How do I get anything done?!

[wastingmyeducation]

DH back at work this week, gets in at 6pm. Before this, he was home for a month, and before that, he was home by 3pm.
DS is 18weeks old, and will not be left alone, in fact, he wants to be held most of the time. He sleeps very badly, and usually needs to bf to sleep and lately, he wakes up when I try to put him down. The last few days I've had no evening either, just feeding and trying to put him in his cot.
How on earth am I supposed to get anything done?!
I've washed the nappies and taken the huge pile of rubbish out today, there's a pile of washing-up and nothing for dinner.
MIL is coming round tomorrow for a couple hours, but she starts a new job with more hours soon, so I don't know if I'll have that help again.

It's all getting to me a little now, not just the mess, but I can't do anything for myself.

xx

I remember it well
Never worked for me, but a sling?
It will change very quickly - he will either sleep better or be less clingy as he gets mre mobile?
Have you tried feeding to sleep on a pillow and then just putting the pilow down?

First of all it will get better, and you will get more confident.

Take one step at a time. Could you try putting him in a sling in front of you so he can follow what you are doing? Or put him in a seat beside you so that he can see what you are doing and you can talk together (just tell him everything that pops into your head, I am now putting in the laundry, adding the conditioner etc. etc.).

Make sure that you that you get some alone time during the weekends.

I'd like to sling, but no good for housework - big boobs and short arms.
I did have him in his chair in the kitchen with me on Monday, but he wasn't happy for long.
It does change quickly doesn't it?
I think the 'growth spurt' he's been on is ending according to the poo, hoping the sleep follows quickly.
I haven't tried feeding on a pillow, shall give that a go tomorrow.

xx

wastingmyeducation, this sounds incredibly like my own.
One I put in a swing (make sure it is secure and that they can see you) so they can be safe and you can move about.
The second I put in a playpen, little thing and I had to soon put her in a bumper so she could scoot about.
Third was played with by the second (very close in age) so I could get more done but had twice as much to do.
You will be okay. At that time I wanted to pull my hair out and crawl under a rock (not enough hours in the day) but time goes by and soon you will be giving advice on this subject instead of asking for it. Hang in there!

We had a really good day yesterday, MIL took DS out for a loooong walk, and I had a shower and cleaned the kitchen and after a marathon feed, he slept for nearly three hours. He watched me get dinner, went down really well and then got me up all bloody night. Today I have eaten, dressed DS and fed him. He's had some calpol and seems worse. I am getting hysterical with sleep deprivation, but I wouldn't mind if I could get dressed and take him out in the pram, but he screams if I put him somewhere safe while I do anything. TBH I think he is getting upset because I am now.

xx

Could you have another baby, so your son has someone to play with.

He's four months old and I haven't the energy to shag DH right now.

xx

Have you tried a Bumbo? My two littlies (now 1 and 2) loved it. Have you tried putting him in a chair in front of the washing machine?

This happened with DS, and at about the same age (poss a bit younger than yours by a few weeks), so started using the "pick up put down" sleep training method (by the Baby Whisperer/Tracy Hogg). You can find info on her site about it. It was hard work, but it worked for us within a week or so.

www.babywhisperer.com/

By "This" I mean the putting him down asleep (rocked to sleep after a feed) and him waking straight up.

Can't use a bumbo until they can support their own heads, can they?

I have similar probs Wasting, short arms, big boobs, cuddly baby! Using a pillow for feeding is great.
Also, SOD THE HOUSEWORK! The house will only be messy again in a short while. Try and enjoy this time with your bub. The house can wait.

When my dd2 was 18 weeks the routine went like this......

7am I had a bath and got ready while dp watched her
then I fed her
did the school run
when I got back we both went back to bed for at least half an hour if she'd had me up in the night, if I wasn't too tired I washed up and made bottles
about 11ish I'd feed again and she'd sleep for a while and I'd go back to bed or tidy/ clean/ put something in the slow cooker for tea.
feed again at 2pm
she'd have a 30 mins nap about 4.30 ish while I did dd1's homework and sorted dinner
she had a bath at 6pm then a good feed then bed
10-11pm we did a dream feed

I think we tried not to feed at night but I can't really remember if you're not feeding in the night but he wakes try water instead and the usual no fuss no lights no talking etc

I can still remember all this and my dd2 is 3 in just over a week! It's gone so fast!

If you get a wrap type sling you can put the baby on your back. I did this with DD2 as otherwise I couldn't get anything done.

You have my sympathy, babies like this are exhausting. I know it gets to us but I think we have to accept that things are not going to get done to usual standards for a while.

