called being 3 (believe me, I have a threenager too!)!

DrN - bet you have a good persective being an only yourself.

Lasvegas - I'm with you on the "motivation" thing. I know so many people who say "I always knew I wanted 2 or 3 or whatever". I was never even sure I wanted one. But each to their own, I suppose.

TillyScoutsmum · 08/10/2008 15:14

Thank you

Its strange having a half sibling (I have two half brothers as well). My dsd and dd are very close at the moment. Dsd adores her little "sister" and vice versa. I often think if dd had a full sibling, her and dsd would love the closeness they have. I distinctly remember feeling close to my half brother when he came along but when the second one arrived, they bonded really well (being much closer in age and living together full time) and I started to feel like an outsider. I don't want that for my dsd

BlackPussyCat · 08/10/2008 15:16

Any news re The Topic squeaver?

squeaver · 08/10/2008 16:04

They seem a bit more concerned about smacking at MNHQ at the mo . They were trying to do a fill in our survey and get your topic tit-for-tat last night. I don't trust 'em, I tell ya.

teafortwo · 08/10/2008 19:55

TSM - I knew you have one dd and also a dsd and I had been thinking of how to call you over here - but I was afraid of seeming pushy!

I am delighted you made it by yourself!!!!

Hulababy · 08/10/2008 20:11

Details: one DD, age 6

I was one of three, so only childen were not the norm for me. DH is one of two.

DD was not always intended to be an only child. She took a long while to arrive, and #2 even longer - over 4 years now. Only month 3 of Clomid and have another 3 months to go. So, we will see. If that doesn't work, that will be it.

Hulababy · 08/10/2008 20:17

FWIW though I don't think DD suffers at all from being an only child, and her behaviours are no different to those of her friends, most of whom have siblings of various ages.

DD is very sociable and friendly. She has many friends and spends a lot of time with other children outside of school and on holidays. We chose to holiday with friends with children to ensure she has company. We, luckily, have never had any issues of sharing or taking turns, DD went to nursery from being little so she learnt fromt here I guess that it had to happen. She is also very considerate of others and can take thier feelings into account, again spending time with other children a lot hels with this. And I guess as an only child she is very adept at being able to occupy herself and playing/doing things independently too.

twowheels · 08/10/2008 20:59

This a great idea.

Details: one DS, 5.

I did not want him to be an only so have found it hard coming to terms with this. H didnt want anymore, plus we are older parents.

teafortwo · 08/10/2008 21:00

Squeaver,

As I came home from work I had a little smile to myself... thinking I would find a new topic on the MN topic board.

I was a little sad to discover - no there is not one.

So I filled in the survey and feel a little sadder for the profile of single child families in UK, if, even somewhere generally as open-minded and free thinking as Mumsnet will only conditionally "consider" allowing us to have a space to think, feel and be together.

What makes it worse is I had a sneaky peek on netmums to see if they had a space for people like us - parents with one child - but they speak in a special sort of "hun" language that I don't understand.