When did you feel ready to try for a second child?

[decisionschoices]

How did you know you were ready to try for your next child? How much of an age gap between children do you have or did you plan for? I know these things don’t really go according to plan. Did you feel under pressure to try for another child earlier than you would have liked due to your age? I am weighing up pros and cons. I’m 37 with a 20 month old and wanting to wait another while but terrified of waiting too long. Any words of wisdom?

I never did. One and done.

We always knew we wanted at least 2 children and we always knew we wanted a small age gap. My husband was happy to try for our second once I felt ready and we ended up with a 18 month age gap, youngest is now nearly 1. Age wasn’t a factor for us as both in late twenties but I knew I was “ready” when the thought of another baby was exciting rather than scary, that is different for everyone.

I felt ready to start trying shortly after DC1 turned one. DC1 took 5 months of TTC and we wanted an age gap of 2-3 years so seemed a sensible tine to start.

I was 33 when I had DC1 so not massive age pressure, though DH is older than I am and he didn't want to leave a huge gap before having any more. DC2 is 2 yrs 4 months younger.

DH was ready way before I was. But when my company announced they were committing to online working for another year due to covid it felt like the right time to book in mat leave 😅

We have the same gap as @SatinHeart and I started at a similar age. IMO it's a great gap. It was hard at first as the older one still very much needs mum. But they're 7&5 now and play together all the time.

#3 came this summer and not having a toddler and a newborn is SO much easier. But I do wonder how close they'll be growing up with such a big gap.

I don’t know if I ever felt ‘ready’ really, that didn’t really come into it - I knew what age gap we wanted to aim for so that’s what we did

I have a 3yr age gap. Lots of mummy-friends started TTC much earlier so they would have a 2yr gap but I needed another year to get my feet under me and I was enjoying DD1 so much it seemed rude to bring another baby on the scene.

I wanted a small age gap and it had taken almost a year to get pregnant with my first, so we decided to start trying again when DC1 was seven months. What I hadn't expected was that I'd conceive that first month - I was still breastfeeding too, so it was a bit of a surprise and I'm not sure I really felt ready! So there's a sixteen month gap between my first two. I was around 30, so time wasn't really a factor for us. There was more of a decision to make when trying for a third, I wanted around a two and a half year gap and that's what there is between DS2 and DS3.

DH were never really ready at the same time. It took about 4 years after DD1 for us to be both on the same page for various reasons. When I was ready, DD1 wasn't sleeping well and DH took the brunt of that, when DH was ready it wasn't the right time workwise for me. etc....

Eventually it came down to a now or never type decision. I had an age I didn't want to go past, and DH is 5 years older than me and he had his upper limit too. Then the work gods aligned and it just suddenly made sense.

5 year age gap and its really lovely but any age gap has it's pros and cons.

Small gap for us. We have 3. DS (13) 2012, DD (11) 2014 and DS 2016 (10). But we were incredibly lucky as we got pregnant straight away. We always wanted 3 and just thought might as well try to keep the gap small.

However I was more ready to jump from 2 to 3 than from 1 to 2.

We started trying when no 1 was 6 months. Fell pregnant straight away and had a 15 month gap. It was my favourite age gap of all of mine.

I began to consider it when the first one slept through the night! Actually once DC1 turned 2, and I'd been back at work some time, we started trying again.

I didn’t feel ready until my first was 3.5. We started trying around when she turned 4 and 2nd was born just shy of her 5th birthday. I was 37. It was a very well timed age gap. We wanted first to be in school so no nursery to pay for and I wanted to be at a certain career stage to take another break. I’m very happy with waiting that long. It worked out well and I think the age gap meant we had an easier time than a lot of our friends with smaller age gaps.

I ttc again when DC1 was just over 1. Got pregant in about 4 months but miscarried at 3 months and after that didn't want to ttc straight away, so left it 18 months. Got pregnant again very quickly and DC2 is 3 years 8 months younger than her sibling. The age gap was fine from a practical viewpoint though they never played much together. I was surprised but delighted to have DC2 as I was 38 by the time I felt ready to ttc after the miscarriage and thought I might have left it too late. The not playing together thing is probably very little to do with the age gap, it's more that they have very different personalities and interests.

