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Parenting

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Original poster

Will you treat all your children the same financially in future years?

30 replies

posieflump · 20/07/2008 09:16

So say when you are 70 you get a windfall of 20K - you have 2 children, would you give both 10k? One of them is unemployed, lives at home , has no savings etc. the other is married to a doctor , has loads of money , own home etc. Would you still be fair or give all the money to the one who nees it the most?

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aGalChangedHerName · 20/07/2008 09:17

On the recieving end of this atm so yes i would treat all my dc the same.

Original poster

posieflump · 20/07/2008 09:23

actually it was your thread that was making me think!
my parents helped my sister and her husna dout loads more than me because I married someone who earnt more and was seen as 'stable' in his job, whereas her and her dh's combined income is quite a bit lower.
I was thinking of my 2 in years to come - if dd married someone very wealthy and ds didn't (or vice versa) I think it would be natural to help the one struggling more wouldn't it?

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sarah293 · 20/07/2008 09:29

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aGalChangedHerName · 20/07/2008 09:29

Well i can see why my mum helps my brother more. She thinks my dh earns loads and we are secure,but we have 4 dc and my earnings as a CM are in no way huge or secure.

My db has left 2 different partners in the lurch with dc,does not help financially,is a pretty rubbish dad all round.

Has run back to mummy again and getting everything paid again. Being spoiled with money has ruined him i believe. He has no sense of responsibility and no morals.

Left his last partner before xmas,was still sleeping with her until 3 weeks ago,has a new gf whom my mum has staying at her house,and introduced her to his unhappy dc.

My mum aslo doesn't know that he was asked to leave his job last time vecause he is on drugs and the money she is giving him now is going on that!!

Sorry that was a rant,but money can help out,but spoiling someone never helps.

FabioUnblogged · 20/07/2008 09:32

Treat them the same. I am the financially unfavoured child, it's pissed me right off. The doctor's spouse may not have as much money as it appears, and it never hurts to have savings.

(Sean Connery is leaving his son fk all of his £50 million fortune.

The tight tartan bastard.)

As you were.

Martha200 · 20/07/2008 09:40

Treat them the same also. I am also unfavoured child financially though it no longer bugs me!

with our dcs, 1 is 5, we are going to make sure when ds2 turns 5 he has the same amount of savings in the bank of his brother as now, so we can tell them that.. what happens after that, how much other people give or what they choose to save as they get older is variable but if we run 20k I'd like to think we would split it fairly.

Martha200 · 20/07/2008 09:41

maybe they would get it when I pegged it though, at 70 I could easily need the money for other things!!

aGalChangedHerName · 20/07/2008 09:43

It's the dc thing that annoys me more than anything tbh.

Secretly buying stuff for my neice,who by the way is lovely and getting her to keep it a secret is wrong whichever way you look at it imo.

I worry that my neice will end up like my db.

I am the opposite with my dc and i worry about that too. Ds1 who is 17 in September had to get a job last October to pay for his treats as i couldn't afford to bankroll him any longer. He is very responsible. Still at school doing highers/advanced highers and working part time when at school and full time in the hols. Has bought himself a lap top and a 42" tv etc. I want him to never ever be anything like my db but i don't want him to feel i don't care etc.

Carmenere · 20/07/2008 09:43

Same in the will, might be more helpful to one or other as they grow and need help.

AuntyJ · 20/07/2008 10:40

Id leave them exactly the same. It would just create bitterness to the one who recieved less or nothing.

LackaDAISYcal · 20/07/2008 10:53

I might help them out financially as there need dictated when I was still alive, but whatever estate I had would be split equally.

but, I'm secretly hoping that they will all be tres successful and loaded and will be keeing me in the manner I'd like to be accustomed to when I'm older

Poppychick · 20/07/2008 11:37

Unless one was a lottery winner or something then yes totally equally.

notasheep · 20/07/2008 11:41

Treat them the same

MrsWeasley · 20/07/2008 11:43

Mine would all get the same.

My mother has already told me that my younger brother should/would get most of her money because he is her favourite, not sure if I should be or . I am and always have been disappointed in her! I find it especially harsh as I used my redundancy money to buy my parents house for them. My dad assures me it will all be alright but I have no faith.

nkf · 20/07/2008 11:45

In principle yes but what if they wanted to do very different things. For example, if you are thinking of paying university fees and one wants to be a doctor and the other does Maths. One degree is twice as long. Would you give the Maths student some cash to even it out?

aGalChangedHerName · 20/07/2008 11:46

MreWeasly for you. How awful especially after you buying the house for them.

