im being pushed to my limit.i dont feel like a very good mum right now

[copingvquietly]

im sick of moaning on here
j has got himself a right temper and is fighting me over most things.nappy change.bottles.going in pushchair.sleeping. the list goes on.i cant cope with it.its making me anxious which isnt good
i dont want to be amum at the moment

[copingvquietly]

i hope your day is brighter aswell LEM x

[copingvquietly]

ive seen my health visitor and she was really sympathetic.i talked with her about putting j in nursery for a couple of hours which i dont want to do but i know i have to do something in reality.so on monday im going to visit
now i need to sort out the rest of his day so i can get more sleep at night.i know i need to do something.we cant carry on like this for much longer.well i cant anyway.

[thumbwitch]

CVQ, so glad that you have a nice HV who was able to listen to your worries, that makes such a difference.
Good luck with sorting out j's day - and take it easy, lttle steps, one thing at a time. Every small victory is a worthy one, even if you still feel like you're fighting him all the time - it will get easier.
take care of yourself too x

[thumbwitch]

just remembered as well - my sister had PND from having 3 DDs under 3 at the time and she found homestart to be really beneficial;
so if you can find a group near you, it might be worth a go, as said previously. Even if you don't want to talk to anyone else, and I totally understand that, it just takes the one-on-one pressure off you and you can sit and listen to other people rather than talking yourself.

[bellavita]

Hey CVQ - putting J in nursery for a couple of hours sounds like really positive step forward. This will give you some time to catch up and him some bonding time with other children.

I often think about you and if I can help in any way, you only have to ask, and I know you don't like doing that but honestly, I would not say if I didn't want to. xx

[lucyellensmum]

the nursery idea is a good one, will give you time just to chill out and take some time to be you - even if htat is sleeping!!

Hope you have a good weekend x

[copingvquietly]

thankyou everyone for being so kind.ive made some changes this afternoon so fingers crossed tonight goes better for me.LEM im wishing you a lovely weekend aswell

[1dilemma]

Hi CVQ hope you're asleep!

I did wonder about nursery but didn't feel it was my place to suggest it IYSWIM. Try not to get too wound up in all the (sometimes heated) opinions on here about nurseries vs staying at home, people can get very entrenched in their position without really realising that others different circs. make different solutions better for them

(btw I didn't mean keeep your 7 month old awake I rather ment if he's sleeping for hours all day you can sometimes shorten by a few minutes each day and then get more sleep at night! However just thinking back now I remember how lovely it can be when they sleep during the day and you can finally sit down with a cup of tea and hear yourself think)

Somewhere I have the NCT sleep book which I havn't looked at in years. (I really can't say whether it's any good or not and at times mine have been dreadful sleepers)however see how you get on if it doesn't get better I can send it to you if you like.

(it's a flimsy little paperback so no trouble to send and happy to send to friend obviously to keep you anonymous!)

Hope this evening/night is better

[thumbwitch]

Just thought I'd check in to see how you went today CVQ - hope your night goes better for you and that you get some sleep x

[copingvquietly]

im up feeding j but today has been betterim tired but am feeling much more settled.

[1dilemma]

good
are you getting an early night or mumsnetting for a bit?

[1dilemma]

OK early night perhaps wrong choice for gone midnight!

[copingvquietly]

no ill be here for a while yet.j is currently jigging around on the bed!

[thumbwitch]

glad to hear today has been better CVQ - heres hoping that your little DS settles soon and lets you sleep for a while.

Just a qu and please forgive me for being nosey and possibly out of line - why do you efer to him as j and not ds? Is it because you don't like the MN convention, or is there some deeper reason? Don't want to do pop psychology on you either, just wondering.

[1dilemma]

I've just spent ages reading the tesco value thread.
I need to go to bed I'm fed up of starting the weekend tired!! might be around for a bit though

[copingvquietly]

hes feeding again now so ive got no hope of getting to sleep soon.i changed things this afternoon in the hope he wouldnt do this.apparently mummy was wrong.
j-1 mummy-0

[1dilemma]

well it will be j-1000 mummy-0 soon but then he'll look at you and call you lovely mama whilst patting you wiht a tiny hot hand and you'll forgive him

night is still young might go to sleep soon fingers crossed. PLans might work after a few days mine are real creatures of habit so changes take a few days to settle in?!
I really am off now
night

[thumbwitch]

sorry if I've said this before but have you tried lying down with him to feed him? Will he feed lying down? And then maybe if you're lucky he might drop off and you can just lie down as well and go to sleep - you won't roll on him if you put your arm out above his head.

