Misunderstanding at school

[quidproquo89]

My six year old and two year old daughters have a best friend for years now, never been to each others house but had a good number of playground visits. I made a mistake of saying to the best friends father that their daughter was like a third daughter and I'd called her a pet name angel. He confronted me saying it was weird, I'm not a father figure and we occasionally go to the playground and that his wife found it weird too. I explained that I didn't mean to be weird. The mum has blanked my girlfriend since and the father aggressively stared at me yesterday on the school run. It was meant to be a warm friendly comment of how she's an extension of my daughters because of their bond. But instead it's been turned into something very ugly that I don't think can be solved now. I understand parents being protective especially of men. I've said the wrong thing and because of the aggressive response I can't explain my way out or try to brush it under the carpet. But I still have to see these parents everyday. They are also part of a click of parents that have isolated my girlfriend and I on a number of occasions such as blanking us, being weird or shitty, making plans or chatting without us. I honestly hate having anything to do with the school run or parents

Added to which I'm dealing with a toxic relationship where my girlfriend refuses to cook, bath the kids, blow dry hair, get them ready for school, go to the playground and says horrible things to wind me up and gaslighting where she turns things against me especially when I confront her about why she isn't helping.

Too early for this one!

Yeah it’s a little odd, but it would be odd if a woman said it too, so I wouldn’t worry about it being a male thing.

It’s not nice to feel left out, but realistically drop offs and pick ups are such a small part of the day, most people are in and out within minutes. I only do drop offs, but I do breakfast club and rarely see other parents I know. I am sure it will eventually blow over.

Oh that is pretty weird to declare yourself a father figure to a child that isn't yours.
Do you call the child by your given pet name? If so, that is weird too.

In fact, the whole thing is weird, the way you have tacked on a bit about your girlfriend being toxic.

It's one of them where you can only control your own behaviour. Try to rise above the cliquey behaviour and this man acting like a prick. Grit your teeth and tell yourself that you're setting a good example to your own children when you're struggling not to retaliate in kind.

With your girlfriend have you tried showing concern that she seems really unhappy? It could work better than pulling her up on her shortcomings.

Thanks for your feedback

Yeah that was really weird and over the top to say that I’m not surprised you’ve made them feel uncomfortable!

Forget about the other school parents for now - your priority should be getting your children away from what sounds like a abusive and neglectful mother.
Can you just take your children and leave (go live with your parents for example)?
I think you might need to talk to someone at the school about the situation at home.
Schools usually have a Family Support person (might be called something different).

Are they her kids or yours?

I'm 100% convinced there is more to this story.

How can a child that you have only ever seen in a playground playing with your daughters, become like a third daughter to you? To approach this child's father and disclose this and add that you call her Angel is beyond weird. I would be extremely suspicious of the motives of a man saying this to me about my DD.

You might have just meant to be friendly but you have seriously misjudged this.

Also with your GF, she sounds terrible from your description of her. If she behaves like that with you, that says a lot about the type of person she is. If she also appears like this to others, it's no surprise that other Mums have isolated the both of you. I know I would.

Okay, yes, it was a bit strange, but surely not that terrible. Can I ask if there are cultural differences at play here? I am half German and we often find the (for us) over the top way people from for example Italy or Greece react to and interact with other people's young kids a bit strange, but I know it's just cultural differences and wouldn't make a big deal out of it. More concerning is the comment about your girlfriend which sounds like very neglectful parenting.

I would find it weird and alarming if the father of a female child said that to me. I would probably not want my child near you again. Is your gf the mother of your children? You both need to have a discussion about sharing responsibility.

Yep this is a weird thing to say to someone who is a relative stranger about their child whom you barely know.

I'd be avoiding you too if I was the girl's parent!

Now to your GF. You don't sound like either of you respect the other. Are the kids yours or hers, shared?

You were weird. How is she like a third daughter to you?
I would be suspicious of you.

How is your relationship with your dp related to your odd comments in the playground?

Yeah I'd find that very weird and avoid you too.

A bit over the top from you to say what you said, but an even more over the top reaction from the parents. Knowing that they're part of a clique which is unfriendly towards you, do you think that maybe they were looking for a reason to have a go at you? 🤔

You might have meant well but I have to say that I would have found it odd too.

If anyone had ever referred to any of my DDs in those terms when they were that age I would have begun to give them a wide berth I'm afraid.

It seems to me that you have two distinct problems.
The first is that you've overstepped by declaring you see another man's child ad a third daughter.
The second is that your girlfriend leaves you to do everything in the house.

Oh yeah? Outstanding drip feed...

Your second post is probably the red flag here. The other parents are detecting a weird dynamic in your own relationship and that’s possibly colouring their feelings about the rest of it. To act as though someone else’s child is an extension of your own family is years and years in the making. You really need to have an incredibly strong bond with the parents and it’s clear you don’t have that.

You don’t say whether your girlfriend is close to any of the other parents separate to you? If she is I would be wondering what she’s been saying.

Sorry, I’d also find this extremely weird! Calling her angel sounds like you are grooming her … no wonder they are blanking you.
However, it sounds like you need to stop focusing on this and sort out your relationship / welfare of your own children!!