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Original poster

AAAAAAGH! Brother and sister-in-law have first baby... doing it Gina-style!!!

129 replies

justnally · 07/07/2008 14:43

Met new teeny tiny bundle yesterday. Very cute. Then they announced that they are following Gina Ford's book. I know I should respect their decision on how to look after their baby, but I felt like screaming "NO!" !!!

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wittyusername · 07/07/2008 16:03

It wasn't so much the routines that I disagreed with, but the tone of the book... that if my baby wouldn't nap at a certain time then I must have been doing it wrong. Her comments about co-sleeping ticked me off too.

Though I'm not a sold out attachment parent, I found that Dr Sears' Baby Book was far less prescriptive overall and was useful to dip into.

As others have said, horses for courses...

Looking back, I would have sought more support from family and friends at the time... well the non-shrill ones

samsmammy · 07/07/2008 16:10

My baby is now 20 weeks and have been on GF routine since he was 3 weeks old and it was purely by chance that i picked up her book from Tesco as i was on the verge of PND due to my baby's very high needs, I've got to say that I owe that book a lot as my LO is now a contented little baby!

DRAGON30 · 07/07/2008 16:14

Leave them ALONE!! Everyone has their own way of doing things, and they'll find out soon enough if it's not right for them. I doubt that they will appreciate you telling them that they're wrong. To be honest, it's not for you to judge, and I bet they will find it very annoying. I certainly did, as I have a DSIL who was very quick to tell me that Gina F was crap, babies had no routine etc etc. We used GF with all our kids, and it was great! We had happy babies who were (usually!) a joy to be with, and easy to look after. My DSIL, on the other hand, had 3 hellish insomniacs, and barely left her house in the early months. By the way, I find that people are very quick to slag off GF's books, but have rarely read them properly. Don't knock it till you try it.

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smallwhitecat · 07/07/2008 16:17

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taliac · 07/07/2008 16:25

Well done for coming here and having a moan instead justnally. I know I'd have been tempted to Have A Word, but this way they can find out for themselves if it suits them and you can be supportive and if it doesn't work out give some gentle suggestions of an easier way of doing things.

I do accept that GF does work for some people / babies. I myself never needed to be told to eat toast so I chose to avoid.

morningpaper · 07/07/2008 16:37

smallwhitecat: there is a LOT in the version I have (which is 6 years old) that advocates leaving babies to cry - in particular one I recall is where a five month old is left for approx 5 hours while the parents close all doors so they can't hear it

later versions may have changed but that was where the empire began

Kewcumber · 07/07/2008 16:38

I thought she had accepted that CC shouldn;t be done on newborns but does apply it to non-newborn babies?

I really don;t care but I think its often where peopel get very stressed - CC is far too stressful for me even at 2.5yrs old

smallwhitecat · 07/07/2008 16:40

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hattyyellow · 07/07/2008 16:43

Presumably the OP's family will have purchased the more recent version, which is also the one we used.

Maybe GF will become more accepted by its critics as more people become aware of the updated versions of the last few years and their discouragement of leaving small babies to cry/go hungry.

northender · 07/07/2008 16:55

I agree with wittyusername about the tone of the writing. I was given the edition mp is talking about when I had ds 7 yrs ago (when he was 2 wks old). The book and the tone of the writing served to make me feel completely inadequate and depressed. I didn't have the benefit of a forum like mn or a peer group with children to help me out.

DonDons · 07/07/2008 16:58

aaah suddenly it all becomes clear - I had never appreciated that there were older versions of GF and couldn't understand some of the previous threads. I also have the updated version which definately says to add extra feeds if needed and has a large section about how GF babies hardly ever cry but if they do you should not leave them for more than 5 minutes.

I have to say it is working a treat for us (dd is 11 weeks and thriving) but maybe that is the nature of DD more than the book. (and she probably gets that from me as I am anal about routines etc).

FWIW I found it has helped me with BF (increasing supply for eg).

All of that said - well done for not saying anything - everybody has to find their own way IMO

Original poster
justnally · 07/07/2008 17:14

Like others, my version is 8 years old and terrified the life out of me...all that no eye contact crap, then leaving the baby crying for 10 mins before going to see them, then 15 mins the next time, 20 the next until they realised they were not going to get that cuddle ....not letting baby have anything in between feeds. It sounded like torture. I couldn't believe that people could actually go through with it. Every time my babies cried, I started leaking buckets of milk. I would have been swimming in the stuff if I had followed GF to the letter!

