The HV is probably on the phone reporting me to social services as we speak.

[Milkysallgone]

Shit. I forgot she was coming. To set the scene....

It is past 10, I am in my nightie and the dcs are still in their PJs looking like grubby little orphans. Dd was having the mother of all tantrums; screaming wildly as though she was being murdered, then the doorbell rings. I had to let the health visitor in to this scene of chaos after having totally forgotten she was coming.

My house is a cesspit. Last nights' chilli is still smeared over the work surfaces, the carpet smells of cheese and I had to fight my way through a sea of dirty nappies which were on their way to the outside bin just to get to the door. We've been on holiday and there are streams of dirty clothes hanging out of the washing machine as well.

God only knows what she must think. I must have looked when I opened the door. Had to run upstairs and fling some jogging bottoms on, while she soaked up the atmosphere. She must have thought I was battering dd the noise she was making.

I am so . Oh - and this is the woman who, when she rang to arrange the visit and said " Your ds is coming up to 2 now isn't he" I replied to her " Oh is he?"!!

She gave me the whole 'I always find if you're having a bad day, it always helps to get outside' speech on the way out. Yes thanks for that.

Right I'm off to work.

Relax baby....it was just for fun.

Love the sabre dance!

I was slightly -hoping worried that you were going to refer us to the swish and swipe song

Ah - empathise Milky - funny how often I don't hear the doorbell!

Am I the only person without a dishwasher?

If I were to get one, would my house suddenly be transformed into that serene world of domestic tranquility that I thought only existed in the Great Little Trading Company catalogue?

We don't have one either!
DC2 is on the way though, and I am seriously considering it.
It wouldn't be emptied by 7am though we don't get up until 7.30...

This thread reminds me of when I was pregnant and the CMW came to do an antenatal check - I had rushed home from work and run round like a mad thing hoovering, stuffing dirty dishes into cupboards and shoving things under sofa cushions etc (and this was pre-child!). She had a cup of tea and gave me lots of reassuring advice, but then rendered me speechless with fear when she said "Now, expect turmoil when the baby arrives - you'll suddenly realise you haven't hoovered for 2 days and you'll be horrified, but just get one of your visitors to do it for you". Haven't hoovered for two days? I sometimes don't hoover for 2 weeks!

Was even more horrified when she got up to leave - as she went off out the front door I realised I'd neglected to hoover the furniture and she had a thick carpet of yellow dog hairs all over her fleece jacket.

Now all health checks etc take place at the health centre - feck knows what they'd make of the scene this morning - me in PJs, DS down for a nap complete with a porridge crust and a black eye, dogs sprawled all over furniture and kitchen like something out of "Food Hygiene Nightmares 8". Plan of action today includes getting myself dressed, swilling some bleach around and then bogging off out in the sunshine (great antibacterial properties, you know)

lol at yellow dog hairs!

We have 2 golden retrievers and HV once sat down on floor - we have floorboards, and the back of her black trousers were virtual fleece!

I don't have a dishwasher

but when I did, it was set off at night after dinner, emptied in morning, breakfast stuff shoved in, kitchen cleaned

my HV called in unannounced once and we were all doing craft in the playroom [smug]

AND they had chopped up apple in snack bowls [even smugger]

Olive - no-one likes a smart arse you know...

Ds is currently shovelling cereal into his mouth while sat on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle. I am attempting to sort out passport applications. We are both still in pyjamas, having only got up at quarter past 9.

Sue me...(we don't have a dishwasher either)

at health visitor coming UNannounced!

and at what she found.

Have just entered the Hotpoint competition but haven't actually got room in the kitchen for a dishwasher. Could get rid of the oven - then no cooking, no mess, no need for a dishwasher..mmmm?

The health visitors house is probably due a deep cleansing too!

HV said she was 'passing' and had some books for dd2, one of those free book box things

was probably trying to catch me out but was thwarted due to my superior parenting skills

Suddenly see the advantage of having a seriously overstretched health visitor. Zero chance of an unscheduled visit I think.

Maybe yours really just called-in to use the loo.

Olive - I bet she was cursing you all the way back to her office. "That darn Olive, she thinks she's so clever, I would've caught her out today if it wasn't for those pesky kids!"

What MMJ said.

I swear, if some of the posters from this thread saw my house, you would die.

I should add that a social worker sees my house every 6 weeks and DS hasn't been taken away yet...

yes he was but waiting for final court hearing so currently has "privately fostered" label which is very annoying as thats a high risk group and therefore needs visits every 6 weeks.

I think its a nice break for the SW, I suspect we are slightly differnt to her usual clients!

Don't have a dishwasher either, but if I did I would attach bunting to it.

Lol at this thread, especially attaching bunting to the dishwasher
SuburbanDryad - you do know there's a passport office strike today, don't you? Is that why you're doing it a hurry?

Would attach it the tumble drier too, if I had one (which I almot certainly never will).