Teen dc long walk home and no longer has a phone

[HelpfulHelena]

Has your dc stopped taking their phone to school following the new rules introduced widely this term banning phones on school premises (not even at bottom of their bag) and how do you feel about it, particularly if they have a long walk, cycle, bus or train journey home?

My dc has a 2 mile walk each way, and is age 16 so often doesn’t come straight home. I’m struggling to adjust to the fact I can’t message her ( or track her if she doesn’t reply!) and she cannot let me know if she has trouble or decides to go to a friend’s house after school.

At least when I was at school I could phone from a phone box. Now she’s just out there, god knows where.

She was never obsessed with her phone, and only used it for utility purpose - so it’s especially tough. It’s okay right now but soon it will be dark as she’s getting home, and her walk is long and lonely. There’s no bus and I work so I can’t collect her.

Is anyone else finding the new rules make them more anxious about their teens in particular being alone in the big wide world?

2 miles is not a long walk.
You do know that people managed before mobile phones.

Tbf, although that is true (I had a similar walk), there were plenty of phone boxes back then, they were everywhere, that’s not the case today and I guess this is part of the worry.

AirTags only work if they bounce off other people’s phones. I think there are better trackers which are on all the time.

Is that really the rule, no phone at all? No lockers, or pouches?

They are airport type scanners, however at least our school recognizes that children do need phones for the journey so put policies in place to allow that to happen while still having a full ban within the school. Some other schools, for example the ops just banned completely.

I was just answering the question. Lots of schools are just doing a blanket phone ban, presumably as it’s easier to enforce.

My children did not have phone boxes on their route.
By the time my children were 14 they had mobile phones but when they started senior school they didn’t. They had a mile walk to the bus stop, a bus journey and then another mile walk. It builds resilience.

Having a phone won't keep her safe. If she has it, it can be stolen and she therefore has to find another way to contact you whilst under stress. If she were to be abducted, her phone would be chucked before they drove off. It also wouldn't protect from physical assault, and would probably be stolen in that scenario. You would be better off teaching her how to cope without it - make sure she knows your phone number by heart or has it written down in her school bag somewhere. She can then borrow a friend's phone to call you if she goes to their house, or can call you from a shop if her phone is stolen etc.

It's perfectly possible to walk home without a phone - we all did it. Hopefully this will break your unreasonable need to track your child.

While im absolutely delighted that schools are now banning smartphones (and jealous as in Scotland we are waaay behind), I’m not sure I get the rationale for no brick phones.

That said, I think the way you are talking and feeling, is part of why it may be beneficial. We have sleepwalked into a culture of building how we support kids, around parental anxiety, more than what’s good for kids. How do we help teens become resilient and independent, if mum is always at the end of a phone walking them through any unexpected issues? Think of all the things we did independently at 16. It’s really important for their mental health to be self sufficient. I believe our generation has steadily taken this from kids because of our fears. I do get it - my oldest is just going out alone - it’s terrifying, but I prepare her for the incremental bits of independence she gets, and find ways to manage my anxieties without putting them onto her.

there were plenty of phone boxes back then, they were everywhere, that’s not the case today and I guess this is part of the worry

As I recall they were mostly broken, stank of wee or you didn’t have change on you. I don’t remember ever using one even in the odd “mini crisis” situation like missing the last tube.

You set a time she has to be home, eg 5.30pm. That way if she is later than ‘usual’ home time, you know she’s with friends and expect her back then. If she’s back earlier, no problem.
if she goes to friend’s house, she can call.

Just like the old days…

or, Air tag as mentioned above, or smart watch.

Post edited by MNHQ to redact offensive term.
I know many of us did without and handled all kinds of stuff but I’m glad my kids have the option with them.
DC1 turned 16 in the hols and is in sixth form so phone rules don’t apply. She was walking home from school yesterday and was alone on the road apart from the man who called her a "p**i". He just walked on but I’m glad she had her phone so she could call if she wanted.

DC2 doesn’t like to break rules so left his home the first week but we agreed he would take it. He doesn’t take it out during the day and no one is searching.

How did I not think of this?? Thanks it is the easy and perfect solution.

I do know that a hidden dumb phone would work - but weirdly I have one of the few kids in the UK who doesn’t really want a phone - she hates SM and only uses her phone for limited purposes. So she has grabbed the opportunity to pretend her phone doesn’t exist at all! I appreciate this is a relatively eccentric behaviour for her generation, that’s why I wondered if other people had kids who were absolutely against hiding phones and quite enjoying the freedom, whilst mum at home is worrying where the heck they might be.

I feel like I’m in a land of new rules and curfews!

Thankfully my DDs school have not gone this far, yet! But if they do I will be telling them where to shove it. I fully support schools not wanting phones out on school premises but dictating that children can not carry them out of school NO.

buy her a faraday pouch and keep her phone hidden in the bottom of her bag at school.

Does your school overstep in other ways too?
Schools tend to recognise that banning phones completely e.g. even a brick phone at the bottom of a bag for a commute is an unrealistic overstep which will also alienate parents. Many parents will understandably be concerned that they or their child have no means to contact each other off school premises should they need to.

An AirTag only works if it is near other devices.

I hear you though OP. Mill Hill County High is one of the few schools banning brick phones too. The school is a signatory on the smartphone free childhood campaign, a campaign which explicitly states to use a brick phone if you need to contact your child to/from school. They signed but then conveniently ignored that key detail.

I haven’t met a single parent at the school who thinks it’s a good idea. The school monitor offsite too in case a child uses a phone after school, which has an unpleasantly petty rules for the sake of rules air about it.

It's not a joke no. But you're right there's barely any left. I only said it as OP seemed desperately uncomfortable with the kid not having access to a phone. There is one a couple mins from my house but literally all the others have been either removed or changed to defib. The rest of my post was saying everyone managed fine before so why the bother?

What a smart kid she is. You should respect her wishes. My DD has told me if I tried to track her (which I never would), she would throw it away! Like your DD, she is wise and knows it’s unhealthy.

Are they allowed a non smart phone?

PMR446 walkie talkies are license free and cheap. Give one to your DC and keep one yourself.

A school not far from me has already had to reverse because a child was stranded and unable to get home. They now hand them in if parents want them to bring a phone for the commute.

I think you should also complain to the school about their interpretation of the rules. Banning phones entirely does cause issues after school, due to how society is organised now. Other schools are interpreting the rules differently - using pouches, or allowing phones switched off in bags - so your school is making a choice.

It's fine to politely explain to school their interpretation of the rules causes issues.

Yes this feels inevitable. Can't understand how the total bans will last.

Apparently the police are involved because there is some safguarding issue to do with the school not knowing where the child was after school. They didn't know if he was still on the premises in a club or detention and could not tell them when or if he left the school. It happened this Monday so I won't be surprised if it hits the media in some way soon

if parents want them to bring a phone for the commute it is this aspect that makes outright bans unsustainable - a school that bans outright is impacting family rights outside school.

An air tag only works if there's iPhones around to ping off, you said the walk was lonely so if there's not lots of other people around it's not going to be updating regularly. A real-time GPS tracker might be a better option so you can actually see her moving.