How do I get anything done?!

[wastingmyeducation]

DH back at work this week, gets in at 6pm. Before this, he was home for a month, and before that, he was home by 3pm.
DS is 18weeks old, and will not be left alone, in fact, he wants to be held most of the time. He sleeps very badly, and usually needs to bf to sleep and lately, he wakes up when I try to put him down. The last few days I've had no evening either, just feeding and trying to put him in his cot.
How on earth am I supposed to get anything done?!
I've washed the nappies and taken the huge pile of rubbish out today, there's a pile of washing-up and nothing for dinner.
MIL is coming round tomorrow for a couple hours, but she starts a new job with more hours soon, so I don't know if I'll have that help again.

It's all getting to me a little now, not just the mess, but I can't do anything for myself.

xx

Lots of sympathy for you - I have a dd who has been very similar - she's 6 months now, erratic sleeper, won't go to anyone other than me or DH without crying, won't be left alone to amuse herself (although very happy to amuse herself if I am sitting next to her ... it's tough. Think the advice you've been given about lowering standards is very fair - I've had to although it is tough. I also find the 'this too shall pass' mantra helpful! Every day you survive is one day less to get through - and one day he will sleep through. The thing that I have come to realise is that I can't change it (although I can try to help train her to sleep better etc) so I might as well do my best to enjoy it. She's only going to be this little once - there will always be washing up... My DH regularly comes home to piles of washing up and half finished chores - he knows how tough she is to look after so he just does what he can to help - I haven't cooked dinner more than 4 times in 6 months (I know I'm lucky and my DH is a marvel!). The other thing that helps is to keep really busy during the days - I do as many activities with dd as I possibly can to tire her out. Everything from going out for long walks to swimming (particularly tiring for her)... If you can afford it go to some baby classes - Gymboree or similar - if not, just take him out and about as much as you possibly can. And when you're at home make sure that one way or another he gets plenty of stimulus to tire him out. And, whilst it might make you cry too, crying a bit won't hurt him (and it will tire him out a bit too!) so don't think you are being a dreadful mum if you have to let him cry while you put a load of washing on... just talk to him whilst you do it and give him lots of cuddles afterwards. Sorry for long, rambly post. Hope some of it helps.

I had exactly this with my DS1 and when my DH got home at night I hadn't even washed up from breakfast or had a drink all day. I just threw DS into his arms and told him it was his turn!

Some tips to get through this:

An automatic swing,
Going for walk, then when DS asleep wheeling the pram back into the house and pushing it back and forth occasionally,
A bouncer chair with a toy bar in the front,
Get stuff like admin and phone calls done when you are out and about if DS sleeps in car or pram,
Have a bath at night and only wash hair on weekends,
Force yourself to get out the house with a pram for a walk - the screaming never sounds as bad outside,
If really tired have a quick dinner when DH gets home (ready meal or take away) and then go straight to bed and he can take over with the baby for a few hours til he goes to bed.

Good luck, I know how awful this stage is if you have a difficult baby. Above all, don't look at how other people are doing, just accept it and do what is best for you.

I had the exact same thing with my ds. Always had to be fed to sleep and never entertained himself in the day. My dh works 12 hour shifts (thankfully 4 days on, 4 days off otherwise I'd have been stuffed!). The house was ALWAYS a tip, dinner was never ready, I was knackered.

I found that in the day I could just about tidy up with my ds in one arm and talk to him about what I was doing as we went along. Cooking was a different matter, I had to just prepare really easy meals like microwavable veges and pre cooked chicken, pasta is fairly quick and easy if you just add a jar of sauce, jacket potato, anything really easy peasey just to get you through this stage.

The only advice I have is to sod the housework but do try to eat and drink regularly, even if it's one handed! Also, perhaps let ds nap on you so it cuts down on the battles of trying to get him in his cot in the day and allows you to grab some food with him in your arms. It's a personal choice though. Everyone told me that if I let ds nap on me then he'd never learn to sleep on his own. In my experience (maybe I was lucky!) it's b**cks, ds is now 13 months old and naps really well and settles himself everynight in his cot and sleeps through the night.

Do whatever works and remember that this stage really is over with so quick, although it feels like an eternity at the time! For what it's worth I couldn't put my ds sown in the day til he got crawling at 9 months, he was always up in my arms wanting to be carried around and shown things. It was hell at the time but over with now and he's walking/ running away from me most days now!

