Teen dc long walk home and no longer has a phone

[HelpfulHelena]

Has your dc stopped taking their phone to school following the new rules introduced widely this term banning phones on school premises (not even at bottom of their bag) and how do you feel about it, particularly if they have a long walk, cycle, bus or train journey home?

My dc has a 2 mile walk each way, and is age 16 so often doesn’t come straight home. I’m struggling to adjust to the fact I can’t message her ( or track her if she doesn’t reply!) and she cannot let me know if she has trouble or decides to go to a friend’s house after school.

At least when I was at school I could phone from a phone box. Now she’s just out there, god knows where.

She was never obsessed with her phone, and only used it for utility purpose - so it’s especially tough. It’s okay right now but soon it will be dark as she’s getting home, and her walk is long and lonely. There’s no bus and I work so I can’t collect her.

Is anyone else finding the new rules make them more anxious about their teens in particular being alone in the big wide world?

The school I work at is allowing them switched off in bags. My dd's school no smart phones at all but a brick phone switched off in bags.

The whole thing is ridiculous. We weren't sat around in lessons on our phones. This doesn't stop children looking at harmful content outside of school. And frankly if your child has snuck to the toilets to access inappropriate content that's on you as a parent for not locking down their filtering system or their internet access.

God that's dystopian

I would raise it with the school. Outright banning of all phones seems unnecessary. They could allow brick phones or have storage arrangements during the day. If your child is reliant on public transport that could have issues it is necessary to be able to contact you. My DC travel from town to our village by a local bus which runs for times a day and is not always reliable. They would need to contact one of us if there was a problem with it. Phones not having existed 35 years ago is a pointless argument in the modern world.

We live in a rural village. High school allows phones to be given back at end of day but before my children had phones I prepped them on where to go in an emergency eg village shop, friends house, neighbour at end of road wfh so likely in. Im happy mine can cope without a phone but would expect them to be home at an agreed time - even if socialising after school and text to say they're home.

I’m 55 . Here are reasons it would have been useful to have a phone one the way home from secondary school in the 1990s:

I slipped and hurt my ankle. Turns out it was broken. I was about half a mile from home, managed to hobble, but it’s caused me trouble ever since.

Extra sports practice/rehearsal at short notice

Got on the bus going the wrong way coming back from prearranged visit to friend’s house

Going to a friend’s house

Going shopping with friends

Bus cancelled

Tube station fire on way back from music lesson (this actually happened, King’s Cross)

Rail crash at my station meant I was going to be really late for school (also happened, Clapham Junction, Dec 1988).
DM heard the news at work and was beside herself with worry not knowing if DSis and I were involved, she rang school and all they could tell her is “they’re not here”.

I only had about a mile walk home from school, but there where no phone boxes on the way home. The only one was at school I don't ever remember using it to let my parents know I was leaving. I would walk home in the dark in winter and it was through a park with woods.

I think we have become to depent on phones and think they makes us safe, when they really don't.

I think it’s ridiculous that schools actually scan the bags. Surely they can just have them in their bags while at school. I would not feel comfortable with my teens not having access to phones. I know we never used to have, but now we do so are used to it.

This is new legislation from the government and while the wording is that schools must prevent children from having access to smart phones while in school, implementing pouches and lockers is a huge cost to schools.

So I can understand why some schools have just outright banned them. Yes some schools have said dumb phones are fine and you could argue that that is really they way to go. But they would have to also police this.

Our school has gone with pouches and we do also have scans. DS school has gone with lockers, they also have scanners. These are like airport ones and would pick up anything metal then they will search bags.

And yes schools do have the right to search bags that's been around for some time.

Those saying "Well we managed without mobile phones 30 years ago" are being naive. This country is very different now. It's no longer a safe, high-trust society, especially for females but for males too. Take the Henry Nowak case. If he hadn't filmed his murder and the actions of the police, his poor parents would never have known the real circumstances.

Lone young women are a prime target for predatory males. It's getting beyond ridiculous now, so I would not accept this school rule. I'm a woman in my 60s ffs, and I've been approached twice in the last 12 months - once at a car boot sale (I was followed back to my car) and I filmed him once I was safe in my car, and recently in a supermarket while minding my own business. I filmed him too, in the car park approaching another woman. It's important to get images that may be useful if necessary.

The school is being unreasonable, and their rules will no doubt have to change. In the meantime I would take the advice of having a tracker and I would consider getting her a small digital camera to keep in her bag.

Actually violent crime is much lower than it used to be. It’s just that 30+ years ago we didn’t know about most of it. Violent crime peaked in the mid 1990s (right when I was going out as a teen without a phone)

I would ignore this rule and allow my children to have their phones in their bags, switched off. Kids can be a bit 'away with the fairies' and forgetful. Mine sometimes used to swan into town with their friends after school but forget to tell me.

I was born in the early 70's and know all about life without mobile phones but we are no longer living the the 1970/80's; this technology is part of everyday life. We are used to it, our children have grown up with it, and the mentality of time keeping and leaving a note on the kitchen counter to explain that you were 'at Jane's house, be home at 8' has altered because we are contactable by mobile phone.

We all have phones and we all need to learn that when we are at work (or at school), the phone is put away, on silent or only used for work stuff. I actually think that secondary school is a good time to start learning this discipline.

