how do you KNOW if you want anymore children or not? im not sure

[lovelysongbird]

i had 1 dd, 12months,
not sure if i/w want anymore children.

do you think the fact im not sure that i want anymore, probably means i don't?

before having dd, i knew with 100 percent certainty that i definatley wanted a baby, but i dont feel that way about having more

[kiddiz]

I knew for certain I didn't want any more when mine became teenagers!!! There's a good contraceptive if ever there was one

[mumfor1standmaybe2ndtime]

I know what you mean about wanting a baby more than anything the first time, this is how I felt too.
I guess having a second was something that dh kept mentioning and we would saying things to each other in a jokey way about having another one.
It was like we wanted to go for it, but were nervous to admit it to each other.
The crunch came for me when I went to the hospital to have an ultrasound on my ovaries as I had been having some lower adobinal pains. All was fine, but it made us think.

I came off my pill and 4 months later I was pg. I have my first scan tomorrow and it still seems weird to think it won't just be me, dh and ds.

[lovelysongbird]

hi, sorry i had to deal with dds nappy accident!!
thats also a good contraceptive,

ginger, congratulations, yes i can imagine your emotions are quite high today.
yes i think your right, dont know why im pressuring myself to decide what i want.

kiddiz good point,

mum, thanks for sharing this with me, i don't feel so odd for not being 100percent certain anymore

sounds like both you and ginger where in my position and now both have one on the way

[Elffriend]

Is there any reason why you are pressurising yourself so much to be certain?

Your DD is still very young - and so are you . You have loooaaaaddds of time to decide.

Give yourself time to enjoy DD - if you get the urge to go again at some point then, great. If not, also great. Relax!

[TinySocks]

If in doubt then don't do it. I think you should be 100% of wanting a child before having one.

[Elffriend]

Oh and FWIW, I am 100% sure I don't want another. I do not have a single broody cell in my body and I would rather chew my own leg off than go through all that again!

That said, neither I not DH are planning any drastic 'Measures', so if I ever did change my mind then we would go with the flow.

Making a decsion now does not commit you forever - take life as it comes.

[NorthernLurker]

After I had dd2 I thought that was probably it for quite a long time - then when she got to 3 or so I knew I wasn't done. Now we have dd3 as well and I have known since she was born that was absolutely it for me! I still have broody moments but that's just hormones I am quite certain I don't want another child and I know I didn't feel like this after dd1 and dd2.

Reading that back i think it gives the wrong impression of dd3 as if she has put me off! She is in fact a wonderful, wonderful angel baby who has added so much to our lives - but I think it's because she's so great that I feel complete to be honest. As a mother I now need to raise my children and let them fly, I'm through carrying them! (Apart from when they are tired )

[Morloth]

I am another one who was absolutely certain that she didn't want more than one, gave all the baby stuff away etc.

DS is now 4 and both DH and I have completely changed our minds. Will start TTC in September. I am 31. 35 is kind of my cutoff as well.

We are pretty chilled about another, if it happens it happens, if not that is OK as well.

[Elffriend]

funnily enough, 35 was my cutoff for forcing myself to consider whether I should have one at all at some point - and therefore whether I should get started!

That said, I still missed the deadline and ignored it all for a while longer.

S'alright, you don't implode when you hit 35. Honest!

[lovelysongbird]

yes i think your all right, thank you

i really dont know why i feel i need to decide this now, im just going to relax, and see how i feel in a few years.

i think what it is, i like having my life mapped out in my mind, and i suppose i just dont know what my plans are, let alone if things will go to plan!

elf, i dont take it as patronsing at all, i think its a really good point.
and agree with you.

feel better now after this chat

[Elffriend]

Life plans are great - but I think the trick is to widen your time windows. Otherwise they are less a plan and more a panic attack with which to beat yourself up!

Example, what do you want from your life in your 30's and then your 40's?

