Honest Opinion 11 Month Old

[anon1411]

Please I only want honest opinions and no judgement 🥺 just a concerned Mum asking for advice and support from other Mums who may have gone through or may be feeling the same.

I'm concerned about my 11 month old sons development.

Firstly his eating. He seems to really struggle with food, he chews and swallows fine but will refuse most foods (and I mean A LOT) he maybe has 3 or 4 cooked foods he will eat for his tea and will refuse everything else. He is offered our meals every single day, such as spaghetti, pasta, roast dinners, tacos, rice, you name it we have tried it, but will flat out refuse them, to the point he won't even put it in his mouth. He will firmly shut his mouth so we can't even attempt to get him to try it. He likes breadsticks, crackers, cereal, crisps, chicken nuggets, fish fingers and chips. These foods are not something we have purposely chosen to give him each day, its if we have had chicken or fish or chips ourselves and in the past he has tried it and now likes them. He attends nursery and refuses to eat their meals too, it will often result in him having to have a fruit pouch or yoghurt pouch just so he has eaten in the 7 hours he's there. (He refuses vegetable or meal pouches or jars. They HAVE to be fruit or yoghurt). This has always been the case since weaning.

Secondly his behaviour. He spends ALL day just repeatedly emptying baskets, opening and closing doors and banging or shaking objects. Which I know may seem normal for his development but I mean he does this basically ALL day, it dominates his play. He doesn't play with conventional toys at all even though they are in a basket accessible for him. He won't even like emptying that basket. He will look at books though. He also doesn't like certain things, for example he hates clothes on the radiator and will pull them all down repeatedly, clothes on the airer he will pull down repeatedly and he will empty the shoes out the shoe cupboard over and over. He doesn't like things on the ottoman, he will throw them on the floor and he particularly likes emptying his nappy changing basket and he gets angry if we try putting the stuff back in. And he will persistently take things out until he can see the basket is empty. I've noticed when he's doing these things he can become completely absorbed in them to the point he won't respond to his name until he's finished emptying or until he's banged the cupboard door multiple times.

I don't know if im being silly or overreacting but as a mum, I don't know how to describe it but you know when people say you know your own children. Well that's how I feel and I just get a gut feeling theres more to it all than just age and stage.

He's already had his 9-12 month HV review and she said its just age and stage and no concerns from her 🙄

Any positive and non judgmental advice would help this very anxious mum! 💔

It's still too early to tell, and he is still so young. My DD is 22 months and her eating and play completely changed and developed over the past 6 months. I'd try different approaches to food and keep an open mind xx

It sounds absolutely normal to me and I'm not sure what the issue is. What is it you expect from an 11 month old that you're not seeing?

My DD was almost exactly the same as that at 11 months and it never crossed my mind to be concerned.

Thank you so much. I think with the food thing especially it's because ever since weaning he has just refused most things and I assumed it would get better even if ever so slightly so the fact in 5 to 6 months nothings really changed at all is what worries me mostly. But I've looked up lots of ideas in regards to food so will try them, think I'm just deflated that nothings worked or working yet. Appreciate your time!

Real food can't compete with ultra processed foods such as cereal, crisps, chicken nuggets and so on. As long he is getting those, he will refuse real food. Changing food preferences will be very hard but still doable. Try making home version of those, so a homemade chicken schnitzel instead of chicken nuggets for example. Another feature of UPF is a sweet dominating taste this is why he refuses things that aren't sweet.

At 11 months, kids don't play with toys the way older kids do, so his behaviour is quite normal.

What’s his communication like? Does he point or wave? Does he understand if you say a word, for example if you said ‘doggy’ would he look at the dog? Does he bring you things to show you?

Emptying things is a normal part of development, so is pulling things to the ground (off the airer / ottoman etc) it's cause and effect and learning how the world works.

OP I didn't want to read and run. Ultimately like you say, a mother's instinct is rarely wrong.
None of the behaviours taken in isolation mean anything but you know your child and overall, there's a picture being painted.

No development is linear and there is little different to what you're doing at this stage, whatever diagnosis or lack thereof might be in your child's future. He's just your lovely little boy!

There is a little in the school where I work. Last year she was in reception and I thought she was a prime example of integration in mainstream not being useful for all children. She has an asd diagnosis and would spend her day escaping the classroom, distressed and stimming. She got a lot of support but it was making little visible difference.
Then this year she's a different child! Happy, plays with friends, stays in the classroom and is making good progress with learning. If you hadn't seen her last year, you wouldn't know she had a diagnosis.

