AAAAAAGH! Brother and sister-in-law have first baby... doing it Gina-style!!!

[justnally]

Met new teeny tiny bundle yesterday. Very cute. Then they announced that they are following Gina Ford's book. I know I should respect their decision on how to look after their baby, but I felt like screaming "NO!" !!!

List of posters to gag v soon:

mp
justnally
Kewcumber
probably myself

Well I WOULD say something

rather than the rictus grin and instant stomach ulcer

I would say "Wow, really? What is it you like about those theories?" and take it from there

Gently pointing out perhaps alternative solutions

and suggesting that some babies will scream and really it's a good idea to, you know, make eye contact with them and stuff

I woudl say things like 'Give it a go but if you feel it's interfering with what your HEART says, then remember that your HEART is right, because you are the mummy'

Are they actually following GF to the letter? It used to really irritate/bore me that people presumed that just because we found it helpful to get guidance from a book that we religiously followed it to the letter.

Why do some people make the assumption that just because you read a book you will then leave your baby to cry/go hungry/be a bad parent etc? GF worked brilliantly for us, without doing controlled crying and with adding in extra feeds and sleeps as needed. Which is something GF keeps emphasising.

Really if following a book helps you deal with the difficult early days, why knock it? I'm sure their baby will still be as loved and cherished as anyone elses.

I have pregnant friends who feel they can't even look at GF, because they will be so criticised by friends who chose not to follow a set routine with their babies. I think that's a shame. I'm bored of GF baiting.

GF is not suitable for adopted children so I have an easy get-out clause though.

And I am routine queen when they are under 18 months (for my own sanity)

Well, why not. They may find it very useful. They may learn as they go along and adapt the 'method' to their own child. They may have an easy baby. They may not. They may end up chucking the book into the recycling bin and winging it. Who knows. Good luck to them, is what I say.

I read a few books, got a few good ideas, then once monster came along had zero time to refer to them and she's such a free spirit anyway she wouldn't have any of it but found her own routine eventually, oh and I Bf as well, but that's another interesting tale.

but hatty ... GF without the controlled crying and extra feeds isn't actually umm, gina ford is it?

I don;t actually care what anyone else does. Have just about enough energy for my DS none left to spare for anyone else unless tackeld around the knees and an opinion beaten out of me...

I met this Health Visitor recently at a church thingy

She said "I'm a health visitor" and the hairs on my neck stood up

she said "What do you do?" and I said "Oh I do some work for a parenting website"

and she said "Well as long as it's got nothing to do with a certain person's routines - I spend half my life dealing with depressed mothers because of that thing!"

and I was rather shocked and said in a small voice "No it's nothing to do with that!"

and then said "Golly these biscuits are tasty!" or something like that

she was OFF ON ONE

here are good points to gf and bad points.
I took the 2 good points ( sleeping bag and blackout blinds) and then used the book to prop up the cot when he had sniffles.
the rest of the book was quite frankly undoable for someone like me who thinks structure is something to hold buildings up, not to live your life by

thank goodness I didn't mention women bishops or anything

Message withdrawn

I love the Baby Whisperer book, which says the first thing to do when you get the baby home is........put the kettle on & have a nice cup of tea and a relax....or something like. That made me feel much better about the whole thing

No, really, it did.

Hattyyellow - I agree!

Any book is a guide and we can pick an choose which bits work for us.

We followed GF as a guide and also added and removed stuff as we went along as it felt right. There was no CC (GF emphasised cc not to be done with newborns - so don't know why people think she advocates it???).

I think it depends how we function in our lives as to what is right for us. I go into meltdown if I am not organised therefore to feel like I had some structure to my day in the early days was very important to my mental health - even if that structure fell apart everyday, it didn't matter - I felt that I had a plan. The reality was that my baby had his own plan and we kind of found our own way - but if I didn't have the GF book (or any book infact) psychologically I would have found those early months very difficult to get my head around.

Your SIL might also be using this as a psychological crutch too, which isn't such a bad thing.

I am still at a loss though as to why people think that GF advocates CC etc? I only have her new book - perhaps it was in her older books?

