im being pushed to my limit.i dont feel like a very good mum right now

[copingvquietly]

im sick of moaning on here
j has got himself a right temper and is fighting me over most things.nappy change.bottles.going in pushchair.sleeping. the list goes on.i cant cope with it.its making me anxious which isnt good
i dont want to be amum at the moment

Dear CVQ, so sorry to hear your story and that you are having a tough time - my DS is also 7mo and is developing temper fits as well, e.g. won't eat and then cries because he's hungry; is thirsty but won't take a drink - lord only knows what is going on in their heads BUT it isn't genetic. He hasn't got it from his male progenitor, it's just him learning to "be" in the world.

You really need someone to talk to properly. I would also recommend taking your DS to a cranial osteopath if you can afford it as it could dispel some of the negative energies around his conception etc. (apologies if this sounds "aery-fairy", I believe it works but I know a lot of people think it's a load of old cod) and that might help him to settle into himself in a more relaxed manner.

Big ((((hugs))) to you - and remember, as other people have said, you are exactly what your little DS needs, as you are his mummy and he loves you no matter what.

PS you are very brave to have had him at all after your horrible experience - I'm not sure I could have done that

Exactly what thumbwitch said - don't ever underestimate what you have done.

When you hit these walls, try to talk through them, whatever helps you.

You've been doing well and you will do again. This is just a bad interlude.

do you really think cranial will help him?he sleeps well during the day but its night time i find more difficult?will he sleep better at night?

DO you sleep during the day when he does?
Have you tried keeping him awake or waking him after shorter sleeps during the day so that he will (hopefully) sleep more at night?
Have you googled/looked in library for baby sleeping advice/books?

Don't know about the cranial, I've never tried it.. if it doesn't hurt may be worth a go? Is there any way you could rejig his routines so he slept at night rather than day - would help you more if you could get a good night sleep (says me, as if I know!! Wishful thinking!)

he sleeps in the morning and afternoon and even if i try and keep him awake he will just fall asleep eventually.like on the floor.i spent a week getting him onto bottles in the hope he would sleep better.that lasted one or two nights and now im back to him waking me up maybe 2 or 3 times a night and me having to bf him again to pacify him back to sleep.hes awake now.

Hope he settles soon for you - i'm going to bed now, it's my dd's 5th birthday tomorrow (today?) and will have a busy day.

Might be too busy to mumsnet tomorrow, if you want to e-mail me or need anything my address is

mel
dot
dex
@
tiscali
dot
co
dot
uk

Hope you wake up feeling happier tomorrow x

Can you sleep when he sleeps? it helped make days more manageable for me

I took DS to cranial osteo pretty early on as he was quite colicky and constantly arching his back, which is not how I expected a new baby to be, I thought they curled inwards like little caterpillars (could be wrong).
The cranial osteo was fab and he stopped arching his back for a while after the first treatment and completely after the second.
He also used to keep his R arm in particular clamped in close to his side, holding his ear - cranial osteo sorted that out too.
And it helped with the colic/ hiccups.
And the fact that his forehead was an "interesting" (i.e. squashed) shape - the membranes were relaxed by the treatment to allow his cranial plates to "loosen off" and regain a more normal appearance.
DS saw the cranial osteo about 4 times regularly (every fortnight) and I have taken him once since, when he started clutching his ear again (just after he started trying to sit up).
One of the reasons I took him was that my stage 2 labour was only half an hour and I nearly delivered by myself, the MWs only came along for the last 2 pushes, the head was already crowned when DH went to fetch them - so I thought he might have a bit of "birth shock". Tissues retain trauma for a very long time if it isn't released and it can affect all sorts of things. I also happen to believe that the energies that are around us affect us and our babies throughout pregnancy (this is kind of like "the relaxed pg mum is more likely to have a relaxed baby" stuff). Since your DS was conceived in such traumatic circs, and you must have been deeply traumatised yourself through much, if not all, of the pregnancy, it makes sense to me that some of that trauma will be hanging around inside your DS and cranial osteo should be able to release it.
Cranial osteo doesn't involve any clicking, it is very gentle and shouldn't hurt, although sometimes babies resist the process if it feels uncomfortable to them because they don't know what is happening.
I can't say whether it will improve his night sleeping, as DS slept quite well at night and not at all during the day (he naps better now) but I firmly believe it will help him settle down.

one other thing - is he on solids yet? My DS didn't start sleeping through the night until he was on solids, so maybe he is hungry?

