*** The Brand New One Child Family Thread ***

[Mulanmum]

By popular demand!

A thread for those of us blessed with ONE lovely child -whether by choice or by circumstance. Here we can discuss the unique challenges of raising a child without siblings, the joys, frustrations, rewards and huff and puff about stupid things people say to us at times

[MagicGlassesFairy]

One dd (5) here.
In dd's class at school I think there are about 8 other children who are also only ones - which means I don't get the 'when you are having another?' questions from lots of other mums.

[arabicabean]

Brilliant thread - can I join too?

By way of introduction: I'm an only child and I have a baby of 8 months. He will be my one and only child. By choice, but also by circumstances because it took all the current IVF techniques going to conceive him. Theoretically I could do it again, but I don't want to. Time is just too precious. I want to enjoy every nanosecond of my baby.

Will pop back later, but must make the next feed now.

[mojoawol]

Joining also! Meant to be working, but v quiet day in the office!
Have one ds (almost 4), but am also single Mum, and at 37 myself, I think the chance of meeting someone in time to fertilise one of my last remaining eggs is probably limited. Have also worried about the 'what about when I go' question, but I also think if I were to try and squeeze another child out, I would probably end up 'going' alot earlier! Also, my own brother has emigrated to Australia, so if and when my parents go, don't really see how my brother will be of much support.
DS has plenty of socialising with childminders, pre-school etc so don't feel too worried on that.
Sometimes also I love that its just me and him against the world - although it can get tiring with the attention that he wants, but I guess thats only fair enough as I work full-time. When you look at families of more than one dc, seems to be a real mix of sibling love/hate/fighting, (I know I wanted to kill my brother until I was about 18!) so its probably never perfect!

[slayerette]

Hello - can I join?

One DS - 5 - in Yr 1. Several only children in his year at school so fewer than I was anticipating! Have largely survived the 'When's the next one?' conversations now - most people realise that DS is the one and only. But I still feel tremendous guilt about it every now and then because I don't want a second one but have been judged for this in the past - was told I was 'cruel' by one acquaintance.

I have a large family on my side, DH a smaller family on his. DS has two cousins who are onlies so will not be alone in his generation, iyswim.

I love him to bits but as DontCallMeBaby said, I found looking after a baby really hard and have never felt remotely broody...

[slayerette]

Junipero - am v lucky in that DH and I have always both felt absolutely the same about this.

[Botbot]

My DP and I both feel the same too. Both almost have our minds made up to leave it at one, but both have the nagging voice too. I think he would really like a ds, and might come to regret not having tried for one, but he's never actually said this.

[mojoawol]

OMG - have just realised I inadvertently lied about my age - forgot I'm 38 (almost 3bloody9!) not 37! Dementia setting in already.

[Takver]

Junipero my DD was the worst sleeper in the world until about age 3, so DH wasn't falling over himself to have another one either. He has made occasional noises about 'it might be nice to have two' - but since he specified a) only another 6 yr old, not another baby and b) only another daughter, I don't think the noises are very serious!
I know quite a lot of other onlies, but 99% of them are girls - DH and I were wondering whether (a) if you have trouble conceiving, are girls easier? b) girls are worse babies? or c) lots of women want a daughter, whereas men are less likely to push for a son? Or maybe its just statistical clustering in this area, and not more only girls at all . . .

[Botbot]

I was quite a bookish child who was always happy to sit indoors cutting up bits of paper and knitting while my db bazzed about on his bike with his mates. So I think I'd have managed fine as an only child.

Because of this, I always thought that if I had a dd (which I did) I'd be less worried about her being an only than I would be with a ds. If I'd had a ds I might have found myself more eager to have another. That could be another reason why lots the onlies you know are girls?

Mind you, I know a fair few only boys, so it probably is just random clustering!

[AMumInScotland]

I suspect it may be random - I've an only DS, and I know about equal numbers of girls and boys.

[whooosh]

Excellent-a thread for me too!

One DD ahed 3.6 and she wil be an only,partly due to my advancing age and partly becasue I don't want to "saddle" her with siblings she may or may not like.
I have three sisters and I don't like any of them-would hate to do the same to DD.

[MissisBoot]

What a great thread!

I have one dd who is three and she's going to be an only through choice. I don't have an overwhelming urge for another baby, I also had a nightmare birth and really don't want to be put in that situation again. But crucially I am happy as a mother to one.

I was one of two, but my sibling is much younger than me so I didn't really have a real close bond due to the age gap.

All my friends have now had their seconds ones and I certainly felt that there was lots of pressure to have another.

As DD is going to be an only I've always encouraged her to approach other children to play with as she's not going to have to rely on a sibling for entertainment. She's also been really good at sharing and taking turns etc.

