*** The Brand New One Child Family Thread ***

[Mulanmum]

By popular demand!

A thread for those of us blessed with ONE lovely child -whether by choice or by circumstance. Here we can discuss the unique challenges of raising a child without siblings, the joys, frustrations, rewards and huff and puff about stupid things people say to us at times

My dd is 9 and has NEVER wanted a sibling!

I adore motherhood - it's one of the few things in life I am good at - so I kind of think it would be nice if I had more children - but the circumstances have not been right for me - and I think it is more than likely that I would be happiest as I am, the proud mother of one, fabulous, child.

Would be nice to have a topic , wouldn't it?

But a thread is a good start. So nice to have a place where we're not being judged!

My one and only is fast asleep and I am enjoying a beer. Bedtime was as calm as usual as I can devote all my attention to DS. I love cuddling up to him for half an hour, hearing about his day and reading him his story.

What do the rest of you love about having one?

Have to say we do need a bit of a subject(s) otherwise we may well become the "freak" thread-amongst others

OK Whooosh let's use Slayerette's question:

What do you love about having one?

Yesterday lunch time I picked DD up from nursery and we went to ballet and I was able to enjoy watching her do an activity she loves without having to juggle other children's needs and wants. Then we went into town and had a nice civilised snack and chat in Marks & Spencers without me having to keep an eye on what any other kids were up to!

Tonight my husband has gone to the pub straight from work with some friends, so I picked DD up from nursery and we got some chips from the chippy, came home and had them. Then a nice relaxed bath time. She's now curled up under a blanket on the sofa watching the Hi-5 DVD we found at the charity shop yesterday. I'm going to join her and we'll have a snuggle (and I'll eye up Nathan - phoar!). It's delicious having a one and only

Tomorrow she and DH are going to watch Nemo on Ice and they'll have lovely father-daughter time and I'll get some time to myself!

hi, i have 1 DD age 10.
I may be slightly different to most of you as i never actually wanted kids at all.
DD was an accident.
Obviously DD is my world and i could not imagine life without her, but i would rather have all my gear removed and DH's to be on the safe side,than have more.
The problem is, DH does want more.

Mulanmum-oh I so agree{grin]

I've just read my last post and I sound like a really smug git!

shivermetimbers - welcome. We are all alike and all different - that is what makes us human.

Mulanmum - I love going shopping and to cafes with my dd. I also take her to art galleries, the cinema and museums. She is two - but being just one child it is really fun for us both! I can't wait to take her to the opera or ballets and if either of us could get up in time for them (children's theatre is nearly always at silly a.m) I would take her to the theatre too!

Has anyone tried adventurous travel with their one? It has occured to me it could be done - and could be fun!

I've changed my name for "a wee minute" just to post this link as I don't want my real identity being linked with my mumsnet name, iykwim.

I thought some of you might be interested in reading [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/is-one-a-lonely-number-736039.html this article] which I took part in 5 years ago. I'm "catherine" in the article and I still definitely haven't changed my views since the day it was written.

Okay, perhaps I wouldn't quote now as "having a messy house" as a reason not to have another lol.

sorry, fixing link. here

Heh, 'having a messy house' is a silly reason, agreed! My house usually looks like an entire playgroup lives in it, not one child and two adults. If I had more children at least I'd have an excuse for it ... and an excuse for being so madly stressed most of the time. But I would also BE more madly stressed!

TigerFeet, it's good to hear that someone else has an only grandchild as well. It is a bit rubbish that DD has no cousins (my DB and SIL have been trying for nearly two years and my BIL is recluse who's unlikely to reproduce unless he manages to do it asexually). She does have six second cousins aged between 0 and 7 (she is 4.7), four of whom live in the British Virgin Isles

DCMB - My dd is also going to be the only grandchild - which sometimes I feel a bit sad about for her as it would be nice for her to have some cousins, my brother may have children but by then she'll be a teenager and they also live miles away from us.

On the other hand she gets complete undivided attention from all of her grandparents.

MarlaSinger -

I really think people with large families have enough to chat about on their threads and won't be lurking here. But if they are lurking - they are welcome to read about what it is like with just one! -

We are not here to offend anyone - Let me explain...

My sister is a nurse I am a teacher. I could never do her job she could never do mine. I think both of us do jobs that are vital and good ones. We couldn't do what the other is doing and there is an understanding that I need support from other teachers and she from other nurses sometimes. Same goes for Mums with big families and us with just one child I suppose! I feel overall there is respect and understanding for those in the other camp! I really believe it is completely ok to choose something different to me. It doesn't mean anyone is right or wrong. Just that within humanity there is diversity and it is that which makes an interesting and progressive World.

So... So... so.... In conclusion - I think it is ok for us to chat openly and honestly about having one child, MarlaSinger!!!!