I have to go to bed again cvq (work!) sorry but would agree wiht thumbwitch I am very mainstream in my health beliefs but was going to try cranial ostoe with one of mine but the wailing stopped.
It is also possible to get it at a low rate (might be just London but worth googling around for

hope tonight is better
night

yes hes on solids which i thought would make a huge difference but he still wakes.

this may or may not help you - up until 5 months I had DS sleeping in with me as we found bf'ing easier lying down. I think you said you are on bottles, but perhaps you could try having him in with you - maybe the comfort of you being nearby would keep him quieter through the night? Although I have to say that DS sleeps much better through the night in his own cot now as we don't disturb each other, but if he is fretful and wakes more than twice, I bring him back to my bed and he settles.

CVQ, hello.
I just wanted you to know that I had my Ds on my own - different circumstances to yours, but I thought so often for the first two years of his life about putting him up for adoption...He looked like his father as far as I was concerned. For me, it took a photo of us together when he was about three for me to see that he is my image. He does remind me of his father, even though he has only met him maybe a dozen times. Some of his attitude, habits and character traits remind me of him so much, but I have to remind myself. He is my son, NOT his fathers. It is up to me to ' train' him into the person that I would like him to be.

It will get easier. Every aspect of the shit you are feeling will change and get better. Your beautiful Ds is your baby. He is not his father. J needs you and your love and he will love you so much. He will care for you and swear to look after you and protect you(because you are the best mummy in the world). My Ds is a cuddly and loving child...it's a Mother and Son thing. I'm rambling a bit here, but you have your friends here on MN and we all care for you and your Ds.
I have to go to bed now, but please take care of yourself and your gorgeous boy.x

CVQ - am going to bed now, hope you get a better night's rest tonight and if you don't manage it, then sleep whenever your DS sleeps tomorrow if you can.
Good luck
zzzzz

thank you solo.you have no clue how relieved i am to hear someone else say what ive been thinking.ive been too scared to say the word.ive plucked up the courage to talk to a good friend over msn.were talking now and shes giving me some ways to help with j

goodnight thumbwitch x

im off to bed finally.thank you jes x

anytime sweetpea anytime x

I hope things are better today for you cvq. Please don't feel that you should hide away. You both need some fresh air, do you live near a beach, park, anywhere where you can get out into the air?? Yesterday when i was feeling crap and you came along and stuck up for me, it boosted me enough to get out of the house, i had stuff to "do" which helps. Today's mission is to buy the butter i forgot yesterday and go and pick up my prescription of happy pills. If i didnt set myself these little tasks i would go mad (im half way there . Find a reason, get out today, you can see how trivial that reason has to be. You don't have to see anyone, just go for a walk, see where it takes you, go for a coffee if you feel up to it. All this advice has been given to me on so many occasions and I think yeah yeah, like that is going to pay my mortgage/sort my life out etc, but it is surprising how much it helps. Also, the air is the best thing for sleep. Don't try and keep him awake, let him find his own way, if you try and keep him awake he will be tetchy and overtired, and wont sleep even more.

You should be so proud of yourself, you have chosen to be this little boys mummy and give him a chance at a lovely life with you. Of course it is going to be hard, whats done is done, you now have your little man to take care of and he will take care of you, in his own way.

it is awful when there is lack of sleep, my DD was a very bad sleeper, i think at 7 months i was lucky to get three hours in a row and she would wake up at least twice a night - its exhausting. You are not alone in this and you are doing a fantastic job.

Do you have a homestart near you? I go to a local homestart group and at first i was skeptical i thought, hmmm, they are for mums who can't cope. Well, yes, they are, to a degree, but the group i go to all seem pretty together and strong minded and i find it a lifeline because it is the one group where i can go and have a proper conversation with someone as i know there will always be someone to occupy DD while i have a coffee or sit and just sit really. Its great, i love it. Lots of mums with little ones the age of your DS and we all tend to have a cuddle and a play, they all look knackered actually So i think they appreciate being able to hand baby over for an hour, even if they are still in the room iyswim. You don't need to tell them your history, its a service. IT would be good for you i think.

I hope today is brighter for you and thanks again for yesterday.

thanks LEM.i need to look at alot of things today.

Lets hope its a good one then.

im going to see the hv in a while.i need to talk to her about j really.i know i do.

Well yes, it seems an obvious course of action if DS is going through a difficult patch. But you wont be the first and you wont be the last, all mums go through trying times with their LOs and HV often have access to things that can help. Do ask about the homestart.

Your little lad is a very lucky little boy to have a mum like you, the future can only be brighter you know. There are so many possibilities, college, uni, work, a new life for the both of you.

Have a good day xx