Not sure whether this will help or not, but my dd was like this for ages and it drove me absolutely crazy at first. Three things really helped:

• When she learnt to settle herself for a nap. I found this out by luck when she had a huge explosive nappy and I had to give her a bath then ended up putting her in her cot with her musical cot mobile on while I cleaned bits of poo out the bath! I suddenly realised all had gone quiet and she was asleep. Then a couple of days later I read on babycentre that young babies get overtired after about 2hrs of being awake so if you put them down about 1.5 to 2 hrs after they wake up then they may actually settle quite quickly. It was a bit hit and miss at first, but we did finally get a routine of at least two 1 hr naps in each day....

• Taking her upstairs in the afternoon and lying on the bed bf her to sleep and then the two of us having a 1-2hr nap on the bed (or me reading while she slept, if I wasn't tired - v rare!). Clearly this probably only works when its your first child!

• Baby sleeping bags, for night time feeds etc, she didn't wake up when I put her back into her cot as she wasn't going back in between cold sheets but was still warm and snuggly in her sleeping bag. Plus she couldn't kick it off etc....

Once things started to improve they did quickly. She stopped feeding herself to sleep quite late on (about 9-10 months I think) but naps and other sleep issues sorted themselves out by about 20/22 weeks and she did stop being clingy the more mobile she got. She's now nearly 16 months and dc 2 is expected in about 5 weeks! Just hoping that this one will be more easy

Good luck - sorry for the long post - I hope that your dc works out a manageable routine soon.

swing!

When Ds was around this age, I had a bad week and went to toy r us for the biggest fanciest swing.

It was good because

a) after a few false starts it did comfort and lull him to sleep

b) I somehow felt much less guilty about puttng him down, even if he cried and grizzled, if he was swinging. My logic was that it was'like' being rocked, so he wouldn't feel so odd, and it was more like him being grumpy when I held him (which happened often enough),

Gosh, this has brought back memories.

I think in the end, I just made sure she was fed, clean, safe, and had to get things done. I'd put her in her bouncy chair, right where I was, ad talked her constantly through what I was doing. It didn't take too long ( a bit of crying) before she knew I was not leaving her, that she could see me, and that I was right there all the time. She did get better though, and it will for you, honestly. Plus, you will get more confident, not quite so affected by it and you will find things gradually fall into place more.

It's so hard. I truly understand the hysterical with sleep deprivation. It so desperate, I know.

I look back now though, to those days, and wish I'd made more of being able to put her down without her moving, or, going for a wee etc without an audience, saying " wee wee mummy, go.. come on... wee mummy... come on go... " ad infinitum. I leave a pile of books by the toilet door now, in the hope se will be happy to look at them, rather than me on the loo!

Quote: "Taking her upstairs in the afternoon and lying on the bed bf her to sleep and then the two of us having a 1-2hr nap on the bed (or me reading while she slept, if I wasn't tired - v rare!). Clearly this probably only works when its your first child!"

Do this do this do this! My DS is a bad sleeper and gets bored quickly and it's really tiring. having naps in the day has saved my life and my marriage, and it's also a really lovely time to snuggle down with him.

He's 6 months now and here's my tips:

1. A sling. if your boobs are too big get the jojomamanbebe one where the baby sits on your hip in a sling. you can't do everything with a sling but you can do plenty of stuff.

2. have a bath with the baby. run it really deep so you can lie down with babe sitting on your lap and he's still in plenty of water. I spent ages doing this because it was relaxation which I didn't get anywhere else. We still have our baths together and we love it!

3. have 1 thing to do each day. people used to say to me 'leave the housework' but being in a messy house made me miserable, so I would do 1 thing per day for about half an hour and the house was liveable in and I didn't spend all day trying and failing to get loads done.

4. go out for walks. it might get the baby to sleep, it might not but at least you've been out the house. take a drink and a book or ipod or whatever and use the time to relax. being outside has always been an instant calmer for my DS.

