40th birthday dilemma

[ScottishFemale90]

Ok so it’s my husband’s 40th birthday coming up.
We have kids aged 4 and 2.
We have been given the opportunity to go away for 5 nights child-free.
Would you go away before the birthday and come home for the birthday?
Or would you go away over the birthday but obviously not see the kids till we got back?

So what would you do?

This is so true 🤣🤣 DSIs 22yo and still we have several reminders on the run up to his birthday. Like I’m going to ever forget that day 🙄😁

That is really quite bizarre. Does he normally struggle with anxiety? What is he worried will happen if he makes the ‘wrong’ decision?
I was 40 last year. On the day my eldest child had a school entrance exam so my husband took her to that while I spent the morning with our other 2 children. We then all went out for lunch after the exam, then home for cake and a games and film afternoon/evening. The next day DH and I went away for the day/night. It was all lovely, no anxiety involved.
DH’s 40th birthday was on Boxing Day so we just had a big meal with family. Again, no anxiety.

He’s 40 years old. It’s not normal to be anxious about this.

Whenever you want.

I'd go before, especially if you're not sure how they will be when you are away- I wouldn't want to be worrying about them in my birthday. Everyone seems convinced that no 4 year old would know when their parent's birthday is but mine would have!

Put your big girl and boy pants on and make a decision

Then you point out he's 40 and should stop acting like a spoilt child, he will have just been away for 5 days and now also gets to celebrate with his children (who will probably be pretty excited to see him)...

I know but he struggles quite a bit with perfectionism also

True that

Then that’s probably something he needs to deal with, because when you have children something can always throw a spanner in the works.

Also, how does the perfectionism manifest? Will be sulk if his 40th birthday isn’t ‘perfect?’

We have only ever been away for 1 night at a time before. Yes I think our 4 year old would and I wouldn’t like pretending it was a different day I think that would feel strange . What would you do on the day with the kids?

Os he quite angsty in general?

What would you rather do?

What would you do?

I have no preference. I just want to do what’s best in the long run for his anxiety. But also if we go before then we have a full week with the kids after his birthday before school starts.

Whatever you want! What sort of things does your husband like doing? Do that!

Is it possible you could plan the 5 nights before birthday and arrive home on the day of his birthday?

3rd to 8th, I’ve loved seeing my DC on my birthdays.

Yeah but the whole point is to be with the kids so what suits him and the kids?

Is he going to have preferred the alternative whichever decision is made, or will he enjoy the day regardless?

I don’t know, what does suit your husband and your kids? You know them, we don’t!

We could but with those flights we’d leave hotel at 8am and arrive back home at 5pm and spend the day travelling , is it worth it just to say you did both on his birthday?

This is also what I’m worried about… rumination. It’s happened before after major life events.

If your husband’s anxiety is so great that he is unable or unwilling to actually make a decision at 39 years old rather than having you make the decision (or not as the case may be) then go before and spend the actual birthday all together. What I would do personally is tell my husband to get a grip and make a decision about HIS birthday. You asked 🤷‍♀️