Do you attend play dates with just the dad?

[primaryschoolmum]

Just that really.
I don’t know the family well as my daughter has just moved to the school. Dad has asked me to join him and his daughter, with my daughter, to this event thing tmrrw. I’m assuming it will just be us four as he didn’t mention his wife coming.

I’ve personally only ever done play dates or met outside of school with the mums. Do others do this?

Sorry I don't understand why this would even be a thing you're worried about. Of course it's fine to go. Why wouldn't it be?

Do you think it's a date/ he was flirting with you?

I did a few, back when my DC were small. They were nothing special, just ordinary playdates

Playdate is for your child's benefit, grow up.

Do you really think only women do play dates?

What sort of event?

Personally, I didn't if it was a one-on-one play date at a family home rather than an event - but it was never an issue anyway as it was always the mums, or both mum and dad.

Only if we’re already friends. But that goes for mums too. I wouldn’t go to an event with a random mum I wasn’t friends with. It’s a bit different to chatting at a birthday party. But yes, I do have dad’s numbers in my phone and I arrange play dates and lifts with them. We don’t really hang out 1:1 though as I wouldn’t consider them friends.

I can’t understand what the issue is?

Yes, of course. I have lots of male friends and wouldn't think twice about it (unless he's been flirting or hinting he wants more than friendship,)

I know it’s not what you asked but I don’t think I’d want to go to a weekend event with a family I barely know, regardless of whether it was mum or dad.

Yes I became friendly with a dad when on maternity leave. I did wonder if it was more difficult for men doing the stay at home parenting due to the social aspect

In all my years of parenting I only once attended a playdate that was with a dad. It was arranged with the mum and she was unwell on the day. I felt envious that her husband came in her place because mine (now ex) would have expected me to cancel before he would hace attended a playdate. Unfortunately the expectation is overwhelmingly that women do this sort of thing. I wish it wasn't but it is.

OP I would, happily, because we need to reset these expectations. Also my boyfriend split from his ex wife when his kids were little and he told me that he tried to arrange a playdate for the boys and heard on the grapevine that the woman thought he was asking her out. Playdates are for the kids and you'll be fine.

I don’t really see the problem with it to be honest it’s a play date for your child. It would be sad for your DC to miss out on these if you only agreed to meet with adults of the same gender.

My DH has done plenty of birthday parties without me I wouldn’t think twice about sending him on a play date

Why would you possibly not? Should kids of single dads not get playdates?
Or dads who actually do some childcare, as lots of people don't have the old dad is the only breadwinner household?
I don't know if this is a joke. Are you saying because a heterosexual man might just possibly be attracted to you, gis kids shouldn't get a playdate? Would you also question going on playdates with a mum who is a lesbian/bi?

DH was a SAHD and there were lots of playdates and activities that him and DS didn't do becuase there was definitely a concern frmo other mums to do them with him. That culture has really shifted int he last few years I'm please dto say and it was definitely easier by the time DD came along. POssibly also as a positive post-covid thing where more dads were just around and on the playground suddenly.

Please don't be put off - assuming you've never had any weird vibes from him of course (which applies to anything you do with anyone). If, for example, you'ev been invited to go to a softplay or something, please go for your childs sake.

DD's best friend in primary has a disabled sister so often the mum was with her and DD and me/DH would be out and about with the friend and dad instead. It was totally fine. I like the dad, but we'r enever going to be best friends even though we've spent a decent amount of time together but I quite like that - with mums it often felt like if me and the mum weren't goign to be really good friends, the playdates and activities would dry up.

Absolutely. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Parents are parents.

I would not leave my young DC in the care of the dad if it were at the house or similar and I didn’t know him well. Since you’re going as well it’ll be fine, unless you really cba to make small talk with him for the duration. The same as if it was a mum you didn’t really want to chit chat with. Though tbh I’m far less interested in men generally so less likely to want to ‘make friends’.

I'm Dad. I used to often do playdates with other Mums. DP worked weekends so I tended to be the one a available. They were fine, although there were a couple of Mums that rescinded invites once they realised DP wasn't free.

DD is 18 now, and I'm still friends with more of the old playground Mums than DP is these days.

You are making this soundi weird. Surely its just a pliaydate with a parent and cihild. Just get on with it.

My husband did play dates with another mum, the child was from my daughters child minders, he bumped in to them at a park and they arranged a play date and then have met a few times since, never came across to us as weird.

Please do, speaking as someone who had a single dad. When I started senior school, some of my new friends weren't allowed to come to my house because I didn't have a mum. It was really upsetting.

I would, but I can’t say the situation has ever arisen!

Mumsnet “Men need to do more”

OP “I can’t possibly go on a play date for the benefit of my child as the Dad will be there”

Exactly this. For goodness sake. It’s PARENTS meeting. Men are parents too. Stop being sexist and childish.

I’d definitely wouldn’t let my year 7 daughter go to the home of a new friend who I don’t know yet with just their dad supervising. I’d rather they were in the house alone, tbh!

Thanks all for the responses. Was not trying to be sexist at all, of course dads should take their kids to play dates but in my experience it has always been dads with dads and mums with mums. Or all parents together.