Is having up to a 4 year gap between your children crazy or genius?

[ejbab]

My DD is going to be 3 in October and DH and I are going to start trying for baby no 2 quite soon. This seems to be quite a big gap - think it's most common for people to have number 2 when their first is 2ish?
Has anyone out there had a gap like this between their DC? I'm really worried that I'll not only find it a terrible shock to have a newborn again (alongside a very bossy toddler) but that children with a 4 year gap between them will never play together.
I don't have any understanding of sibling relationships as I'm an only child and so is DH so any advice would be gratefully received. Thanks

I have a 4 year 1 month age gap. Not planned that way just happened to be.

I found it great in terms of DS1 being able to do a lot for himself, especially when pg and brand new baby. Don't know about them playing together yet as DS2 is only 11mths. So far it has been good though.

Oh yes, there was a small age gap between me and my brother and I don't ever remember being an only either. I think that my Mum was grateful in the end that we played well together (which is partly age gap, partly in the lap of the Gods I think), but I know that she was knackered when she had a toddler and newborn. And she was 10 years younger than me doing it!
Tis swings and roundabouts.

i have 5 year gap between my two, and its brilliant,i feel iv spent the propper time with thenm both growing up, my ds now started school so things are very relaxed plus he lovedsd his litte sister and is old enough to help out if he wants with little things, he really is protective of her its very sweet. sometimes i wish i had her earlier but at least he is not jelous of her and they are happy xx

True Malory. One advantage/practicality of a large age gap is it allows the staggering of 2 sets of nursery/uni fees so they do not hit at the same time.

8 year gap here. When my daughter leaves teenagedom behind, my DS will step up to the plate. 14 solid years I have to look forward to!
Actually, the age gap so far has been nothing but a benefit. We'll see what happens in the future though.

My dd is 6 and dc2 due next month.

She is soooo excited and wants to be involved as much as possible (she is already talking to my bump and kisses it goddnight!!).

i agree with previous posts - there are advantages & disadvantages to any gap.

Another benefit to a bigger gap - I realised that I'm going to have two teenaged daughters going through puberty at exactly the time that I'm likely to hit the menopause.
DH has told me that he's going to get a shed with a lock on the inside...

Ten year gap between my dds. Four sounds like peanuts .

They don't play together, but dd1 is awful handy to have around. DD2 adores/worships/idolises her sister.

Having the second one was possibly the biggest shock to my system ever. I had forgotten EVERYTHING.

is a great gap IMO. Older child helpful and interested in baby plus may want a sibling too as their freinds have baby brothers/ sisters.

i have 4 days short of an exact 4 year difference between mine.

I think because there was a gap i was able to give DD the same oh wow its a newborn kind of parenting that i gave DS. the gap was big enough that i had forgotten what i was doing...IYSWIM.

not saying that it is a good or bad thing..just that at least it was fair

there is 4 years between me and my sister and we NEVER argued, she was a little madam but i always let her have her own way as i was "the oldest and should know better"! We get on really well now, but then age gaps get smaller as you get older.

There will be 4.2 years between my DT's and the next one and so far I think its a splendid gap - we have been able to talk about the new baby coming, talk about what they will have to do to help mummy care for the baby and talk about how being a big brother is very very special...they are still not grasping that baby MIGHT be a girl and therefore they will have to SHARE with a GIRL, they are in denial at the moment! I will get back to you on how great the gap really is in February when I am knee deep in nappies again and up 3/4 times a night!

I have 3.4y between my boys, they are now 5.10 and 2.6 and are starting to play together a bit - but not much.
there is 4y between me and my older brother, i don't remember ever playing together.

Any age gap will have it's pros & cons, but - you can't now have a shorter gap, so go with the bigger one and don't worry

I've got 3.8 between my two (not planned, life just works out like that sometimes) and it's great. I've been able to really enjoy both of my children - especially when they were babies. They're now 2 and 5.8 and do play together now. There's nearly 5 years between me and my brother and we were always really close. Your first child has to grow up a little when your second one arrives, and I think that is quite hard when they are only little toddlers still. But you get the jealousy in some form and the fighting whatever age they are!

I have two four year gaps, and it works out brilliantly mostly. Big ones can help with little ones (DD2 varies between being a big one or a little one depending), you get plenty of new baby time with the older one(s) at school, and in our case, it's amazing how much better behaved DD3 is when DD1 is "in charge".
Drawbacks are that they are all in different classes for things like ballet, and it can be quite hard finding days out which everyone is going to get something out of.

I have 4.5yrs, 8yrs and 9yrs between my brood, with 21yrs between oldest and youngest. I think it works pretty well and in any case imo, age has much less to do with family dynamics than personality.

There is a scant 2yr gap between me and my brother and although we played together from time to time we actually spent far longer arguing and fighting and to this day don't really get along. Otoh, I adored my older bro and sis who are 5 and 8yrs older.

Hi there,

My ds was 5.5 when dd was born........

Advantages:

1. Ds at school so get plenty of time with dd on our own (bonding etc etc)
2. Ds older so quite self caring, ie, will happily entertain himself if busy with dd so does make life easier.

Disadvantages:

1. Ds had longer on his own so a bigger adjustment for him.
2. Although dd is still only 11mths, i anticipate they will probably like to do different things in the future. ie, Ds is already tiring of soft play areas, so by the time dd is well into them, ds won't want to go!!

We did want a smaller gap, but multiple miscarriages meant she took a while to get!!

Good luck.

4 years between me and my younger bro. We always played together (I would boss him about). We've always been very close and still are.