8 year old DD diet

[WineLovingGardener]

I am worried about my nearly 8 year olds diet and how to help her. She was always a great eater, absolytely loved food, but its been going downhill for a year or two.

She simply isnt eating enough. She has a serious sugar craving, and asks for sweets multiple times a day. I believe she would eat sweets til she vomits and then would ask for more 30 minutes later if she was allowed (she never has been). She is allowed 3 sweets a week (maybe a pack of haribo) and she has completely control over when she chooses to have those sweets. BUT, outside of the sweets, she eats very little. She likes a lot of foods, and her diet includes fruits like apples, bananas, berries, veg like carrot sticks, cucumber, peas, broccoli, and i can give her dinners such as chilli, curries, lasagne, pies and she says she likes them all. Everything is home made and I am a very good cook. She seems to have no anxiety around foods, so I dont believe this is ARFID. We include her in cooking a lot too. But she eats less than a toddler would in portion size. Its becoming a battle of "please eat some more dinner" every day and we focus on fuelling her body, and how our body needs food to stay healthy. I am VERY conscious of not ever aligning food with weight or good or bad food. She simply says "i dont want any more. I am not hungry". She doesnt understand about eating to avoid being hungry in 1 hrs time and then begging for sweets.

But honestly, she is too thin, her moods are going downhill, and she is leaving 60% of her lunches in school, she eats less dinner than she did when she was 2 years old, and she is a very active kid with lots of sport hobbies, and she isnt consuming enough calories to keep up.

I dont know what to try to help her up her calorie intake and portion size. I really want to avoid making this a big deal for her and causing anxiety.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

I'm really sorry you're going through this with your DD, I would book her a doctor's appointment just to be on the safe side.

I would like to try more things first before bringing her to a doc and making her more conscious of this as an issue. She is a bit of a sensitive soul so I dont want this made worse by me.

Can you share her height and weight, or put it in the NHS BMI calculator and share the results? I would also suggest seeing your GP. There could be an underlying medical cause.

Honestly why cant she just have a piece of cake / yoghurt or a homemade muffin after dinner.... dont make it contingent on eating dinner.

We.make loads of muffins for the kids with either chickpeas or black beans as the basis.

I'd also be fine with giving her homemade rice pudding with full fat milk. It's nutrient and fat rich and rice is a good source of carbs

I think making it a battle is the worst thing you can do because it's going to make her feel pressured and is counter productive because it isn't going to encourage her to eat more.

Does she understand that sweets aren't filling foods? If she is hungry, she needs to eat proper food.

How much are you putting on her plate? Give her a toddlers portion if that's about what she normally eats, a big plate full might overwhelm her. If she is hungry a few hours later, allow her to have a healthy snack or if she does eat a full smaller portion, ask her very casually if she'd like some more.

I have tried something similar before and it caused her to eat even less dinner because she was obsessed with the sweet pudding. I also wanted to avoid framing sweet food after dinner as a prize for eating, along with a daily habit of eating pudding every day that she takes into adulthood. My husband is pre diabetic and was sugar addicted, my husbands family are all very obese, and her grandfather is diabetic so I want to give her healthy habits. I am wondering if there is any calorie heavy things I can give her that arent sugar based and not a prize for after dinner. The rice pudding and muffins may be a good lunch idea.

I have honestly said all of these things. She will say a solid no to all food but sweets, and we discuss regularly that sugar isnt filling. I give her toddler sizes, very small plates, less food than when she was 2, and she eats literally 4 or 5 spoons and thats it. If she says she is hungry and I offer the leftover dinner or some fruit she usually says no and asks for sweets. When I say no to sweets she gets upset and then doesnt eat anything. She has told me before she doesnt feel hungry, she just wants the sweets.

Her sweet obsession is very core to this. She has always been allowed sweets. But I have limited how many for health reasons. She would live off sugar if allowed. I am trying to find a way of her eating slightly larger portions.