5)Take his pants off. My DS will lie quite happily with his balls out for much longer than he will with his clothes on. Although I admit this maybe my DS being a bit weird, it's worth a try.

wastingmyeducation, all this advice is good advice. I wish I had a "mumsnet" or other when mine were little. The best though I've read is Janni about your attitude. That is key to so many things in life!
Janni, you must be wise beyond your years.
If you are a stay at home mom then try to nap when your baby does. Sure, your schedule will be somewhat strange for a while but you will get things done, have more time (quality time) for your baby and a shower. My son never slept (for more than 4 hours maximum) very long until he started school.
I have a picture of one under one arm and one under the other with me (looking like death warmed over) in the center. The time will pass quickly but it is a relative concept. So again, heed Janni's advice and make the time fly!

Hey wasting my ed

to echo lots of other posts you are so not alone - and you sound just like me. I think Janni is right but i also know that it wouldnt have mattered if the whole world had given me that advice at the time because i wasnt ready to hear it. I was so fixed on being my version of a great mum. i.e. small baby asleep in a cot while i baked cakes and grew my own organic veg! instead i had two years of no sleep, few showers and DS permanently wingeing and attached to me (oh and PND!). Even after he learned to walk i used to shuffle round the house with a grizzling DS attached to my leg like some kind of chain gang manacle...

Anyway here, with an awful lot of hindsight, is what i wish i had done at the time and would do if i could summon up the courage to have a second!

been much much much more demanding of DH. He was great at somethings (cooking) and rubbish at others (washing up). I thought i should be able to cope.

found the money somewhere for a dishwasher and a cleaner (too bad if its MC, its also sensible and rational)We finally bought a dw on ebay when ds was 2. It would not be an understatement to say it changed my life.

made sleep my number one priority. sleep at any available opportunity; sleep with baby in the day, sleep at weekends when DH around, go to bed really early at night even if it means less time with DH (he will cope, you wont if you are sleep deprived)

Sorry for rabbiting on. good luck, it really is so tough... its not you. and then they turn into total angels and it all makes sense!

I have to poo with ds2 on my lap at the moment.. velcro isnt the word for it.

Just repeat the mantra 'its a phase, it will pass'. Also they arent like that to irritate, is a natural need for them. With ds1 I found his clinging overwhelming at times... now with ds2 i accept it with as much humour as i can (at 4am there isnt much left )

Highly recommend dry shampoo. Batiste is the cheapest one (Boots do it) and it works especially well on lighter coloured hair. 2 minutes spraying and scrunching and it looks good as clean!

Also recommend getting a dishwasher. I held out against having one for ages thinking 'surely by the time you've loaded it you could have done the washing up.' Foolish thoughts!

Am only expecting my first dc so no advice on that score, but best of luck.

DS was like this so we co slept so we at least got some sleep, was easier for feeding in the night as well. I used a sling constantly with him on front/at the side or on my back depending on what I needed to get done. It does pass, he is now a happy confident 3 yr old who happily waves me off as I drop him at nursery.

I have to say. I felt like this. DD is now 8.5 months an I am pregnant with DC2 and still feel like this! I do also childmind though. I have finallly spoken to a cleaner and she is coming round next week for 2.5hours and I can't wait. We can't afford it, and we probably shouldn't be the mess was driving me mad and causing arguements with me and DH etc. We are doing it on an as and when needed basis at first, to see if we can afford it and see if it is worth the money. I think it will be!

As with the others you are not alone. Ds now 3.4 was exactly the same. The following worked for me, tn enable some of the other advice about getting out etc. Basiclaly you have to get everything essential done before DH/DP leaves as if you were going to work. So

1. Make sure you get dressed and showered before DH leaves. Then you can go out etc without feeling like a dirty scuzzy mum, which doesn't help your mood.

2. You or Dh need to make your lunch in the am before he leaves to make sure you eat, it's easy to do a sarnie and wrap it and pack it in the fridge. Make a fruit salad that will last etc.

3. Youve got to get your baby to learn to fall asleep on a pillow or cushion. This transformed everything for me and gave me crucial time. I just used to put him on pillow in his cot or sofa, with stuff around him so he couldn't fall off the pillow.

4. Try to learn to breastfeed lying down with your baby next to you on the mattress. That way you can feed your baby on your bed at night or in the day and sleep yourself when he falls asleep.

The above transformed that period of my life. It does, does does get better but inthe meantime, concentrate on survival and small successes. Feeding a baby having a bath and eating is an amazing achievement with a massively clingy baby. You're doing brilliantly.

