If the grandparents blocked you, would you allow contact?

[Loweffortnan]

About 18 months ago after 10 years with DP, I had my first fall out with a family member of his, his sister. Neither of his parents witnessed the initial argument which was her being incredibly disrespectful towards both myself and my partner. Essentially it came to light at the same time that the grandparents are moving away, with the sister nonetheless who displays pretty strong narcissistic tendencies.

The parents took her side, blocked me the next day, and despite DP's attempts to explain over time, favoured the sister and refused to take any accountability.

They haven't seen our kids (6 & 2) in this time and DP has not wanted contact with them as he has said he is so hurt by their actions and favouritism of the golden child (37 and still lived at home, btw!)

Our eldest, 6, has just started asking for his nanny. DP and I have agreed that he can have a call with her. We don't want to deny him since he's asking, but I am still blocked by both his mum and dad, so I'm uncomfortable with agreeing to them actually seeing the kids until they can demonstrate some basic respect for me as their mother. I don't care for apologies or a relationship with them, but how can I trust these people with my kids when they can't even be civil for their sake?

Thoughts ?

Tell them. Tell them there was a family disagreement and they made the decision to stay out of your life. Not every family is perfect and honestly if they acted like that towards their own son (and you) I wouldn’t want them in my kids lives.

I wouldn't facilitate the calls untill there's been some resolution with the whole family. It's mad that the therapist thinks unblocking isn't necessary. Your PIL are really showing you who they are. Why would you now trust your children with them, even on a call, you can't be sure what they'd say..

I am NC with my mum (she did actually block me first, but being NC is my choice, I’m not blocked anymore). Absolutely not, in fact, I stopped all contact with my children, not even a card allowed, about 2 years before we went NC. As soon as her behaviour became concerning, my children were the first thing to be protected. I’d never expect a 5 year old to be able to cope with things even I’m struggling with. I’m the adult and it’s my job to put them ahead of everything else, including playing happy families to keep dysfunctional people placated.

Even if we were no longer estranged in the future (it’s been 7 years so highly unlikely), I’m fairly sure I’d never allow a relationship with my children. It’s not to their benefit. The only person it would benefit is my mum because she wants photos for social media (she doesn’t actually care about them), so it’s a non-starter.

Sort it out and let it go
Break the cycle of bs for the kids.
Can your son call nanny have a regular chat...surely she can cut the crap and contuine to be a grandparent ehen she hears the wee voice.