Whatever your little is displaying now, he will come on in leaps and bounds and in his own way. Hang on on there - you sound like a great mum.

Honestly I would say it is just his age. Possible ND but would not push for a label at this age. Give him a chance. All kids are different and go through phases. Particularly the eating and play behaviours sounds pretty damn normal to me.

We want them to play with the toys, but they'd much rather run around with a ladle and a lamp shade. It's just typical kids. My DD for the longest time would NOT allow shoes on the shoe rack. You dared put your feet near it and she would come for you. That was at 11mo as well and had stopped by around 18mo. They're quick to forget the things they're so passionate about and move onto some other daft thing instead.

Currently it's that she always has to go first for everything. Also a pretty avoidant eater, but has gotten muuuuuch better and will pretty much try any foods now (she's now 3yo). Give it time, it'll be okay.

As a mum and not a professional,

I wouldn’t worry about the play - I think the emptying is quite normal, in fact I would lay ‘traps’ for my DD when she was about this age by leaving bags with random safe items on the floor for her to empty if I needed 10 mins to do something.

For the food - I went by food is for fun until 1. So I’d say try not to stress about it but keep offering, letting them help with prep etc.

I remember my now 3 year old would clamp her mouth shut during weaning, it was a huge contrast to her brother who ate everything. Whilst her habits have changed now, she is still quite reluctant to try new things, but sometimes will surprise us so keep putting the food in front of him 🙏🏻
Whilst I understand that you’re concerned about what he might not have eaten, I think giving him the food pouches of fruit/yoghurt is letting him know there is an alternative available and it will just become habit. Hope that makes sense but also completely understand your concerns about him not eating so saying this very gently x

Also I would just make him heathy versions of the foods he likes. I would batch cook homemade chicken nuggets/chips and make my own fruit puree. Yoghurt pouches are okay. My concern would be making sure he has all the food groups covered rather than forcing him to eat something he won’t.

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/chicken-nuggets

Hello, it is so hard not to worry being a mum.

Have nursery raised any concerns other than the food?

At 11 months old a lot of babies are still just trying foods and it can be normal for them to reject things and only like a few types of food. One thing I read when weaning my eldest was to always offer something you know they will eat, alongside new foods. If you're concerned about calories or getting the right vitamins you can do things to help like choosing fortified cereal, adding milk to food, and egg yolk to pasta or sauces for iron, for example. The weaning GP is great for tips and ideas. At 11 months old my eldest hardly ate anything, my second has been much easier to wean. Some babies are just naturally fussy without it being for a reason, so try not to put worry too much.

If you continue to be concerned call the HV service again or get a GP appointment.

I don't know what i expected, I'm just an anxious mum who is seeking help and support. Im sorry!

I genuinely thought he would engage with toys even if it's just a little bit but he shows no interest in them whatsoever. And i understand babies like to do these things such as emptying and pulling things, but the fact that's all he does and he becomes so locked in, in doing so , concerns me. It's almost like he needs to do it rather than he's doing it because he wants to.

as a mum and a early years practitioner, this sounds completely normal to me, they all go through a fussy stage. My now 3 year old still has days where he won’t eat something then the next time it’s offered scoff it, as for emptying/ pulling things down, have a look at childhood schemas this will help you understand a bit better why these almost odd to us behaviours happen, my son would still rather play with an empty cereal carton and spoon that a range of toys x

Oh I feel for you. This age is so tough. They have a personality but they don’t talk.

if it’s any consolation, my child did almost all of that. Including the more unusual play. Repeatedly stacking bricks was a favourite. He was also obsessed with sticks. Never any imaginative play. As it happens he has just got four A stars for his a levels, and previously 10 highest grades at gcse. I.e. is just ridiculously bright, but really sciency rather than imaginative arty. He’s also a lovely lad. At that age I was anxious about all sorts of things, including his development. He didn’t walk until 18 months for example (is now super fit, great at sport).

of course, this is to show you my story and if I could go back in time I’d try to tell myself not to worry. I hope you can find a way not to worry too much too. Is there any help you can access for your own anxiety/support?

agree it is good to speak your the health visitor. To point out what he’s doing. Perhaps there is something like autism here, but perhaps there isn’t. If there is, you will cope.

practical things. Re food, keep offering things as you are doing. I do remember reading it’s quite wise of little kids to reject anything “strange” - it’s to protect them. I.e. we have to normalise the strange. Beware the beige food that’s over processed. Give simple things. Bread, fruit, easy veg like peas.

re pulling things down, my kid did this. The scientist! It’s also very normal. They are working out cause and effect. But dull for the parent, but it’s good. Quite impressed by the way he’s emptying AND PUTTING BACK things! I’d say that’s quite rare, may be quite a positive sign of his engagement.

good luck. Really, this age is tough in my view!!