I have a gap of 3yrs 11 months which has worked out well. It took a while to conceive dc2 so it wasn't precisely planned. But I liked that I had 2 proper mat leaves and baby experiences with each dc, doing the whole baby and toddler groups thing with one to one attention each time, because dc1 was in preschool/school when dc2 was a baby.
I also did extended bfing for each child (3+ yrs each). A lot of second babies don't get dedicated adult attention and it's often seen as inevitable when you have a second dc and 2 young dcs to deal with, but it wasn't the case for ours.
They have similar personalities and are both quite bright so they get on and play together well despite the age gap. But we do a lot of structured activities and extracurriculars and there is a bit more juggling involved (though you would also have to do that with an 18m/2yr gap too, as they are strictly split into academic age groups).

Started trying when DC1 was 18 months because he had taken a while to concieve (and I rightly suspected subfertility) but didn't really feel ready then. Probably felt more ready when he was 2 or 2 and a half but then didn't actually concieve DC2 until he was 3! Now she is 18 months I would feel nowhere near ready to ttc again although think we are sticking at two anyway. Almost 4 year age gap worked out well for us. I loved being on mat leave his first term of reception.

I have a 2 year old and I'm not ready yet. We are eventually aiming for a 4 year age gap.

I think small age gaps are very painful and hard work. 2 year olds need a lot of attention. Everyone I know who had them 2 years apart really struggled in the early years.

Our gap is 3y 3m. DS was an extremely hard work baby who still doesn't always sleep through at age 4 and still needs a lot of very careful parenting and individual attention.

We started trying for a 2nd just before he turned 2, when I was 35 and DD was conceived when he was about 2.5yo. That isn't really that long trying, but unfortunately, I had 2 miscarriages in that time which was really difficult especially as one was a drawn out missed miscarriage.

They are now 4 and 13mo and the gap is nice. They start to play together better now and DS is surprisingly considerate and kind towards her, especially when he thinks I'm not watching!

I feel incredibly grateful to have my 2 children (even though I have threads around asking for help with DS's idiosyncrasies I do love him to bits). I know on Mumsnet lots of people have babies into their 40s but that isn't possible for everyone. DD was born just before I turned 37 and I think I nearly left it too late.

When I couldn't think of anything other than getting pregnant. The thought dominated my waking hours, and then I kept dreaming about it at night.

It was earlier than I had wanted to start trying as well. I wanted an absolute minimum of two and a half years between children, ideally longer. But the thoughts intruded when my first was only 17 months.

DH and I decided to try anyway. I have PCOS and it had taken us 3 years and eventually Clomid to conceive our eldest. We figured we'd need help again, but in the meantime it would be fun and stop my thoughts from spiralling out of control.

Well as we all know nature (and inositol) apparently makes fools of us all. A mere 5 months later I fell pregnant and had our second 8 months later, resulting in exactly a two and a half years ago gap.

ETA: It really helped that DC1 was the easiest toddler in the world. DC2 made up for that in spades and kiboshed any thoughts of ever having a DC3.

How did you know? Some days I really want another because I always wanted 2, but I found the newborn stage so so hard I’m just not sure I can go through it again WITH another child. But so many people cope which gives me hope. Me and my husband are both only children and turned out fine but then we both think it would be nice to break the only child line but I know that’s utterly ridiculous reason to have another!

I had a pregnancy scare when dd1 was about 13 months which felt too early, but turned out not to be pregnant. I can't remember exactly when we felt ready but I was pregnant at dds 2nd birthday. Had a 2 year 7 month gap which has worked out fine. I was glad they weren't taking gcses and A levels at the same time

I didn’t really feel ready, but I wanted two children and I didn’t want a massive gap. I got pregnant when DD1 was 2.5. She had been quite an intense baby so I was worried about how to do it again (and that’s why I didn’t feel ‘ready’). But DD2 is far more chill.

they’re now 6 and 3 and the age gap is good.

I knew I wanted my first child to have a sibling but I didn’t plan or try for a second tbh we were pretty careless and I was pregnant again just after the oldest turned one. 2 under 2 was absolutely brutal but I think if I did wait longer I wouldn’t have wanted to go back to the baby stage !

Never.

I always thought I’d have two but I had one, and it’s perfect.

I’m an only child and wanted children who played together, so forced myself (wasn’t ready at all) when DC1 was 18 months. Pregnant straight away and a 2 year 3 month age gap, which has been great (much more would have been a 3 year school age gap). Didn’t feel ready for DC1 either! The only time I’ve ever been broody was when DC2 was about 3, but we’d already decided to stop at 2.

Agree that it was hard at first but mine are 8 and 6 now (both boys) and really close friends as well as brothers.

I probably should have said in my first post that DC1 was a super chill baby which did help with feeling ready for #2. DC2 was (and still is) a tornado and I always say that if we'd had him first, the age gap would have been a lot bigger!