Thanks wehaveallbeenthere. I'm just very old and my wisdom has finally caught up with my years

Yes, I recognise this too though my velcro 18 week old baby is dd2 and so I also have dd1 (19 months) to entertain/fend off and it's incredibly hard to get ANYTHING done. One thing a day is real progress. Being dressed (not necessarily showered) and getting out of hte house would constitute a successful day I think. It does pass (I am hoping this is true - it was with dd1) so just think survival mode for a while.

I started a thread yesterday on more or less the same subject. My 7 week old DS is only happy when at the breast.
I have to eat, clean my teeth, go to the toilet, put DD to bed (!) with him suckling. I have a sling but I can't BF in it. Must invest.
To echo earlier post I have learnt that I must have a shower in the morning when DH can look after DD and DS otherwise I stay minging all day. We do co-sleep as I learnt with DD that it' the best way to get any sleep but part of me thinks that it's a vicious circle.
I also feel a bit sad that I don't have much time for DD (20 months).

Not much to add that hasn't already been said. My dd1 was exactly the same and still like it at nearly 4. Some children demand more attention than others and even if they are playing nicely, they're normally making mess in the room you've just tidied. Reducing your expectations and looking to get one thing done only is the best way to keep your sanity in the long-run. Being at home with kids is not the martha stewart fantasy we all have in minds beforehand..Speaking from experience, it's hard not to let it get on top of you though when you are tired.
Don't be hard on yourself and just try to do little bits as you go.

i know 'they' say your not supposed to, but have you tryed laying him down on his tummy to sleep? Both my sons are/were terrible sleepers. Ds1 sounds exactly like yours, we were constantly battling with him to get him to nap and sleep without me there. With ds2 he is a bit beter, but i discovered that he likes to sleep on his tummy and i swear that would have worked for ds1 as that is how he has slept ever since he could movw into that position himslef. I just check on ds2 more often than i would if he was on his back.

Also sleeping in bed and bf at night makes the world of differnce to sleep deprivation, not everyones cuppa tea but worth a try.

It does get easier though, i remember so clearly, when ds1 was about 5 months, dh coming home from work and i said so proudly, i have had a shower and cleaned the bathroom today!!

ds1 was like this. I can shower in 3 mins and I used to get dressed while singing to him over the side of his cot and throwing his toy elephant back in every time he threw it out...
He loved
-one of those baby bouncer things you hang in a doorway also made him tired so he had a nap
-watching the washing machine
-ripping up paper
-babygym (much cheaper from kiddicare than the shops at the time)
and it got much better by about 6 months...hope it gets easier for you too.

Oh my goodness, that sounds a whole lot like my son. I can never get anything done while he's awake so I have to wait til he falls asleep to be super mom. He won't go to sleep without a bottle (bad habit I know) but i started propping his bottle on a pillow and then i sit and wait for him to finish before running off to do chores. He usually falls to sleep pretty fast. Then i run around like lightning to get things done. I'm normally only half done when he wakes up, so i invested in a Bumbo chair. I burp him when he wakes and sit him in the Bumbo wherever i am working and hes usually content for a while. When he starts whining i stop my work and then do it all over again when its time for another nap.

I have the same problem and my dd is almost 7 months! She will sit in her baby gym and play whilst i'm in the room, but as soon as i walk into the kitchen (which is still in view!), she cries and goes crazy!! Therefore, i have to take her everywhere with me and don't get much done either! Our house is 3 storey and our washing machine downstairs, so if i leave her in the kitchen in her chair etc, i literally have to run down the stairs, shove all washing in, run back! And i havent been to toilet alone since she was born i don't think!!
It's also getting to the stage where she doesnt want to be held by anyone else, even people she was previously happy with... Whilst this was flattering in the beginning, its now hard work!! And i'm going back to work soon!
Any tips?!

My Amazon order arrived yesterday so I've been devouring 'No-Cry Sleep Solution'. We had a good day yesterday, and although it took two hours to get him to sleep, he slept for five hours straight through. It took forever to get him off again and another hour and a half later he woke and pretty much stayed awake, but I think I'll be able to improve the sleep and naps, as we have such crappy routine at the moment. I'll be able to cope with the velcro-kid when we can sleep I think.
Thank you all!

xx

i fully sympathise..my las tone[third ] was and still is like this to an extent getting btter..hes turned one and he didi get better once he could sit up on his own and play` my little on e never slept ..the best would be to take him for a walk and then put him in the garden to sleep .worked wonders