40th birthday dilemma

[ScottishFemale90]

Ok so it’s my husband’s 40th birthday coming up.
We have kids aged 4 and 2.
We have been given the opportunity to go away for 5 nights child-free.
Would you go away before the birthday and come home for the birthday?
Or would you go away over the birthday but obviously not see the kids till we got back?

Yeah a nice lodge. Great time of year for it. Keep them up playing board games, maybe a hot tub for you and DH once they’re in bed. Barbecue for tea.

Might be worth a shout. Or is it better staying at home with them after being away for so long? Hmm

I'd go before and then celebrate with the kids on the actual day. It's good for the DC to learn how to celebrate other people's birthdays.

What would you do on the day with the kids?

Go away for his actual birthday and have a cake with the kids when ye come back!

Edit to add, if you feel guilty, lie and say his birthday is the day you are doing the cake. They wont even notice!

I have no memory of celebrating our parents’ birthdays so this seems strange to me…but surely the point of the offer is to enjoy child-free time?

But whatever he chooses isn’t a big deal either way. Flipping a coin might be an easier way to decide if you’re truly stuck.

I would go for the actual birthday, though.

Yes but do your parents have memories of celebrating their birthdays with you? Probably.

But if we were away we’d FaceTime them every day and we’d probably say that it’s his birthday on FaceTime.

It sounds like you clearly don’t want to be away for his birthday so go before.

Your kids won’t care or notice! I’d prefer to go away for my actual birthday unless I had someone arranged at home for that day, but what does your dh want?

Why would you mention it to them?

At 4 and 2 I really don’t think they will care if it before during or after as long as they can have a little celebration with their dad at some point.

Well they will be on FaceTime with the grandparents who will of course be wishing their son a happy birthday

Make sure you go to an adults only resort if you’re going in August, otherwise it’s going to be horrifically crowded with children in the summer holidays.

Then go before? This seems like a mountain out of a molehill. If he wants to be with his kids on his actual birthday, go away before his birthday.

I know but think about his feelings too… what if he goes over it and is gutted he can’t be with his girls on the day

Then go before 🤷🏻‍♀️

What if he goes before and wishes he was there on his birthday 😂

But he doesn't know what he wants so how can you take his feelings into account? This is exhausting and you are just going around in circles. Pick a date, book it, job done!

I mean, he’s nearly 40, I’m sure he’ll cope.

He’s really anxious about the whole thing and is scared he does the wrong thing.

Omg I have just really read the full thread. You are talking about almost a whole Year away. Just go on holiday. You are a couple just as much as you are parents. They will NOT care when you celebrate with them just as long as you do.

Then cancel it altogether 🤷🏻‍♀️

It really doesn’t matter, children only care about their own birthdays 🤣

But when? 😂