Parents are crap at times eh?

nkf · 20/07/2008 11:47

Oh, I see. You are talking about dividing up a windfall. Yes, I'd divide it equally. In principle. Would you give money to a child who was going through a wild phase? Or a drug phase? You might think that cash was the last thing they needed.

snickersnack · 20/07/2008 11:56

Hmm. Not sure I would - would depend on the children. I don't believe in treating everyone the same just for the sake of it, whether it's financially or in any other way. Agree with LackaDAISYcal that I'd split the estate equally, though.

My parents have always treated us the same, but there's never been a big difference in need between the siblings. On the other hand, they sent my brother to an independent school and not me - there was a good state option for girls but not for boys. Never occurred to me to think that was an issue.

DH's brother and sister have received significant financial help from his parents, and he hasn't. But that's because they've needed help at various points when relationships have gone wrong or they've lost their jobs, and he really hasn't. And he's in no way bitter about it. But they did ask him in advance if it would be an issue, and said if it would be then they'd do it differently.

Uriel · 20/07/2008 11:57

Yes I will.

MrsWeasley · 20/07/2008 12:00

I have to say that I feel nothing, am numb from years of her silly games and mind bending.

MY mother told me older brother and I that our younger bro was and always would be her favourite. We were between 8-11 when she first started telling us this. Their is about a year between each of us.

As we got older my little Bro actually told us he would use it to his advantage and boy does he. For example: Free childcare for his 2 DC's, regular sleepovers for DC's so that he and his DP can stay out all night. She lends them money, pays for holidays for them all and also takes DCs on holiday with them to give parents a break if DC need anything they are told to ask nanny so she buys toys, clothes, school stuff, the list is endless.

Older Bro has nothing to do with them and has even changed his name to avoid being assoicated with them!

Families eh! arent they great

juneybean · 20/07/2008 12:00

I would split it evenly.

As my mum had some..thing for us I don't know what it was, and it matured when I turned 21, so she split it three ways for me, my brother and her and my dad.

My brother owed her alot of money so his third was kept by her (with his permission)

But in effect it was shared evenly

juneybean · 20/07/2008 12:00

I would split it evenly.

As my mum had some..thing for us I don't know what it was, and it matured when I turned 21, so she split it three ways for me, my brother and her and my dad.

My brother owed her alot of money so his third was kept by her (with his permission)

But in effect it was shared evenly

georgimama · 20/07/2008 12:04

Treat them all equally, anything else risks "rewarding" fecklessness or faiing to recognise the efforts of a more fortunate child. In any case good fortune may not last for the better off child.

My brother has married someone whose parents are comparatively wealthy and she is only child. They will get a lot of money from her parents when they die, and do get a lot of help now. I wouldn't expect my mum to give me more than him to commpensate.

olyoly · 20/07/2008 18:47

This is a bit of a sore spot for me. My sister is a bit of a waster, and now she is marrying a waster and they have said that they are just waiting until my parents die so they will collect 'a lot of money.' My parents' solution? To offer to buy my sister a new car and house if she will leave this terrible man! This has been a pattern since we were young.

I am in a v comfortable position financially, but it breaks my heart that my parents are seen as a bank and that they perpetuate this view. I would always be fair with money, as anything else creates animosity between the children.

I might like to take my entire family on a trip if the money was mine. Something fabulous so that we would all create memories (or am I dreaming and really we would all fight?)

Elkat · 20/07/2008 20:30

Going against the grain here, but no I would not. My parents have never treated us 'equally', and I would never expect them to. Its their money, to do with as they please. And I will be the same with my children.

Yet, I know if I ever need anything, I could ask my parents for help and they would do their best to help... but otherwise, I have been brought up to make my own way in the world. When my bro got his first car, my folks gave him a grand - it never occurred to me to expect to be given a grand as well, but when I needed help, they were there for me too. The same goes in terms of Christmas presents, some years my bro got a big present, and my parents spent less on me, other years it was the other way round.(For example, last year my bro got an ipod and I didn't have a 'big' present - I've already got an Ipod!), but that doesn't bother me because I have been brought up to believe that we are given according to our need and my parents have made no bones about it not being equal. They have always said that it does even out in the long run and I believe that to be generally true. Therefore, I have never expected it to always be equal and quite frankly, I would think it weird if my parents suddenly gave me a few grand because my bro needed financial help. To me, trying to be equal make more of an issue out of it, so no I wouldn't do that.

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