The HV is probably on the phone reporting me to social services as we speak.

[Milkysallgone]

Shit. I forgot she was coming. To set the scene....

It is past 10, I am in my nightie and the dcs are still in their PJs looking like grubby little orphans. Dd was having the mother of all tantrums; screaming wildly as though she was being murdered, then the doorbell rings. I had to let the health visitor in to this scene of chaos after having totally forgotten she was coming.

My house is a cesspit. Last nights' chilli is still smeared over the work surfaces, the carpet smells of cheese and I had to fight my way through a sea of dirty nappies which were on their way to the outside bin just to get to the door. We've been on holiday and there are streams of dirty clothes hanging out of the washing machine as well.

God only knows what she must think. I must have looked when I opened the door. Had to run upstairs and fling some jogging bottoms on, while she soaked up the atmosphere. She must have thought I was battering dd the noise she was making.

I am so . Oh - and this is the woman who, when she rang to arrange the visit and said " Your ds is coming up to 2 now isn't he" I replied to her " Oh is he?"!!

She gave me the whole 'I always find if you're having a bad day, it always helps to get outside' speech on the way out. Yes thanks for that.

my house is bloody tidy and i have 6 kids

dishwasher on day and night
ditto washer

mp ta for deck vacuuming tips

if your house is too clean and tidt they think you have ocd!

The vicar called unannounced when dd was about 8 days old, as he noticed the windows were open so he knew we were in... unfortunately the windows were open because the smell of an explosive nappy was redolent in the air - ds was sitting on the potty in front of Cbeebies, I was expressing milk and the house had that recently just-burgled look.

Could hear him mentally composing his sermon as he sat there!

Just don't wear a wedding dress that looks like a swimsuit sewn onto a skirt

lol @ washing up when there are no plates left! i should adopt a similar tatic! i often feel like all i do is wash up!

HV tripped over recycling box and commented about overflowing bottles of wine and beer,'did you have a party?'

I can imagine the social workers response on the phone...

"She's got a messy house... what else? Is that it? Harrassed parent of newborn and older kids has messy house? Since when was that unusual? Are they getting enough to eat? Were they dressed? Yes? Then what the hell are you calling me for?"

"Tosser"

SheSellsSeashells has a sensible HV.

My HV invited me to visit her at the office normally, and I was quite happy to do that as it meant I only had to get us both dressed and not to worry about state of house. HV's office is only 5 minutes walk from home and it gave me a push to get myself together without having to achieve miracles.

Quattro - I know it sounds awful but my house isn't usually that bad. Lazy not to clear up from last nights dinner I know, but there you go.

We've just been on holiday and the washing is due to that.

My carpet stinks of cheese because despite my best cleaning up efforts, the smell of the dcs constantly spilt milk will not go away completely.

Dirty Nappies still waiting to go outside from the morning's haul, as I was slobbing around in my nightie did not want to dash to the outside bin until dressed (which I was in the process of doing).

Can't afford a cleaner.

LOL! Sounds like a typical bad day in my house, don't worry about it!

Why is it that when everything is calm, neat and tidy and I have made an effort with myself that is the day that no one visits? sods law!

Do you think the HV's house is pristine?

PMSL at hoovering the lawn

milky please don't feel worse. we all do it sometimes.

im a bit suprised at some of the posters on this thread that are trying to make you feel worse, i'm always a bit bout people that do that, its probably because they are trying to make themseleves feel better about something.

so lay off milky to gits!!

you gits !

Ah thanks lovely

Message withdrawn

lol at cat at school. I be the children love having him around.

Are the DSes curled up in the airing cupboard?

well i do clean i quite enjoy a bit of cleaning with my mp3 player on, but my house is never tidy i have two children, my house wont be tidy again untill they leave home!!

dhs takeaway is always left on the floor overnight as are lager cans/beer bottles because i go to bed earlier than him and it just doesnt occur to him to put them away. they stay there untill i have had my coffee.

i dont always get dressed either. i always dress the dcs but i dont always get dressed untill i need to leave the house. there are quite often dirty nappies that get left because dd1 decides she wants a drink/the tv turned on/to chase the dog!

fly lady? bah to flylady i either just dont get it or its a load of balls. if i spent just five mins a day cleaning my house would look like a barn! every one has bad days and if you all are going to tell me that you have never had a day where you have thought f the cleaning am staying in my pjs all day and watching kids tv then i think you are all abnormal or lying

Get up at 5.20, g for run, shower at 6.00, dishwasher empty, breakfast laid for 4, mindees arrive from 7.00, breakfast,load dishwasher and school run by 8.45, SAHmindees morning activities, lunch at 12.00, empty and reload dishasher, clean up kitchen, SAHmindees put to bed, quick tidy round, Mindees up changed, fed and watered, school run, snack, dishwasher reloaded, Mindees start to leave 4-5.30. Hoover and tidy toys away.

SIT, MN

Dh takes over, cooks, cleans kitchen, loads dishwasher, prepares lunch for nest day

I'm with mmj

Don't worry Milky I dropped ds2 on his head in front of a SW once (was really stupid- moved a chair he was sat in as a toddler, I caught him by his ankles). Bless her, she didn't flinch.

My house is often a mess. I had tidied because I knew she was coming (they have caught me out before though- when I usher them into the one tidy room), but it would still be a mess by the mumnset perfect brigade's standards. The report said that my house was 'child-centric' with 'a wide variety of toys', or something like that. (Was an assessment for help with my disabled son, but they use the same forms as if they're doing a risk assessment).

As someone else says if you're too tidy they assume you're anxious and have too high expectations for your children etc etc.

Some music to get you slobs going

I don't see the health visitor at the house anymore but at the health centre much safer for her and me.

pmsl at some of these responses. It isn't actually illegal to be messy occasionally (or even all the time) as long as no-one is really getting botulism.

Unless you live in Cobham where I understand local byelaws do say you have to have unloaded your dishwasher by 7am.