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Parenting

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Original poster

how do you KNOW if you want anymore children or not? im not sure

50 replies

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:22

i had 1 dd, 12months,
not sure if i/w want anymore children.

do you think the fact im not sure that i want anymore, probably means i don't?

before having dd, i knew with 100 percent certainty that i definatley wanted a baby, but i dont feel that way about having more

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TheFallenMadonna · 16/07/2008 14:25

Well, I know for certain that I don't. So perhaps you're not quite there yet.

itati · 16/07/2008 14:26

It is like if you are in lkove or not. If you don't know, then you aren't.
If you don't know if you want more children, maybe you don't.

posieflump · 16/07/2008 14:26

12 months is quite early to say
how old are you? can you afford to wait a bit longer to see how you feel?

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Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:28

itati that exactly what i was thinking, maybe because im not sure, means i dont want anymore

im 30.

OP posts:

Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:29

thefallenmadonna, then i think that too, maybe if im not sure now, that means i havent made my mind up

OP posts:

gingerninja · 16/07/2008 14:29

I've had very mixed emotions about having a second. Sometimes I wanted to sometimes not. Mostly based on the fact that I love my little family unit and didn't want to upset that, didn't think I could love another etc etc. I think the decision to go from one to two is much harder than 0 to one in my book.

piratecat · 16/07/2008 14:30

not sure means, you may want them in the future. I think !

Nagapie · 16/07/2008 14:30

It is weird one as DH and I just knew that we wanted 2 children ....

I think your uncertainty just means that you aren't ready to do have another baby rather than a sign that you don't want any more babies ...

Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:31

ginger, how many do you have now?
yesi have the same fears

pirate, maybe when dd is older i might want another

OP posts:

piratecat · 16/07/2008 14:33

yes, maybe when you see your fist dc as being more of an 'older' bro or sis!!

My dd keeps on at me, she is 6, but i have no partner, which would help!!

Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:34

yes it is weird as all my friends all the ones that have children have one atm, say oh yes we definatly want another one at least, then when i say im not sure they look horrified!
then i think well perhaops if im not sure i dont really want another one.

and it just makes me wonder, how people that know , know!

thats when i thought it woudl be like when your in love you just know!

OP posts:

itati · 16/07/2008 14:35

If I said you only had this week to try for a baby, would you?

Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:35

pirate, you might be right.
so your dd would like a brother or sister then?

OP posts:

missblythe · 16/07/2008 14:36

I'm still not sure.

Most of my 'mummy friends' have jsut had their 2nd babies, and I thought that seeing them with theirs would help me decide, but as one has got an angel baby who makes me v. broody, and another has got The Incredible No-Sleep Baby, I'm no closer to a decision.

Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:37

itati, i honestly do not know.

although i think if i had of had the choice taken away from me, i would want perhaps want one.

oh dear im right pita!

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flowerybeanbag · 16/07/2008 14:39

I think if you don't know at 12mo then it's too early to say that means no altogether.

I was unsure for quite a while, particularly given horrendous birth I had, but DS is 14mo now and I am now fairly sure we will try and have another one. I don't want him to be an only one, I want him to have someone to share his childhood memories with.

Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:39

oh its a relief to talk to people that think the same on here.

i was begining to feel quite odd.

i think when dd goes to school i will miss her so much.
so maybe i will want one then.

OP posts:

itati · 16/07/2008 14:39

It all depends how you old you are really as to whether you can just sit tight for a bit and wait and see how you feel in a few years. How ould you feel if you left it too late and then couldn't have another baby?

Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:41

i wish i had the conviction of the people that know at least what thy want, at least if you do know what you want your half way there.

its a nice feeling when you know what you do want.

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mumfor1standmaybe2ndtime · 16/07/2008 14:43

After having ds I thought I didn't want anymore children, so did dh.
I sold all my baby items. I resigned to the fact that this was it!
I am now alomst 12 weeks pg with number 2, ds is 3.5
I am 31 and I always thought that 35 would be my deadline for having another one, I kept saying well if I don't do it by then then it will just be ds!
No idea why I picked that age, it just seemed the answer.

You have to remember your dd is only 12 months and as they say the first year is the hardest, especially your first baby (not sure who said this tho lol!)
If you only want one child then that is entirely your choice, and your choice only.

piratecat · 16/07/2008 14:43

yes she does!! has in fact expressed interest in having an 'older' sibling!!

Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:44

do you think i have enough time, im 30.

itati, your good with your questions ill give you that!!
the thing is i honestly cannot say as i just dont know.

part of me would feel sad that that choice was taken away and that i wouldnt have another baby.

part of me would be happy that its just our happy little unit.

OP posts:

Original poster

lovelysongbird · 16/07/2008 14:48

mum, i have thought about selling stuff, and i have sold some bulky stuff, that we wouldnt have the space to keep anyway.

how did you decide to go for another?

its just other people that are so confident about what they want, give me the wobbles as i think im just not 100percent sure.

but when it came to having dd, i wanted a baby more than ANYTHING in the world.

pirate, that could be tricky, would you like another, if you meet the right partner again? how old are you btw, if thats not too rude.

OP posts:

gingerninja · 16/07/2008 14:57

lovelysongbird I have 1 DD 22 months and one BFP this morning and emotions are very high at the moment. Like I said, my main concern when thinking about DC2 was the upset it would cause to our little family. I just didn't want to spoil what we had. But, the decision has been taken out of my hands now anyway!

gingerninja · 16/07/2008 15:01

LSB, I'd say wait. If you're not sure it's not a definate no. I didn't start thinking about a second until my DD was about 18 months. Just enjoy indulging your DD for a little longer. You don't need to pressure yourself. I'm 35 this year so maybe there is a little more pressure on me but frankly most of my friends having kids are late 30's early 40's.

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