AAAAAAGH! Brother and sister-in-law have first baby... doing it Gina-style!!!

[justnally]

Met new teeny tiny bundle yesterday. Very cute. Then they announced that they are following Gina Ford's book. I know I should respect their decision on how to look after their baby, but I felt like screaming "NO!" !!!

Oh yea! I'd forgotten that gem. Expressing when you are at home with the baby! genius.

The new edition does not advocate leaving them to cry, but ime it would have been impossible to follow the routine without leaving my ds to cry.

My advice for the DB and SIL would be to see how their baby is without a routine, first of all. Many babies find their own routine without having one imposed on them. It's a kind of 'if it aint broke then don't try to fix it' piece of advice. If I was tearing my hair out with 0 hrs sleep, I would try anything, including GF, but I think it's (nearly) the last resort. Also I don't believe BF babies get enough milk on an imposed routine.

[ducks]

I used to find it very hard to wach my close friend mistreating looking after her babies using GF's methods.

I dont follow GF now with DS2 ans I didnt with DS1 either. The reason is that I dont agree with her methods.
I'd never dream of telling a friend or relative that they are wrong for using them though

Everybody parents in a different way. Surely its up to the individual which books to read and which styles to adapt.
Fair enough if they ask for advice or for recommendations on parenting books/styles but if not then button it!!!

I'd have been furious if my family told me I'd better off doing things a differnt way or my way would never work/last.
I parent the way that instictively feels right to me and I guess so do people who feel that routine is right for them!

GF was recommended to me by a friend when I was pregnant, I could see some logic in the basics but could never actually 'do' it (for one thing, she deosn't really deal with twins, other than in a completely impractical 'get one up and dressed then wake the other ' way - however, I do think it helped me retain some sanity to even think my life had a vague semblance of structure as I sat at home with a twin permanently clamped either side of me and they slept through from 3 months, so something must have gone right at some point - obv my superb parenting rather than the guru

tmmj - GF is absolutely NOT recommended for adopted children, you are advised to be somewhere on teh attachement parenting spectrum (or you and child will shortly go insane...)

Look on the bright side - the kid might turn out to have Aspergers and want a real routine and not some half baked Gina line.

what a silly thing to say. aspergers is a demanding condition for child and parents

I did GF with my 3dcs. I think shes great. It really worked for me. I wouldn't expect anyone else to do it if they didn't want too. If you don't want to follow then thats up to you, they aren't the best thing for lots of families, but why would everyone else want to make the same choice as you?

I wanted someone to give me more advice than 'they're all different' which is all I got from my HV.

I didn't relise that there were older versions either. My version doesn't advocate cc or tell you to not feed a hungary baby. It also tells you to use the ages as a guideline and be led by the baby rather than making a 10 week baby stick rigidly to the 10 week routine when she is happier with the 6 week one etc.

My son is autistic. I find humour helps me get through the day. But to be serious, I feel that the malign ghost of Freud walks through the pages of attachment parenting manuals as they purport that parenting methods can in themselves alter the 'finished product' and give insufficient attention to genetic disorders like autism. I have aspergers traits myself ( at least that's what they said when DS1 was diagnosed). I feel there is much in what we now call the spectrum , that is postive and we should not see it as being worse than death - which is unfortunately a common attitude.

Pros and cons for me:
Pros:
dd has had a bed time since 2 weeks and more or less stuck to it, also wakes at a reasonable time
If I hadn't read this book, i wouldn't have had a clue about how much sleep, milk etc. dd needed. Nobody else dared to be definitive.
cons:
she doesn't take account of the fact that until 6 months it's unlikely your baby will be able to sleep for a 2 hour nap as they wake up after 45 mins.
I can't knock her really and it's up to the individual how rigidly they interpret the schedules, she says this herself!

Oh yes the GF book. We bought it and read it before baby came. Thought aspects of it sounded great etc. 1st time mum, you control the baby etc etc.

Baby was born - rountine!! what rountine

Sold book in internet within 1st week .

Book taught me one very good lesson - never to read another baby manual - ever

I am a self confessed ford follower and for a clueless new mum like me and a sensitive baby like my dd she was very very useful and meant that i had a happy baby who slept well, ate well and a mum who wasn't about to have a nervous break down. Agree she isn't to everyones taste but you could do worse than follow her routines - babies love routines for goodness sake, they feel much happier if they have an inkling of what is coming next, full tums and a good nights kip - bit like me really!!!! XxX

My Mil bought me a load of books a while back. A few were useful Steve Bidulphs boys for one. She did get me two GF boxs though baby and sleep I think and I have never read them so if anyone wants them (to prop up the cot maybe) the shout.

boxs? books

read the book out of interest and realised I couldn't manage it.

But we should all note that a large number of us will have been brought up in loving households with routines not dissimilar to that advocated by GF. We're all alive and happy enough.

I do find there is a certain amount of sanctimony about methods like hers that actually worked well enough for our parents and theirs. Do we really think we're so much more loving and more clued up about parenting than people of our parents/grandparents generation were? All of them?

For me its how she seems to dictate and the fact that shes never had a child herself so doesnt understand the pull of a child crying of the physical pain it can cause you rather than a lot of what she actually says. I do agree with a lot of it such as blackout blinds and quiet during night feeds but to me these are common sense and arent her ideas to own.

lol cupcake. babies have got their own ideas about how it's going to be, don't they? parents don't have much of a say!

what i did notice when i was there yesterday was that they claimed to be following GF rules and yet when SIL went up to put baby down for routinely timed nap, she was gone for over an hour... I went up to see if everything was ok. She said "She's fast asleep on the breast, but when I put her in bed she cries!!" ...um GF? Maybe there is some confusion. Does the latest eition simply say "scrap everything I said before and do whatever you like!" ?

Gina does say its ok for them to sleep however they like, including on the breast. The aim is for them to sleep alone in their cot but not if they are crying. Plus at 2 weeks old she might still be on the newborn feed every 3 hours bit. with dd1 I was doing that for about 4 weeks before she went onto at 5ish weeks

That should say onto 1 week routine at 5 ish weeks

So, the baby can just stay on the breast between it's 3 hourly feeds? So, can just stay there 24/7 then! GF has changed her tune since her first edition. Not very strict then anymore. I wonder why she changed her mind. She sounded so sure of herself to begin with!

Ok, I am off for my 8.30pm feed in a minute. Hungry. Having chops, mash and greenery!

Turnip - I have said I didn't say anything to them, but know lots of people who do and don't agree with GF's methods and where better a place to discuss than here? If we all had the same opinions this would be a dull place don't you think?

You say you didn't leave your children to cry, that's great. MY copy of GF's book said that you have to leave them to cry, so you should understand why I couldn't go through with it myself. Like sooo many others have said in this thread (have you read it?) newer GF books are much more relaxed.

Ok, I am starving.