Kewcumber - we used it as a basic structure. Followed the suggested timings for naps/feeds, roughly how many a day/how long. Putting babe down religiously at same times every day in cot for a sleep. Darkened room, napping in cots as much as poss. Ideas that many health visitors have been suggesting for years.

She does actually say regulary "if your baby is hungry in between feeds you must of course feed it". So I'd say extra feeds do count .

Many people just choose to ignore phrases like this from her book when they've already made up their mind that GF is evil incarnate.

I know many people who have used elements of GF, some lots, some just a few, and still people who don't like GF presume you must be leaving your baby to cry for hours/not feeding it enough - that you must be taking every single word as gospel.

That you don't have a brain cell spare to take and use which bits of it are useful for you. OP's family might be/might well end up doing the same - just adapting it to what works for them.

Our girls are both very spirited and very stubborn, but it seemed to work for them.

Each to their own!

dkma in her first version cc was mentioned a fair few times it has since been modified

Ok Andie - lets hope OP's SIL / Brother are using the new book then!

My neighbour is doing this with he DS2. He is not yet a week old. I give her another week tops. Haven't said anything though as I am sure she will ask if she wants my opinion on her parenting choices. Well done you for keeping schtum.

Am all for picking and choosing but I think if you "do" GF you embrace it wholeheartedly and have that shower and piece of toast at 7.40 or whatever she says. I'm too much of a lazy arse to even comtemplate that.

My 2 DDs were treated pretty much the same, except I was bonkers with DD1 and very chilled (for me) with DD2. DD2 slept 12-6 from 8 weeks. DD1 barely manages it now aged 3. I think it's just the way I make them.

leave'em to it.GF book had me in tears it was like baby bootcamp.BUT my friend stuck to it religiously and effuses about it

horses for courses

At the risk of putting my hed above the parapet - I used F with my first baby, it worked a treat. I was depressed, but the routine HELPED me. DS is still the best easiet sleepr in the world, and a joy to leave at anyone's house whenver we need to.

DD is another matter. I wasn't so rigorous with her, had mastitis and struggled to BF, and her sleeps went out the window when my DH's family came to stay, and when we wne tup north with her. Consequently i din't "do" GF with her no matter how hard I have tried. And when I have tried she has had NONE of it!! She is getting there, but is nothing lie her brother.

many will say thats just coz yur two kids ar edifferent. I think If I'd done GF thoroughly with DD we'd be ok, but that is my opinion.

As for anyone else doing it - let them be. If it works fpor them, then fine. If it doesn't butt out anyway. horses for courses, each to their own and all that.

oooh scottish mummy - x posts!!

Is the reluctance to talk about it something to do with what comes up seventh when you search mumsnet on Google (But used to come up third)

goes for a read.

At our first NCT class one of my classmates mentioned that she had GF's book and was planning to follow it. Was v v funny watching the class leader trying to maintain her objectivity when that came up.

Agree with dkma. Some of us need more structure than others. Some of us are more laidback. And I think some of us cling to books more than others.

Especially if you are the first of your mates to have children/don't have family nearby - it's something to hold onto.

You soon realise with new parenthood, that you can't completely control a newborn and that you have to go for what works for you.

So to gently follow a suggested routine at least gives you a vague structure to aim towards. We didn't look at GF for the first few months, but after nights and nights of no sleep it was so nice to feel that there was something we could try following.

LOL many horses and courses no book can substitute for instinct which evolves with confidence

fwiw i bough GF on a recommendation, and i am ordered person like routine and genuineley thought baby would be a ordered process fitting in around me

wrong

i soon discovered who is da boss baby and as much as i wanted order and routine baby hadnt read the same book as i

at at morningrocketspaper.

I found lots of the general concepts quite helpful, such as the darkened room, making no fuss when feeding a baby in the night and trying to establish a bit of an evening routine.

It appears quite hardline, but if you read the book properly it's not really bonkers. Besides I thought we had moved on to demonize that mad Claire Verity woman who makes GF seem like a fully paid up handwoven lentil knitter by comparision.