Regarding the food my DS (now 3.5) is the same and it’s nothing to do with UPF because he never had any - at that point anyway. If you have 4 or 5 cooked foods you are doing better than us. I weaned him the same way as my DD who ate everything we ate. He refused everything. I then tried other approaches. Nothing worked. And nursery say he is the fussiest eater they’ve had.

Our health visitors run a course that we did. It was good although I’m not sure it made a difference. Maybe ask them what support there is for you locally. His range of foods is slightly wider now but still very restricted.

On the course I’d say there was a mix including kids with diagnoses of different kinds and others like mine who are just fussy.

I do suspect he has some level of autism as he other some other traits and his Dad (I suspect) is autistic but nothing that I think will severely impact his learning or independence.

i’m afraid I can’t speak about the play although I do remember my friend’s kid who used to just rattle these play chains she had all day and is doing just fine at 17!!!

I hope you find the support you need. The eating thing is tough.

Thank you for all the responses. They are wonderful and I'm so thankful 🥹

Food wise I will try homemade versions of the foods he likes, so thank you! I dont particularly like the fact that its processed food he eats, as a family we do cook from scratch 90% of the time but we always have those freezer bits in for days where we are too lazy to cook 🙈 We always offer him food he likes and add a little something extra on that he doesn't like so he's always got the opportunity to keep trying foods. And I know i shouldn't keep giving him a pouch or whatever else when he doesn't eat, I think it's the mum guilt that kicks in and I'd rather him have something than nothing but completely understand the comment about that 🥹 Nursery have flagged up his eating but I think as a collective we are trying to be persistent and just keep trying him with foods so just monitoring at the moment.

In regards to his behaviour, I do get babies like to do the most random things and toys aren't always their favourite thing. I think I just didn't expect him to have no interest in them at all, that's all. I don't mind that he does what he does, I just wasn't sure if the fact he doesnt do anything else with his play was a concern. He doesn't tend to play at nursery either, they say he often just goes around and empties things or bangs the pots and pans.

I will keep monitoring how he gets on and develops and just see. I'm just trying my best that's all 💔

If it’s autism you’re worried about then you won’t get sensible advice here. Every other poster has an autistic child yet they get very offended if you have concerns about autism or want to know about red flags.

I would try the Reddit autism parenting sub, it’s a lot kinder and people don’t dismiss your concerns as readily.

Do you have a family history of neurodivergence?

I'm not worried about autism as such, worried in general about his development... just want to make sure my baby is developing correctly for his age and stage. I think I just didn't expect some of this and wasn't sure how to navigate it all to be truthful. All I ask is kindness, so thank you. I appreciate it 🙏

Yes I do... I'm not looking for people to say oh he's probably autistic. I genuinely am just concerned whether he's developing as should be or not and if this is the norm. Because if its not the norm, as someone with a family history of neurodivergence , I feel it's something I have to think about and not just deny and push to the back of my mind (if you know what I mean) 🥺

Sounds very normal but I wouldn’t offer him chicken nuggets and chips regularly at that age! They don’t know certain foods exist to develop a preference until you give it to them. But some kids just are fussier and it’s nothing to do with how you’ve weaned them.

Thank you, yes i agree and I do try to avoid those foods as we don't eat them often at all ourselves. It's just on occasions and when we have he's wanted some and obviously liked them. I probably do give in too easy sometimes but when he doesn't eat anything at all I feel bad and feel like he needs a little something whether it's those cooked foods, breadsticks or a pouch. But I do agree and going to try and find alternatives which hopefully might work. Thank you!

I am not sure what developing 'correctly' means as children have different personalities and some will be early at acquiring some skills, but later with others. Try to enjoy who they are..

I recommend for one meal leaving food accessible to him. I used to make picker plates and leave them on a low bench or window cill. Dd would pull herself up and try little bits. Dry cereal,olives.peeled mandarin bits, pasta, boiled eggs anything really.

I gave formula until 18 months because she was also a little fussy.

Enjoy your little boy, what will be will be x