Life is made slightly easier as best friend also is only having one child and her dd and mine get on really well so I think that relationship somehow has a sisterly element to it.

[PinkPussyCat]

Thank you for starting this thread! Will come back and read it all properly later, just wanted to check myself in as I have one ds who is 14 months and no intention of having another.

I am always being asked when I am having the next one - I think 'he's only 14 months old ffs!' People can be sooo nosey.

DS just woken up from nap so got to go but I will return!

[grouchyoscar]

Glad to hear that other mums are happy with one child.

I'm often asked when #2 is planned and I say 'happy with the one, why push my luck further?'

I feel my family is complete with the 3 of us. I thought I would have had 2 but DS has been enough for the past 5 years so...

[GenerationX]

Hi I want to jump in to.

I have a ds who is 6, this is not by choice and I struggle with that every day . Now I am getting older its not often people ask me when I will have another.

Although when I am being rational I am not sure I would ever of been able to cope with more, and I am pretty sure we could not have afforded more than one.

I love my ds with all my heart, he is my joy and light, he is very sociable, loves the company of kids and adults, and seems content as a only.

[squeaver]

Hurray! We've got a thread!

Onwards and upwards: we'll have a whole topic to ourselves one day.

[medogsarebarking]

Hello! Can I join too? I have one DD who's 3. Just signing in - now I'll go back and read the whole thread properly!

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

Hello.

I only have one girl - a 7yo. Very happy with only one and don't want any more. I do feel bad for dd sometimes though as she's been going through a spate of begging for a baby brother or sister. There is no chance though of me changing my mind!

I could not imagine how difficult it would be to have 2. I know people say that you just get on with it but to be honest I find it quite stressful at times just having one! Plus we have more money this way, dd has more attention from us, more holidays/activities for her.

[Blu]

Hello - I have DS, 7, and didn't plan any more, really. By the time I had him I was very happily engaged in a child-free life, and having one child seemed such a great opportunity, that i kind of felt happy with that. DP (who was keener to have a baby than me in th first place) was alway adamant that we would have one child as he thought relationships suffer with one.

Moot point there - and impossible to generalise, really.

Anyway, we are lucky to be very happy in our small family - I think the constant commenting must be very hard to bear if you want but have not got more - and my irritation towards the fatuous spouters-of-nonsense is increased when I think of it in that context.

[nolongeraworriedmummy]

OOh can I join in?

I have a dd who is 5 and a half and chose to only have one child.

[pluto]

I have a DS who is 8. We have thought for a long time he would be an only and our routines and plans for the future were shaped with this in mind. A lot of difficulty TTC no 2. meant I'd started to accept this is how our family would be. He loves his own company, is self-sufficient and confident in the company of adults but we have always made sure he has opportunities to mix with other children outside of school. I've been able to enjoy a fulfilling career and we haven't had major financial worries. I do worry that weekends are sometimes a bit lonely for him if we don't organise a friend to come round... now, incredibly and after all this time, I am expecting no.2 and I'm full of excitement and trepidation for how my only will adjust: he isn't looking forward to it: it's hardly as if he's being provided with a playmate and he's old enough to understand that his life will change significantly when No.2 arrives. I would never ask a woman with one child "are you going to have anymore?" It's rude, judgemental and implies that one child can never a complete family. With an age gap of 9 years between DS and the baby by the time it arrives in some ways I think it'll have been like bringing up 2 only children, especially when DS leaves home in 10 years or so. I'm thrilled about the second child but I also will really miss my times with my DS as an only - because they are great.

[teafortwo]

Pluto what an interesting story - for one look forward to hearing about your second only child!!! Tee hee hee!!!

Somethingelse I thought of is....

Are you very structured with your only?

See I am not. Dd sleeps when she is tired, eats when she is hungry or when it fits into our daily activity and that can be quite spontanious too.

This is quite horrific for most people I talk to... but I explain - when it is just us two we can do as we feel we don't need a routine as such!

I find the idea of a strict routine quite scary, infact, but my cousin who has four children is afraid of anything messing up 'the routine' 'the routine!!!'.

[MimisMama]

This might sound a bit bizarre as I now have two children (DS 5wks) but my DD is nearly 6 and I was COMPLETELY happy with things the way they were so can totally understand why people would only want one. (Of course, my son is a little darling and I can't imagine being without him... now!)

I also never felt broody and the sight of a double buggy sends me into a cold sweat!

I don't understand how people cope with two little children at once and maintain their sanity, and I am one of six children (but my mum's mad so maybe that answers that one!).

Basically I just to say 'respect due!' to the 'one and happy' brigade!

[Podrick]

Only children usually have better social skills than those with siblings...because they have to!

You can be lazy / selfish when you have siblings, but not so as an only if you want to have friends!