I imagine they have the latest version of the book.

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bythepowerofgreyskull · 07/07/2008 17:19

JN I would just say that you should be supportive and NOT I told you so at the point that they feel they want to try a different way.
FWIW I know lots of families who have "contented babies" through the GF method. it really has worked for them... It wouldn't have worked for me but it is at the end of the day their choice.

Original poster
justnally · 07/07/2008 17:20

greyskull - I have not said a word.... or even given a 'look', just kept very very quiet.

OP posts:
bythepowerofgreyskull · 07/07/2008 17:27

it is hard when you disagree but I think venting on here is a good choice.

mrsshackleton · 07/07/2008 17:38

They'll find out soon enough if it works for them or not ... leave 'em to it they have a lifetime of their parenting choices being criticised/judged give them a few more days leeway.
It worked brilliantly for my dd1 because she was an easy baby but I was a clueless first time mother who just needed some kind of guidance. It didn't work at all for dd2 because she is - ahem - "spirited" (actually I think "grumpy" is a better description but she's so cute), plus as someone else said when you have two dcs you can't let the whole house revolve around a nap regime.
I think the problem with GF is the tone it's written in, it's so bossy and no acknowledgement that there is any other way so you think you're a bad mother if it's not all going to plan (I did, anyway). I saw the other day she has a new book out which I think might explain what she's trying to do in slightly more flexible tones
I still dont know what "check draw sheet" means!

Twelvelegs · 07/07/2008 17:43

Maybe something like some people love this but if you find it's too rigid don't be scared to give up the routine.
Proceed to kitchen and gnaw your nails up to the elbow!!
Some people do love GF but then some people love having the arse waxed!!

VictorianSqualor · 07/07/2008 17:46

Personally I couldn't do Gina, I'm crapola at routines, we just go with the flow except for bedtime (with 3 you don't have much choice though!)

But, I bought the book to see what all the fuss was about and thought she was crazy, I could not physically do it.

A friend of mine has just had her first DC and wants routine, some people thrive that way, it's a very 'fy by the seat of your pants' type thing, First-time parenting and bloody scary so I've recommended GF and am sending her my book.

Everyone is different and parenting reflects that more than anything else in the world.

Just be supportive, no need for dismissive, just an 'I couldn't have done it that way not for me' and good advice if it's asked for, it'll be remembered when they get through the difficult stage.

Gemzooks · 07/07/2008 17:55

I did GF, worked great, though of course ignoring the stupid bits like expressing with a newborn. couldn't have washed up the teacups let alone operate a breastpump. DS and we were happy and he was a great sleeper and eater. But it was annoying as a new mum to constantly have people telling you what to do! Older generation praising the routine, younger saying it was cruel etc.. However one thing I have noticed is friends without a routine have really suffered, and I'm just not willing to, I need my sleep!

LittleMyDancing · 07/07/2008 17:57

MN really needs a emoticon...

Original poster
justnally · 07/07/2008 17:59

agree re emoticon!

OP posts:
Original poster
justnally · 07/07/2008 18:00

got to go and feed 9 month old....not because it's 6pm, but because he is telling me he is hungry....

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themildmanneredjanitor · 07/07/2008 18:01

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waffletrees · 07/07/2008 18:26

I innocently bought GF 7 years ago. It was before all this controversy started. I mean who wouldn't want a contented baby?

It ended up in the bin. The old editions did not advocate feeding if they were hungry and leaving them to scream for 10 mins. DC1 was very demanding and we ended up co-sleeping in the end.

6 DC2 was a naturally contented baby (aka pushover) and I am sure if we wanted to we could have GF'd him but we co-slept for months.

IMO all baby books are crap.

MMJ - yes are right. GF does seem to work against perfectly natural need to cuddle, hug feed your baby.

constancereader · 07/07/2008 18:38

I had a routine. Unfortunately my ds ignored it

I still didn't get any sleep.

Felt I needed to say that it doesn't always follow!