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Original poster

I really don't like Dd1 at times, does this make me a terrible mother?

32 replies

SparklyGothKat · 10/07/2008 13:11

I adore all my kids, but Dd1 is very trying. She has CP and ADHD, and everything is a battle with her. Just getting her to get dressed and fed in the morning is a struggle. She screams and shouts at everyone, she has no volume control. She beats up Ds1 and Dd2, and losts control of herself so often. Sometimes I wish I never had her The others miss out on treats because of her behaviour. I don't like feeling like this about one of my children.

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theressomethingaboutmarie · 10/07/2008 13:28

No it doesn't SGK. You are only human and clearly dealing with alot. Do you have any help with her?

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 10/07/2008 13:33

We have a carer twice a month on a saturday. Ds1 has CP too (to a greater degree than Dd1) and he is easy to deal with conpared to Dd1. She has learning problems too. I just want to sit and sob sometimes.

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Tortington · 10/07/2008 13:35

i dont like my kids all the time

love em though

at the mo i don't like ds2

he gets on my last nerve - and i want to kick his scawny little arse right up through his gobshite mouth.

so sue me if you think i'm a bad mother - cos i don't give a shit.

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PinkTulips · 10/07/2008 13:41

Sparkly, i don't even have the Sn to deal with and there are days i'd happily exchange dd for a chocolate bar and feel i got the better end of the deal.

today for example

Acinonyx · 10/07/2008 13:48

I'm sure I would feel the same. We can all handle a bit of difficult behaviour some of the time. But when it's relentless, I think it is terribly wearing - and sometimes must just feel unbearable. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job.

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 10/07/2008 13:56

She is very hard work, she was born at 31 weeks and as a result has CP and ADHD, learning disabilities, no stranger or road awareness. She is a lovely girl when she behaves (which isn't often)

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samsonthecat · 10/07/2008 14:15

I sometimes feel the same about DD1 and have no SN to deal with. I have sometimes thought it would be better it I never had her but in all honesty I could't live with out her cause I really do love her. You are not a bad person, just normal!

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 10/07/2008 14:26

Thanks, I just feel so bad when I think that it would have been better if I never had her. It doesn't help that I was pregnant but miscarriaged and she was concieved the same month I was due to have the lost baby. I sometimes think that if i hadn't miscarriaged then I wouldn't have had her.
She is very so trying, and all the normal tricks, like taking away treats, the step, being sent to her room, just don't work with her. I have done parenting courses to try and get ideas on how to deal with her, but nothing changes.

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cat64 · 10/07/2008 14:30

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oneplusone · 10/07/2008 15:41

you are not a bad mum, i feel the same sometimes and i don't have the additional difficulties you have to cope with. Don't beat yourself up, read a book i got recently called Torn in Two by Rozsika Parker about maternal ambivalence, you will feel a whole lot better.

Egg · 10/07/2008 16:15

Sparkly, I am constantly at the mo wishing away one or other of mine. It is usually one of the DTs as I keep thinking to myself "I only wanted one baby, I didn't want twins" and then feel horribly guilty as I would be devastated if anything happened to any of them, but when someone is screaming and screaming (or more to the point when they are all at it together) I keep thinking how life would be so much easier with two children instead of three. DS1 is at a very trying age and I am struggling a bit to cope with all three together. None have SN (that we are aware of, DTs only 6 months) but I imagine that really must make things harder.

You always come across as a smashing and caring mum on your posts.

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 10/07/2008 16:21

Oh joys I have picked up the kids and had dd2 screaming at me, because the 'healthly lollies' the year 5 made, sold out and she didn;t get one, then she screamed at me because I lost her school work, even though she shoved it under the buggy and then ran off..
Dd1 is shouting and screaming at full volume and I have a headache...

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sheepgomeep · 10/07/2008 16:34

Ds has ADHD and there are at times where I dislike him and he gets on my nerves.

I do love him but he causes a lot of friction and tension in the house and I know I have to 'learn' to deal with it better but its so bloody hard.

I think you are only human and dealing with some very tough things.

greenelizabeth · 10/07/2008 16:36

I struggle with my two some days, and neither is as challenging as your dd1. You don't sound a bad mother. You sound like you are overstretched and overstressed.

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 10/07/2008 16:38

exactly sheep, she causes so much tension in the house. And Dd2 bounces off Dd1 and thinks its a normal way to behave.. I sometimes want to take Ds2 (as he is a baby and easy) and just run away and hide for a few days..

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sheepgomeep · 10/07/2008 16:46

snap with your dd2 thinking its normal behaviour. We have this with dd1 and we have to explain to her that no its not normal behaviour and she is like well if he does it why can't I?

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 10/07/2008 16:50

Dd2 knows that Dd1 has ADHD and takes her 'angry tablets' to calm her down. But she thinks that screaming at everyone is normal, that pushing and fighting is normal. We have had fingers slammed in doors, bumps and bruises, where they fight.. I will be glad when the stairgates go back on, as I can stop imagining one of them coming tumbling down the stairs...

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sheepgomeep · 10/07/2008 16:57

sounds very familiar ds also takes medication, just waiting to see an improvement.

ds almost pulled dd1 arm out of her socket in one of his rages over something so silly last week

Stargazer · 10/07/2008 17:02

No - just a normal mother. I know how you feel my DS has ADHD and can be a nightmare, but I breathe and get a glass of wine . My DS is now 12 and much improved - when he was small, I thought he'd be lucky to get to 10 - never mind 12 . I do hope things improve for you.

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 10/07/2008 17:03

I just find it soo hard at times

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Stargazer · 10/07/2008 17:10

{{{{Sparkly}}}} - think you need them.

sheepgomeep · 10/07/2008 19:45

we've just had world war 3 over taking the bloody dog for a walk

ds has meltdown because he isn't allowed to hold the lead {he let her onto the road last time]
cue hysterical tantrum, screaming and kicking doors, swearing.

So I banned him from going, dp just took dd1 and I stayed with him

He's calmed down now and is eating shortbread

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 10/07/2008 22:00

sheep! We had a tantrum earlier for asking her to get ready for bed. she is 8 now, i have to physically pick her up from wherever she has decided to throw herself and lift her to her feet and ask her again, over and over

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Pinkchampagne · 10/07/2008 22:14

I feel awful admitting it, but I have similar thoughts about DS1 sometimes. He is a very trying child (has SN but not got a definite dx yet) and it feels like everything is a struggle. Just recently I feel I am spending most of my time moaning at him for one thing or another. I love him loads, but there are definite times when I feel I don't actually like him, and I recently found myself having the "life would be easier if I just had DS2 to deal with" thought. I felt guilty for thinking it, and feel guilty admitting it, but we are only human.
Sounds like you have a lot to deal with, SGK, so don't be too hard on yourself.

Pinkchampagne · 10/07/2008 22:18

I only have the "not sure I am liking you" thoughts when he is being very difficult, as I am sure you do. When they are behaving well, these thoughts aren't there at all. I think a lot of mothers have moments of feeling like this.

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