[solo]

Hi CVQ. Hope you are feeling ok today.
Glad you realise you aren't alone iyswim.

I am glad I didn't give my Ds up for adoption now. My Ds is also a ' J' name. He's a beautiful child...I can't believe he'll be 10 next month!
I do hope you start to enjoy your J more and feel better in yourself as time rolls on so very quickly...before you know it, he'll be leaving uni! argh!
Do you enjoy your son CVQ? do you find yourself smiling when he does something silly or funny or doing something for the first time? My Ds has just taught his little sis how to say Cheese. He tries to get her to say ' cheese please' and it comes out ' pease cheese'.
I hope you are proud of your lovely boy and I also hope that you are extremely proud of yourself.
I have things to get done now and wont be back on MN until Monday...try to have a great weekend. Try to catch yourself smiling too...smile for you.x

[copingvquietly]

thanks solo.todays been quite goodapart from me trapping his little finger in the highchair
he is a lovely little boy and i do love him but i do get doubts about him.i know if our circumstances were different and my family were involved with him i wouldnt have those doubts.but when your left with your own thoughts and no one around to balance them out for you its hard to think straight.id love nothing more than j to be accepted 100% by my family and i hope one day that will happen.its because of this i sometimes doubt and resent him and double think the decisions ive made.if this makes me sound selfish then i apologise.ive given up so much since last year and if i could turn back the clock maybe i would have done things differently.but we are here and im doing the best i can with everything.

[solo]

Hi CVQ, Dp has gone early, so I thought I'd see how you are going.
Did your family opt out after you got pg? if that is the case then that seems very selfish on their part . I think you made the decision and it was the right one and friends/family - whoever, should have respected and supported that decision...I admire you very much for your courage. It was never going to be an easy journey for you, but you took that step and I just know that when things start settling down and you start to really enjoy J, you will know absolutely that you did make the right choice. I've said it before and I know it sounds hard, but I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. You were given J for a reason and because you were the best Mummy for the job.
How is J's finger today? I was cutting Dd's finger nails with(stupidly)big clippers when she was 12 weeks old and I clipped the end of a finger...I couldn't stop it from bleeding and eventually sought help. She was fine though and it was because of all the tiny blood vessels in our finger tips that it kept bleeding so much. I felt awful, but she's fine. My Ds at 17 months trapped his thumb in a letter box and pulled...he was in theatre for an hour and a half having it all stitched back on...I was at work and just felt dreadful about it all...things happen and we sometimes cause them, somettimes we don't, but we always feel bad because they are our babies
You know CVQ, we have a lot in common(not every 'detail')and if you ever want to talk to someone that may understand more than most, please say so and I'd be glad to help you...x

[copingvquietly]

yes.when it was discovered i had become pregnant things changed.my family constantly pressured me into having a termination and when that fell on deaf ears they went down the adoption route.in the end things got so bad i had to move away to protect myself and my son.i barely have any form of relationship with my family now which i find very hard.every now and then my mum will pop up but that never goes well and normally leaves me in a state

i judge myself and doubt myself alot but when your on your own and only your thoughts its kind of easy to do.i look back on how my life was before this nightmare began and yes it makes me sad.i had everything.my family a good job great friends a social life and the abilty to hold my head up high.i know people still judge me for a few things i do.i know a few people on here do but walk a time in my shoes and see how they manange.

[copingvquietly]

i forgot to say js finger is fine today.thankyou

[thumbwitch]

dear CVQ - how sad that your family are so negative and unsupportive! yes you had a massive trauma but, as Solo says, you were given a gift out of it. your J is still part of you, he will only ever know you as his parent and family - your family should be able to see past the origins of his coming into being and accept him for who he is, and he sounds like a lovely little boy (when he's not fighting you, anyway).

I still think you made a brave decision and even braver now in the teeth of the opposition you had - BIG brownie points to you! you made the right choice for you and your son - keep that in mind whenever doubt comes your way; you are a strong person who does know what the right thing for you both is.

[copingvquietly]

thankyou thumbwitch.my fathers words to me when i made my decision were 'evil breeds evil'.in other words a child born of an act of evil would follow suitill never forget that ever