I took the view that I wanted my 40's to be more life balanced and not be all about my career. Working backwards that meant I needed to decide on whether or not to have a family sometime in my 30's and, if not, what else I was going to do to shift the balance.

I had DS when I was 38.

No balance - just a lot of hard work juggling! Hey ho - time for the next step of the plan!

[VictorianSqualor]

When I had DD(7) I wanted no more children, ever.
Then I had DS1(4) and wanted no more children, ever.
Then I had DS2(13weeks) and I want another.

That isn't going to help at all is it?

[whispywhisp]

I knew I didn't want any more children after I had my second daughter because I got rid of everything as and when she'd finished with everything...cot, buggy, changing mat etc etc...all the baby clothes went too. I knew then I'd done my bit for the population of this country!

[whispywhisp]

Oh and also the fact that I had a horrific time delivering the 8lb 6oz bundle of baby and was advised by my GP not to have anymore!

[lovelysongbird]

actually vs it is helping

ww, sorry to hear you had such a bad time, hope your all better now.

elf dont start talking to me about life plans ill have a panic attack, !!

i think it was the last 5 yars ive benn so focused on getting to this point,[moving house, getting married getting pg having the baby getting though the 1st year etc, im not sure what im going to do next
its like i have no aim as i have what i want, so i should just relax and enjoy i guess

when i read my own posts i think, what a pratt!!

[itati]

DH and I wanted a large family.
Had DS1 by emergency section and I said never again. Dh said he always knew I would change my mind. Tried for DC2. Heavily pregnant, people telling me to slow down, me getting in a strop that DS1 was my priority not this other flipping baby who wasn't even born yet, I wasn't sure I now wanted as they might upset my little family. DD born. Totally in love, followed 22 months later by her brother. I still want more in my heart but know in my head this is it for us. 35 was also my cut off point and I would have done it too if I could have had a 4th baby. Not sure why we pick 35 as I had problems with all my pregnanices/or deliveries/or scans.

[lovelysongbird]

itati, aww thats nice, when you said never again do you think you ment it at the time?

i must say your v good at questioning! wouldnt like to be one of your dccs when trying to get out of doing something naughty

[itati]

I def meant it at the time and was surprised at myself as I wanted loads of kids. It was a scary exoerience though. I felt very calm when announcing no more and hubby had to work on me to try again.

[chunkypudding]

can everyone stop saying '35 was my cut off point' pleeeease???

am 34 on sunday, ds is 6mo today. have always been convinced that i would want more than 1 and still feel i'd like ds to have a sibling BUT sorry the memories of being pregnant (nope didn't like it) having em cs with ds's heartbeat dropping and then the early weeks of absolute hell .... ouch. can i really do that again? am far too sleep deprived to think straight anyway!

i would like ds to have a brother or sister. just not sure i want to be the one who has to make it happen!!!

and all this '35' stuff makes me feel like i have to decide NOW!!!

which i won't as i was only posting last night about what a crap mum i am so now is prob not the time for such decisions...

[notasheep]

WHAT? I didnt have dd until i was 36 then ds at 41

[frankiesbestfriend]

I have one dd and am also unsure as to whether I want any more(dd is 7).

Part of me would love to have a baby again, but I think this may be a desire to 'rewind' with dd, rather than have a second.

I am 29, so have plenty of time to change my mind.

Your dc is only 12 months, your feelings may change, they may not.

I think you will know when you definitely do or don't want another.
Just go with the flow would be my advice.

[Morloth]

Its OK Chunky you can have a different cut off, I just personally have other things I want to do.

[lovelysongbird]

frankie, i know just want you mean about desire to rewind.
that sa really good point

[itati]

The rewind thing resonates so much with me. I was ill for all of the first year of my son's life so when I had a another son I felt like it was my second chance.

[Tinkjon]

Well I had a second and change my mind very rapidly after I'd had him - bit late by then though

And 30 is waaaaay young, not a problem at all! I just had DS at 38 [reaches for zimmer frame] so you'll be fine