I think the secondary school my kids attended have had new phone lockers installed. The kids pop their phones in there before class and collect them at the end of the day, which I think it a really good solution to the problem of phones in classrooms and at break times.

exactly. I understand school controlling the use of smart phones on their premises. But they should allow a switched off nokia for emergency contact.

As a parent of DC who had to travel a long way to school, and were often at the mercy of cancelled trains on icy dark evenings, I would campaign for the right to have a dumb phone as a safety precaution.

Are they not allowed dumb phones?

You can give them an air tag or similar

I don't know what the brand is I'm afraid, but my DNiece and DNephew have watches that can send a message to their parents or even make a call in an emergency. They live in a small village and have much more physical freedom than my townie children. I'm not sure how that would work if your DD doesn't want to engage, but it might be worth a google.

I think the objective, is a culture change where kids having smartphones is no longer normalised and we roll back on designing a society that necessitates smart phone ownership. Like the smoking ban. At the time it seemed extreme and an infringement on some peoples rights. Fortunately the culture has now changed - it’s accepted by everyone how harmful smoking is.

We know how addictive smartphones are for us. I just find it hard to understand why people don’t think they are even more harmful for kids.

It's less about them being smartphones on this issue though. I think it's perfectly reasonable to want your kid to have a dumb phone for emergencies only. Especially a 2 mile walk. Sometimes things happen on the way, it's for the child and the adult's peace of mind.

Thanks for all these comments. I will double check if a brick phone switched off would be allowed - it seems likely I’ve misunderstood what the rules are as almost no schools have implemented a complete ban!

I’m over 60…we walked everywhere bc 2.5 miles to school at times when I was 7-8 with a slightly elder brother. Yep, there were more phone boxes. Yep, it was good for independance
BUT
there were times when having the ability to phone mum form where I was would have been a huge benefit and real use:

1. the time I was 12 and followed by a white van with builders hanging out commenting on size of my t&&s- and I was in school uniform. taking out a phone would have stopped them no doubt about it
2. the time a man followed me home all way from bus to house to “check I was ok (dark winter evening) as I shouldn’t be out alone especially pretty girl like me. I wasn’t pretty. And I was bloody terrified he was following me. Taking out a phone would have had my mum running down the road and giving random man a piece of her mind
3. the numerous times bus drivers refused my bus pass as I was outside of normal school bus times- leaving me to walk 3.5 miles and my parents beginning to panic . Having a phone would have sent dad out in car
4. the times a group of girls form school decided to bully me all the way home- ok not major bullying but a call to my mum would have stopped them

yep, I did cope with all these things and so many more. I remember them all. And the rape alarms I carried when older. It didn’t make me more mentally resilient. Like all women I avoided walking on my own in dark or through areas where my t&ts still attracted attention all my life till I became an invisible older women (and they dropped to my toes🤣).

Girls particularly don’t need to experience stress that is male sexual harassment and watch. It doesn’t make them mentally resilient. It teaches them men are shit and best avoided.

I absolutely agree to ban all homes in classrooms. But it is entirely unnecessary with some thought to ban the kids having them going to and from school. Dumb ones are fine.

ask how many of the women teaches at school would do a two mile walk without their phone, especially in n darker evenings?

DD’s school has never allowed phones (she’s in y11). There is some taking of phones and switching them off in the bottom of their bags, but she never has.

If they go round each other’s houses after school they all generally use the phone of the person whose house it is to text parents. When she was younger we had an agreed time she had to be back by which allowed time for a wander to the shops etc.

Saying that I might be more concerned if we lived rurally, or there was infrequent public transport. My understanding of the guidance is that dumb phones should be allowed as the rule is about smart phones.

I agree. It's weird how we all used to cope just fine without them and frankly probably did a lot more than we do now (health and safety gone crazy, kids more independent etc).

This isn't about your daughter having a phone. It's about accepting you won't be able to speak to her while she is travelling to school (about 40 minutes) and home.

I really despair at the false sense of security having a phone brings. God forbid any of these things happen but: If she was kidnapped for example, they would take or ditch her phone. If she was hit by a car she wouldn't be able to call you anyway. Identification would be in her bag presumably. If she was injured same as above.

This is about parents creating fears.

I’ve put an AirTag in my kids bag for this very reason. He’s only 12 though and big school, walking home, buses are all new to him.

It's not though. It's purely practical. For any number of reasons:

• purse lost no bus money
• Fell over and hurt themselves
• bullied on the way home
• lost their way
• met a friend and decided to go to theirs for an hour rather than come home
• had a bad day and need to offload something important.
• left bag at school need to go back and will be late

It's not just about fear but about making life easier on both parties in case things crop up.

I remember years back arranging to meet people out in public and waiting for hours, because we couldn't contact them and they'd missed their train / bus or were late.

It's just practical, hardly pure fear based.

Additionally, given your point about being kidnapped, the phone can ping the last known location, which gives vital clues.

Yes I said the same on an earlier post. I think brick phone bans generally throw the baby out with the bath water, although going phone-less in fairly safe situations does have benefits in terms of developing problem solving independent of parents. But as has been discussed, it depends on the circumstances and where the child is going on their own.

Gosh. My kids school(Scotland) banned phones during the school day last year with none of the drama that English schools have managed to conjure up. As for scanners, this is a ludicrous waste of public money. Do they have scanners for pupils carrying knives, this would seem to me to be a greater risk to life and limb than a bloody phone.