Re our own topic: I think it would be good because there are lots of different aspects to having an only and issues that people can be helped with e.g. going on holiday, socialising if you have a shy child, making sure they're not spoilt etc.

Also people get to this stage in lots of different ways. For me I always knew if I ever had a child it would only be one. For others it's because the haven't managed to conceive beyond one and others - like shivermetimbers - find themselves here by accident.

So let's see how this one goes and then get lobbying!!

It's sad if people patronise you if they have a larger family, but my view is each to their own.

And right now I am LOVING having an only because the ILs are here and are entertaining dd 24/7. Feels like a holiday (all the usual aggravations that go with the ILs aside!).

Well said TFT!

Well said squeaver!

Do some of you REALLY get grief about only having one?

It startles me because I never have - and I would never comment on other people's situation as I am always wary of the choice v circumstance thing.

I have sometimes been asked if I will have another and I just answer "nope, just the one". On the rare occasion I am pressed I just respond that I do not want another one. End of. Nobody's elses business. I've never really been hassled though (mebbee cos I'm old!)

I can't really get my head round why "we" judge people's reproductive choices. childless, one child or six+ - each to their own!

Anyway, good luck with the thread!

i'm so happy that this thread got started!

i have one ds (9 months) and i am completely mad about him... i was 36 when i had him and sort of thought i probably wouldn't have children at all but i have LOVED every day of being a mum.

i don't really want another, tbh, cos i love having so much time to spend with him, as well as cos of money reasons etc. but also because he's been an angelic baby, and i feel like we might not get so lucky again!!

i do worry because we're older parents (me 37 now and dp 10 years older, but when i think about friends whose parents or grandparents have got elderly and/or ill, it seems like the burden of care almost always falls on one sibling anyway, and that itself seems to cause resentment.

i come froma small family and don't really know other people with children, so i do worry about socialization. am hoping my sister hurries up and has one so he can have a cousin, but she swears she only wants to be an auntie...

I don't recall ever getting grief about only having one, but there was certainly bafflement in my mums & babies group, as all of the others were going to have another and didn't even seem to have considered the possibility of stopping at one. And just occasionally a slightly patronising comment, specially when DS was under about 2, that implied I would probably change my mind once we'd got past the very demanding stage. But as he got older I don't think anyone really commented much, only asking if we had others in a "making conversation" kind of way.

MarlaSinger - I hope that there won't be any unpleasant comments from lurkers with big families, or anyone else for that matter. Of course you can never guess round here where the next troll or argumentative regular is going to pop up, but I don't think that our choices (or circumstance we are in not by choice) are in any way an expression of negativity about large families, or medium families, or people who for whatever reason have no children. It's just that we have something in common, and things that we'd like to discuss.

I can empathise with your reasons for stopping at one - DH and I found the first couple of years very hard work, and it was a real struggle at times. We came through it stronger, but I don't think I'd have been confident about doing it again. In fact I've never felt broody again, so it's never been an issue, but if I had then it would have been a very tricky decision.

I know what you mean about putting things away too - I've often felt "I won't be doing this again" when we've reached the end of a stage. But I think from other threads that mums who have decided this is their last baby often feel that way too, so having more than one would only delay those feelings!

DD is 12, never wanted another child. Also DD has never wanted a brother or sister (when I had a sickness bug a couple of months back, she said 'Oh you're not pregnant are you?' in horrified tones).

I used to have all the 'selfish' comments when she was younger, but now she is so old (lol) those comments have stopped.

She has never had any problems socially, mind you she is very gregarious by nature, far more so than me; I am very bookish and reserved, she is very sporty and outgoing. I used to worry about her spending so much time in adult company, as none of my friends had children when she was young, but she has grown up to be very well balanced.

The one thing is the house always seems to be full of kids anyway, as I am very keen that she has friends round for dinner/sleepover, so she doesn't get lonely. Not that she has ever complained.

Am glad I have only got the one! God only knows how people cope with more than one child!

What a great idea. I was thinking the other day that a thread r section specifically for those with only children might be nice.#I have been told I'm selfish for having only one child but then I was also called selfish pre-ds for having no children.

I would like another one but at 43 and having had no periods for 2 years this is a virtual impossibiliy now. Also because IVF egg donation (our only real option for another baby) would take so long, DS (now 4) would probably be at least 6 if not older, if it worked at all. I'm not sure I want another baby now with all the hassle they entail (lovely as they are). I am very sad though that I don't and almost certainly now never will have a bigger family.

HAd a monent at teh weekend. friend who I see only once or twice a year asked why I wasn;t exxpecting number 2 yet as boy is 2.5 . I felt obliged to point out that I wasn;t as careless as him- father of 3 all unplanned.