Should I move in with my partner

[ByPinkTurtle]

So I’ve been with my partner 3 years, I have a 15 year old son who I co-parent with my ex husband. My partner has 2 children aged 13 and 11 who he co-parents. We live about 30 minute drive from each other, I rent and he owns. We are very much ready to live together but my son is not happy to move. The plan was once he leaves school next year and starts college that we would move in with my partner and I would pay a sum off the mortgage and be added. We would be financially comfortable and have no money worries. How do I navigate this?

Maybe you don’t move in together? I can understand why a teenager doesn’t want to move in with another family. Does he get on with your boyfriend? Does he get on with his kids? It’s a big ask. Just carry on as you are. Soon you be able to spend more time at your boyfriends, once your ds can drive himself places or is old enough to be in his own at your house over night etc.

No I wouldn’t. I would put my DS first.

No. Put your son first.

Absolutely not. A 15 year old son who is in his gcse year, doesn’t want to, and the house is a 30 minute drive from his friends. To me, it’s nothing short of insane that you need to ask.

They get on really well, and it wouldn’t be until he left school and he would have his own transport by then. Of course my son comes first which is why it hasn’t happened yet and there is nothing set in stone on a time frame to live together. I was looking for opinions on people who have made the move and blended two families successfully

Families very rarely blend successfully.

If you ask the parents they'll say it's all sunshine and roses.

Ask the kids and you'll often get a differen story.

It's great that they get on. Leave it like that until the children are ready to be independent. Blended families rarely work, if you ask the children rather than the adults.

How many bedrooms will house have and how close to his college will it be?

I agree with pps that I dont think you should. Just keep things as they are for now until hes older.

I got married last year and now live with husband, his father and his young adult son.

I have FAR more work to do in my daily life now. FAR MORE.

Is that something you are looking for?

How about if you think, what I would give for my little place, just me and my son, with none of this shit and hard work they all expect me to do, just because I'm the woman, and how do I go about undoing this and getting my safe little space back?

Can you afford to buy your own house? I would do that. Keep it simple. Be responsible for your self. Not his kids, who are young.

It’s a 10 minute drive to the college and he will have his own bedroom and bathroom, the bedroom is big enough for a small sofa etc for him as well

Thanks for this.

it will be a lot of work for me with his two children and you are possibly right that I may miss just having my own space

How would he have his own transport when he’s 16?

Your son doesn't want to and at 15 he's not going to be leaving home for a considerable time yet. So it's a fairly obvious no. You haven't said what the other kids think either.

Moped?

His two children are desperate for us all to be together

He will be getting his CBT license when he is 16, so can ride up to a 50cc

Try to put yourself in his position.

You probably know his friends families, yes?

How would you feel if you were forced to move in with them because he wanted to live with his friend, and you had to go with him?

Right. So his children being 11 and 13 are desperate to spend time with a 15 year old. As all 11 and 13 year olds are. However, there is absolutely nothing worse for the 15 year old. If they are ‘desperate’ that implies that they are all over him and really annoying. I couldn’t do this to my child, and would never consider it.

Don’t do it, you will regret it.

They aren’t all over him and he has his own space, due to co-parenting across a 2 week period there would only be 3 days they would stay in the same house. Also all of them have after school activities. It has been considered as there are some benefits but of course his opinion matters hence we don’t live together

I would leave this as they are. Wait until he leave home or is an adult and can make his own choices.

Personally I wouldn’t. Wait a couple more years. As a PP has said, you’ll no doubt end up doing a lot more with his kids. If that’s something you’re ok with fine, but if not think very carefully.

I would talk to him about why, you might be able to sort out some worries, and get an idea of how serious he is. If he hates it there he will probably vote with feet and go to his dad’s full time.
it might be safer to wait until all kids are 18 and in the meantime just enjoy your child free time with your boyfriend.

If everything is going well as it is then why fuck about with it? Why force your son to do something he doesn’t want to do when you could just wait?