Honest Opinion 11 Month Old

[anon1411]

Please I only want honest opinions and no judgement 🥺 just a concerned Mum asking for advice and support from other Mums who may have gone through or may be feeling the same.

I'm concerned about my 11 month old sons development.

Firstly his eating. He seems to really struggle with food, he chews and swallows fine but will refuse most foods (and I mean A LOT) he maybe has 3 or 4 cooked foods he will eat for his tea and will refuse everything else. He is offered our meals every single day, such as spaghetti, pasta, roast dinners, tacos, rice, you name it we have tried it, but will flat out refuse them, to the point he won't even put it in his mouth. He will firmly shut his mouth so we can't even attempt to get him to try it. He likes breadsticks, crackers, cereal, crisps, chicken nuggets, fish fingers and chips. These foods are not something we have purposely chosen to give him each day, its if we have had chicken or fish or chips ourselves and in the past he has tried it and now likes them. He attends nursery and refuses to eat their meals too, it will often result in him having to have a fruit pouch or yoghurt pouch just so he has eaten in the 7 hours he's there. (He refuses vegetable or meal pouches or jars. They HAVE to be fruit or yoghurt). This has always been the case since weaning.

Secondly his behaviour. He spends ALL day just repeatedly emptying baskets, opening and closing doors and banging or shaking objects. Which I know may seem normal for his development but I mean he does this basically ALL day, it dominates his play. He doesn't play with conventional toys at all even though they are in a basket accessible for him. He won't even like emptying that basket. He will look at books though. He also doesn't like certain things, for example he hates clothes on the radiator and will pull them all down repeatedly, clothes on the airer he will pull down repeatedly and he will empty the shoes out the shoe cupboard over and over. He doesn't like things on the ottoman, he will throw them on the floor and he particularly likes emptying his nappy changing basket and he gets angry if we try putting the stuff back in. And he will persistently take things out until he can see the basket is empty. I've noticed when he's doing these things he can become completely absorbed in them to the point he won't respond to his name until he's finished emptying or until he's banged the cupboard door multiple times.

I don't know if im being silly or overreacting but as a mum, I don't know how to describe it but you know when people say you know your own children. Well that's how I feel and I just get a gut feeling theres more to it all than just age and stage.

He's already had his 9-12 month HV review and she said its just age and stage and no concerns from her 🙄

Any positive and non judgmental advice would help this very anxious mum! 💔

I can't comment on the eating but the play is very normal and actually a strong indicator of development. Look up play schemas - specifically Container play. My DS is 17 months and still loves taking things out of boxes and putting them back in - he's also a big fan of transporting.

What other toys does your DS have? Pretend play doesn't really start until 18 months. My DS still doesn't really 'play' with toys in the way they are designed to be played with, he can entertain himself for hours though!

At 13 months, a random lady told me off for not colouring with my child, because all they wanted to do was empty the box of crayons on the floor, pick them all up, and start again. My child want interested in colouring! They wanted to pour and sort and start all over again.

They are now 2.5 years and play with toys normally.

OP don't let anyone gaslight you.
It is much to early for any conclusion but you are right, children do normally play woth toys at 11 months. The behaviour you describe may not be indicative of anything but yes, it's a bit unusual.

I think it's unhelpful when people dismiss mum's concerns. Objectively, if what you describe is accurate I think any mum would be seeking to investigate a little further.

I agree.

Nobody is going to diagnose an 11 month old with anything but if (if!) he eventually gets a diagnosis, this is the sort of age you want therapy to start - and by ‘therapy’ I mean the things that would benefit any toddler - floor play, increased interaction and connection and so on

Hi, have you heard of the Toddler Taming book? I found it super reassuring going through the early years. I can’t remember exactly what it included but I used it so much starting from around this stage.

I would say some of the behaviour is normal but my children were definitely interested in toys at that age (one of whom is autistic), they would stack toys, press spinning tops etc not play as in imaginary play with toys though. I would say not responding to his name is not usual either. Definitely keep an eye on his development and go to a doctor if your concerns continue.

That sounds pretty normal to me. My eldest DS threw every meal on the floor from about 10-16 months. He dropped centiles, but not enough for anyone to be concerned. Then one day he just started eating again quite happily and now he's 13 he eats more than 3 grown men!
He also used to love pulling things out and didn't play with toys. My DVD and CD rack were permanently emptied, toilet roll basket was always emptied, the cupboards were always emptied! He's 13 now and has never played with toys, but he's really sporty and enjoys being with his friends. I had my worries about him as a baby, but remember that everything is still so new to them at that age and whats makes sense to us doesn't always to them, and vice versa.

I just want to give you a hug. I have been through all this with my own and your post just reminded me so much of it. My son repetitively opened and closed doors and gates, cupboards for much longer than felt developmentally normal. He wouldn't play in the park because he was just hypnotised by opening and closing the gate of the park and we used to get really strange looks. I cried so many tears over it and stressed so much. He also would not eat anything and I came on here desperately seeking solutions. I ended up giving him more milk which actually just probably prolonged everything because when I took the plunge and stopped giving him all the milk he gradually started eating more and more until I had the opposite problem and he would not stop eating. I get constant laughs from family members about it now because of how much he eats now and how much I cried to them over the lack of food in his early days. Probably around 20minths I noticed a massive improvement. My son is 4 now and although he still loves a door he plays completely normally and role plays etc and eats so well
Nobody could have reassured me 3 years ago about this and obviously every child is different but just wanted to tell you from experience that things can drastically change and it is not worth the worry even though we all do it anyway. Hope it all passes soon for you xxx

Bless you OP. My child is now a toddler and between 9-20 months did not eat.. just one pea here, maybe a grape there. It was awful, meal times left me in tears. She ate weetabix but even that was hit and miss! Sometimes, it was 3 times a day… no meat at all (I am a vegetarian) her dad isn’t.. got to 20 months and will eat anything. (Mostly healthier options) I take out crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes. I can do a meze of humous, peppers, carrots and cucumbers with olives or a biscuit - she will go for the meze. This was on her terms. Only thing we did differently was get rid of the high chair, she sits in a normal chair with the booster thing. (Don’t know if this made the difference)
As for the way he is playing, isn’t that just his interest for the moment?

I am not very experienced myself but I didn’t want to leave you hanging.

When he does make a milestone (pointing, crawling etc) write it in your phone notes app. It’s useful down the line if needed, and if not needed, it’s a good memory to look back on. I knew my DS was different by 11 months. He didn’t interact the same as my DD. I wish I’d tracked that stuff as I was asked it years later and didn’t have a clue tbh.

Look up play schemas to ease your mind with the emptying/pulling xx

Mine only used toys to bash things or chew at that age. He then moved in to owning and closing doors and bullying pot plants. He's only just started to play with toys properly at 18 months, although there were preferred things he'd carry around. He loved his bucket and spade from about 14 months. Yours sounds completely normal!

At 11 months my daughter was still struggling to have 3 meals. So we stuck with 2. I really wouldn’t over think the food. Just keep putting it on his plate. He will try or won’t.

As for play. Have a google at play schemas. My daughter has just turned 4. But still really loves putting things in other things and taking out. Rolling balls down the backs of the shelves. Even though she does play with other things. She always goes back to this

The play sounds normal. The food sounds like you didn’t wean him with vegetables from the beginning. It’s supposed to be 3 weeks of sour bitter veg to get them used to it, eg put a bit of spinach in or add mushrooms. Avocado. Some Carrots and then finally sweeter stuff like parsnips. And it’s fruit and veg for quite a while no crackers etc. someone else said it, they won’t want real food if processed stuff is offered too