Yeah i have a similar but different issue my DS is a good eater but so low on centiles.also has a sweet tooth.

I have "given in" to some degree we do cocoa powder and avocado pudding, the muffins etc.

I try and keep it whole food based but I dont really care what it is if its nutrient dense now we got a grip on his cmpa and he can have dairy... we go with rice puddings and full fat milk based options too.

On puddings we dont announce upfront (some days there is nothing) and everyone gets one irrespective of amount of dinner eaten

I also do chia pudding for breakfast

Children need different macros to adults. I was surprised how low their protein needs are

You do read a bit as if ypu are "in battle" with her on sugar.

What of you did "an experiment" and offered sweet but nutritious things for a month alongside pasta / rice favorites etc. And just see...

I get what you are saying about eating a family pack of haribos but its not binary...

I know it’s an effort but if she’ll eat a little bit of everything what about doing multiple courses? Doesn’t need to be anything massively elaborate e.g. just put some chips and guacamole out first if you’re having a chilli for example, or garlic bread if it’s lasagna, then you have your main meal and then I would serve pudding every night- mostly low sugar fruit based things like greek yoghurt and berries, batch made muffins, low sugar crumble etc. If she’ll have it I’d also give her milk to drink rather than water.

OP you sound very caring! I’d second the advice to see a GP if she’s not gaining weight enough.

I’d also avoid making her think that all sweet food is the same healthwise. There’s a world of difference between a piece of homemade crumble and a packet of Haribo. I have a very sweet tooth and have pudding every day, but I’m a healthy size 10 as an adult and not diabetic - everything in moderation!

Could your daughter be encouraged with a sweet but balanced pudding (Greek yogurt and fruit, rice pudding, fruit crumble etc.) but only if she eats a suitable amount of her main course? If that makes her eat less main, then she doesn’t get the pudding that day.

Thankfully she does drink a lot of milk so I give her as much as she asks for. I think the healthy puddings is a good idea. I hadnt really thought of that as an option for some reason. Thank you to those who have suggested it

I understand why you’re doing it but some children really don’t respond well to pressure, and it does sound like you are putting quite a lot on her at mealtimes. It’s totally understandable but I would just not mention anything about food AT ALL for a few weeks and see if that makes any difference

No. I am doing the opposite. I ask her to please eat some more and when she says no I dont ask again. She has barely any pressure. She decides what she eats, and as a result she eats very little. I am trying to get more into her WITHOUT any pressure. I am very very cautious about my words and food. This isnt a pressure issue.

Could she be filling up on milk ? So isn’t hungry

I would also stop sweets totally till eating has got a bit better but sure many will disagree

I have an 8 year-old DC who undereats (in their case because of ASD). Too much milk can be counterproductive as it is very satiating. We found DC's eating got considerably better when we limited milk to one cup at breakfast and one at dinner.

Is she losing weight? Where is she on the height to weight chart? Healthy BMI?

The milk is likely giving her a lot of her calories and nutrients so she may not actually need as much to keep her body full, but obviously long term it isn’t ideal to be replacing food with milk. Could you try reducing the milk and just having sugar free squash and water.

I know it’s annoying when people say is it a ‘phase’ but around 7/8 my son suddenly stopped liking things he had always eaten, even chips and pizzas he would complain that they weren’t right too much cheese, too little cheese etc, just weirdly fussy. We worked through it and stuck to brands he liked and while it wasn’t ideal, he did get through it eventually, he is a fussy eater now, but not excessively so. Turns out he has ADHD though so there is likely some issue relating to that causing him to do this.

Have any of her friends started eating less, are their parents mentioning it? Could be worth checking in, kids can be led by their peers. Has she given you anything that might suggest why she isn’t eating, does she think it is an issue? I guess a bit young to realise herself though.

I would consider speaking to the doctor to do some bloods etc, just to rule out anything like diabetes that might be changing what foods her body wants etc. If you think that it is a potential issue this could be worthwhile, but I would be careful to maybe give her less information about why you are doing that so that it doesn’t give her a complex.