I found when DD was six months and able to sit up and chew on a finger food that that helped a little. Before that I found that if I laid her down on a couple of big towels with her nappy off she would be happy for a short while playing with her feet. Weirdly if I put a nappy back on she would immediately start to grizzle and want picked up.

Good luck, tis exhausting!

Just thinking I remeber at this stage with both of my children that if I had managed to shower, dress in clean clothes and eat some food then it had been a 'good day'.

Most of the housework can wait, but the washing-up and dirty nappies can't wait.
I did fancy a Bumbo, as he can support his head, just can't sit up properly, but I assumed I'd fork out the cash to have a sitting-up-and-crying baby.
I've got 'No Cry Sleep Solution' on order, and shall think about slings again.
I think I could cope with the days if I could get more sleep, it's making me feel unwell, and I can't even have coffee at the moment!
Thank you all!

xx

I feel your pain, my DD2 was a crap sleeper too . I once fell asleep at traffic lights in the car and scared the life out of myself.

I found this site good for baby on back with wrap advice.

www.mamatoto.org/

Sorry don't have much advice with the sleep thing, we tried everything to no avail.

Could be that your little one is going through a growth spurt hence constant evening feeding.

Agree washing up has to be done, could you get a dishwasher? I couldn't have managed the first year without mine, used to put EVERYTHING in it (not dirty nappies obviously!).

It will pass but I remember very clearly how bloody tiring it is. If I had a quid for everytime that I snarled at DH that I wasn't having anymore farkin kids I'd be rolling.

The suggestions you've been given might help you get a bit more time to do stuff, but I think the thing that will help you most, at this point in your life, is to accept that your life is as it is for the time being.

If you have decided to be a SAHM and your baby is little and lively, you just have to stop thinking about the life you used to have and even about the fact that you're 'wastingyoureducation', because I can tell you from bitter experience that you will make yourself deeply unhappy.

Just try to do the absolute essentials, explain to anyone you feel may judge you that you've had to occupy the baby all day so were not able to get on top of things and try to do things you enjoy when you can eg when you're feeding the baby: talk to a good friend on the phone/watch something interesting on DVD/read an enjoyable book etc etc. You have to snatch your pleasures where you can and you have to accept that life with a little baby is HARD. You do not need to make it harder by beating yourself up about the state of your home.

Try to get out of the house whenever you can, it's good for your mood and helps babies be less 'fussy'.

Oh and how about getting a sympathetic cleaner once a week, who will not mind if the place is a bit of a mess? It would help you stop worrying about it being dirty, if that's something that's on your mind.

I have 3 children now, (the oldest is 12) a spotless flat, a good routine, a cleaner once a week, but when I was at your stage I felt EXACTLY as you do and wish someone had given me the advice I'm giving you

get a sling and a cleaner..it worked for me ;)

I know what you're saying Janni, I've no problem being a SAHM, it's only when I can't get showered that it gets to me, because then I can't go out etc. I've got myself some good books to read, but I can't knit with a baby on my lap!
I think MIL will be able to come round at least once a week during the week so I can have a break.
DH already winds me up about being middle-class, if I asked for a cleaner I'd never hear the end of it!
DS appears to be having a long nap again, very rare that he does the same thing two days running - right, I'm off for a shower!

xx

In order for you to get the bare minimum done eg shower, clean nappoes etc you should bear in mind that babies don't generally die of crying...This is something that one learns very quickly with number 2 baby when there is a conflict of attention seeking . Maybe this is controversial but it's worth bearing in mind...

It was not a long nap. The crying started as soon as I'd shampooed my hair. Oh well, I'm clean! And it's true, the odd cry won't hurt, but it's nice to avoid if possible, it makes me sad

xx

Having had twins I learned quicky that in order to get anyting done you should finish what you started if you know they are safe IE if you feed and change them and put them in a babyseat in the bathroom - then have a shower even if they cry if they are ok just do bite sized tasks and finish them
and long as you can see them in thier swing or babysead it is ok not to constsntly carry them. Make sure you get plenty of rest when your DH and MIL are around you need all your energy at this stage..

sad is better than mad which is whaat you will be driven if this carries on, non????

Very true. If I allow moderate crying in the grand scheme of things, then I may cope.

xx

sling on your back?

have a shower before DH leaves or have a bath with the baby? or make do with baby wipes and dry shampoo (both surprisingly effective when you have no time to scrub up properly)

baby in pushchair or rocking or bouncy chair in kitchen?

nappy service - at least till things are more calm?

sleep with the baby in bed during the day?

PS you CAN go out without having a shower, it isn't illegal! Lower your standards, woman, it is what the rest of us do!