Does anyone else find parenting exhausting

[ItsSoHardD]

Does anyone find parenting SO hard? Like the hardest thing you’ve ever done? I read a thread the other day and people were saying how easy it was, especially so when their partners werent around. Then there is me barely coping, theres just so much to DO. It’s never ending, cleaning, cooking, washing, trying to do fun days out, school stuff, appointments 😓😭 is it normal to find it this hard? can anyone else relate?

I know what you mean! My 2nd she was chilled out, slept for 4-5 hour stretches basically from birth, did not have colic, wants to be independent and basically just gets on with stuff. I was like woah, no wonder some people find it easy.

It was quite validating to realize that yes actually my eldest is incredibly hard work 24/7. But also quite upsetting for all the time that I have spent blaming myself for not being a better parent, because why was I finding it so much harder than everyone else seemed to be. And also then frustrating because it's still actually really hard.

Single mum for the past 11 years to two lovely young lads. There have been times I've sat in the garden and cried cos I've been struggling so much.
They are now 18 and 21 . Yes its easier but we have dealt with different problems through the year's.

@InvisibleDragon I was lulled into a false sense of security because my eldest was so easy, never naughty, ate everything, compliant, dream sleeper, etc. My mother, aunts used to say to me “you know this isn’t normal”. Although she has become trickier as a preteen, the younger one whilst hard is so much fun though so it does balance out.
Enjoy 8-11 people these were nice years! 😆

I think this is something that isn’t really acknowledged enough, we aren’t all doing the same job when it comes to parenting.
I had one incredibly easy child. She slept for 12 hours from about 10 weeks old, hardly ever cried unless she was hungry, never really had tantrums and was generally just a very easy-going child. She’s a teenager now and, to be honest, she’s still pretty much good as gold. My second was similar, not quite as ridiculously easy as her sister, but still a very straightforward child.
My kids are both well behaved and I’ve obviously still had all the usual challenges of parenting, but I also recognise that I’ve been incredibly lucky with their temperaments.
My brother’s children, on the other hand, are a completely different story. They aren’t naughty children at all, but they are absolutely exhausting. They’re close in age, full of energy, don’t sleep particularly well, don’t sit still, fussy with food, don’t always listen and need constant supervision — they’ll quite happily run towards a road if you’re not watching them every second.
And I think it’s easy to think someone’s finding it easier when I think a lot of the time they’ve just been given an easier job.
Obviously parenting matters enormously, and I’m not saying children’s behaviour is entirely down to temperament. But children really are very different, and the amount of work, patience and supervision required can vary massively.

Best and worst thing in the world

@pokewomans yes, in some ways I'm glad it is so far my eldest that is trickier, as I went into parenting 2 with my eyes fully open to how hard it could be.

And there are ways in which DD is harder than DS. She is much more independent, so takes herself off and gets into all sorts of mischief. But somehow I find that much easier and less overwhelming than DS's constant need for attention and stimulation. That's probably also to do with my temperament, as I know a lot of people find the early toddler stage hard too.

My mum, MIL and aunts have always said that expectations on parents are much greater now & we tend to be with them more which is draining. My mum & MIL are also very good at having the dc so we get a break.

Yes it feels pretty relentless, especially when they're small! Mine are grown up now and they are my greatest joy but I don't miss the endless laundry, shopping, cleaning and cooking dinner for 7 people every single day! The bits I enjoyed were morning cuddles in bed at the weekend, days out running about in the woods or at the beach, camping holidays and cwtching up for bedtime stories. I miss all that!

Hardest thing in the world. 2 kids, 3 & 1. My little miracles after years of recurrent miscarriages but I still lock myself in the bathroom to have a cry on a particularly tough day. It’s the sheer relentlessness of it. Sometimes, especially if I’m unwell or overwhelmed, I go back in my head to pre kids where I could call in sick or book a week annual leave and make no plans, just sleep in, read my books, binge Netflix until 3am with nothing to get up for the next day. Then normally a tantrum or one of the kids screeching for something brings me crashing down to earth 😂 I do really hate it when people tell me that I’ll miss these days but deep down, I do think in 30 years time, I really will.

They are older, I think older kids are harder give me toddlers any day!

Well, yeah. Different people have different experiences and different opinions. 🤔

I don't find it hard.

Thats why im asking if anyone does feel free to scroll past then if you don’t as im not asking if anyone doesnt…

Please if you are looking at how others are doing it and comparing. Please don’t !

Well, of course they do. 8 billion people in the world, of course there's people who find parenting exhausting.

Yes, I do find it hard and at times exhausting! Mine are 7 and 5 and still feel this way. It’s physically easier compared to the toddler years but still tiring. I always wonder why so many people with similar aged kids will say how they are out of the trenches, have big kids now etc. I just don’t feel that way! I still have no freedom, deal with meltdowns, bickering, relentless school runs on a daily basis. Very recently I do feel like I might be on the brink of things getting truly easier. Might take another year or two though. The worst thing that could happen now would be an unplanned pregnancy and be back in square one!

Yes I find it very hard. One of my DC is being assessed for ASD and ADHD and is challenging. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but also the best and most rewarding thing and I wouldn’t change it.

Well said. Of course it's hard and for all the relentlessness, it is worth it. Love my DC and want them to be confident, calm, kind, well functioning. I had no idea how relentless it would really be but I see it as a privilege rather than a burden.

The hardness does change. Mine are school age and physically easier than toddlers, sleep ok, go to the toilet by themselves and can do more independently.

I'm struggling more with the lifestyle. It's the demands from school that are relentless now and remembering the right uniform each day and doing homework and packed lunches.

I find myself wishing I could have my more independent children but in a more freeform toddler lifestyle. We make the most of school holidays.

But I think it’s meant to be hard!

We are building kind, compassionate, thoughtful, self reliant human beings - that’s a hard job!

We could lock them up like those terrible Romanian orphanages or plonk them in front of screens and they’d still grow taller, but we’re doing a much harder job than that!

Yep. Mine are 19, 16, 11 and 9. Each stage just comes with a different set of problems.

How many kids do you have and how old are they?

Please send the link to the post about how easy it is?

I don’t believe anyone made a post about how easy parenting is, and if they did they’d be jumped on immediately and completely destroyed in the comments 🤣

No. No one has ever found parenting exhausting. It’s never come up before on MN in any way shape or form.

I don’t find it hard but I find it tiring at times due to being a single parent - I don’t have eow pleasure that many have

she sees her dad once a week for 2/3 hrs with me always there so I get no real break

but equally she’s a good kind loving helpful girl , sleeps well but with me working /commuting 35hrs a week and dd having a hobby that’s 4 times week I’m constantly tired and poor