Hopefully everything will be fine, but keep talking with her and working on it and you’ll be in a good place to get to the bottom of it before it becomes a significant issue

Another idea might be serving her something sweet with her dinner, even a few haribos if she then has the understanding that she is getting 2 haribos (or rice pudding or more homemade sweet stuff if you feel more comfortable with that) with dinner no matter what so she isn't trying to hold out for sweets or anything dessert like.

Then no pressure, this is dinner and no trying to coax her to eat more. Even if that means she eats her haribos and then a few bites of dinner. If she doesn't feel pressured and knows she's going to get her 2 haribos (or whatever) anyway, she may relax and eat more.

If she drinks lots of milk it could be affecting her appetite. It all hinges on whether shes growing or not. If shes growing then shes getting enough calories. I would make sure shes hungry for meals, have a structure to your day i.e. meal, snack, meal, snack, meal. I had an issue with my daughter stealing sweets and eating in secret and I immediately liberalised what she was allowed as it was causing unhealthy behaviours. Sounds to me like you need to take the pressure off. Reward good behaviour but stop asking her to eat more etc.

I agree with others thst I would try and make more healthier pudding and let her have it more often. Eg muffins with wholemeal flour, fruit and veg added, black bean brownies, fruit crumble etc. Also trying to make things higher calorie like adding extra full fat milk powder to porridge, plenty of butter on bread.

Does she struggle to keep attention on any other tasks? ADHD can affect eating this way. And sweets give a dopamine hit that her body may need.

I don't see the problem.

She tells you when her tummy is full then she stops eating. She's had enough. She's just not stuffing herself full in anticipation of being hungry later. Shes actually doing it perfectly right.

Is she actually losing weight?

Is she actually growing?

If shes not losing weight and shes growing then shes eating enough. Shes just not over eating.

Keep letting her have sweets a few times a week and keep giving her healthy options most of the time, let her choose how much to eat, don't try to get her to eat more just because you think she should.

Obviously is shes losing weight or not growing then its different.

What stuck out to me is this "She simply says "i dont want any more. I am not hungry". She doesnt understand about eating to avoid being hungry in 1 hrs time and then begging for sweets."

It sounds to me like the only time she really wants food is when she desires the pleasure of tasting something particularly she loves. When she begs for sweets, is she actually wanting food because she is hungry or is she just wanting the taste?

Is she actually saying anything about why she isn't eating? From you initial post, it sounds to me like she isn't feeling hungry/doesn't have the desire to eat, as opposed to say believing she is fat an needs to cut down, like in anorexia.

I would honestly be seeing a GP and seeing if something physical is going wrong.

I would stop giving her sweets at all and when she asks just say ‘we don’t have any I’m afraid, would you like x instead?’ Just to break the expectation that sweets are even a thing that can be consumed outside of special occasions and to rescue her sugar cravings. I agree that unlimited milk could be filling her up more than you realise. Maybe get to the point of having three meals a day with a very small snack/ or a small glass of milk in between, nothing else. Therefore she will be more hungry at mealtimes. Then try and serve quite calorie dense food - cooking with butter, full fat milk, cheese and including plenty of protein and veg plus a healthy pudding as others have said. so she’s kept full until the next meal.

Keep going with this for a few weeks and see if you notice a difference. It does sound like you are already doing great though, maybe you just need to build up a bit more hunger for meals. Then trust her when she says she’s full, but don’t offer snacks later (or if you do something healthy like a banana or some weetabix).

I have read quite a bit about snacking recently (for my own child) and basically we are becoming obsessed with snacks, and marketed snacks everywhere. Hardly any snack foods existed 40 years ago and people didn’t endlessly snack. We don’t need them we are just led to believe we do. it seems to be a big cause of kids not eating their dinner. Either because they are genuinely already full from snacking, or because they know they can just make up for it later with snacks.

All of this