Think child is faking illness at school- advice?

[stripeybe]

My DD (9) has been sent home three times in the last 7ish weeks for being sick at school. Each time it’s been around 2:30pm, the days of the week have varied. DD loves school, is adamant that she has been sick (no one has seen her or heard her but I guess that’s not too uncommon?). I’ve tried and tried to see if she’s being bullied or similar and she keeps saying no. She has lots of friends and is doing well at school otherwise. Obviously when she’s been sick she has to stay off for 48 hours, which she’s always upset about and moans that she wants to go.

The thing is, there is a sickness bug at the school right now, so it is plausible that the was. But, every time she’s come home she’s been 100% fine, eating/drinking normally, jumping around, playing etc. Never been sick after or have an upset tummy, she’s been totally fine every time. Always has a normal appetite, even yesterday wanted dinner and dessert. What do I do? I’ve tried talking to her from every angle I can think of and I’m getting nowhere. Dh and I really don’t think she’s been sick, I’d hate to actually say that to her because I know how upsetting it can be to not be believed as a child but even coming home yesterday she was chatting animatedly and seemed well.

So there are a number of possibilities here.

some children genuinely are sick very easily.

eat too much plus cough a bit and they are sick.

at 9 she’ll know the rules about sickness and (probably) want to stick to them.

maybe try talking to her a bit about what she is eating at lunchtime and what and how she is playing afterwards.

one of mine was reliably sick if she ate a meal and then played on monkey bars or similar.

Some kids say they've been sick but actually what they mean is they've coughed up loads of saliva or a little bit has come up and they've had to spit it in the loo or a tissue.
One of my dc was a super easy gagger and would spit up after meals but also was quite anxious - he would "be sick" and feel ill/spit up if he saw something he thought was dirty or unpleasant. He'd then be telling the teacher he'd vomited and have to go home!
I had to work with him to reframe it as spit and also sometimes gave him gaviscon.. he grew out of it. Interestingly he was my DC with silent reflux when little

Speak to the school dnf ask if they saw the sick

Mine also had reflux so a bit of saliva to him was sick....

Does it only happen at school? I'd talk to the school and tell them that she seems fine once you pick her up. See if there is a pattern to it, for example before there is a particular lesson.

think the asking what type of sick is good idea.. if it’s a sicky burp might just be miscommunication. Other than that I’m old school, but personally if child sent home sick it would be plain food, no pudding and quiet time reading etc. I’d explain that if someone is sick then need to recover and don’t want to upset their tummy further. If there’s no reward for going home she might tell if there’s anything underlying so you can sort it out

My daughter is 3 but whenever there’s a sick bug going round she genuinely is just sick once and then carries on, and it’s definitely a sick bug because a lot of the time I then go on to get it and am completely wiped out and throwing up all day! This has happened 3 times so far where she’s been sick once and I’ve had a full blown 24 hour bug. She’s quite lucky 😂 I suppose you would know though if this could be the case

If you think that there's a possibility your daughter isn't actually being sick, then you need to speak to the school.

Often children will say they've been sick, and it was saliva or a sicky burp. At 9, your daughter will be well aware that if a child is sick, they'll be sent home. So yes, it's a good excuse, especially if no one is actually seeing her being sick.

If it happens again, I think you need to treat your daughter as if she is unwell. After all a child who has been sick, should be eating plain food, dessert would be far too much for a poorly tummy and no TV etc, just a book to read on the sofa! You need to make coming home less appealing!

Could it be an indigestion/acid burp? Food/ drink/ play can lead to it.

I would put her in bed. No Ipad. No entertainment. She is sick.

Have a word with school, my son had similar, apart from he was seen being sick, he was getting taught about the Plague.. which was causing him high anxiety, he was making himself physically sick, so he would get sent home from school,
Once he was home, he was fine and his normal self, I looked at ways to distract him and calm him before school, but it didn't work, he didn't finally settle, until they stopped teaching the Plague, he has since continued struggling with anxiety
We got little to no support from the doctor, his school helped as much as they could, but I was flying blind.. we found out 10 years later that he is autistic.( I aren't saying this is your daughters case, ) But I would ask, what she is getting taught and how she is setting in.

If it’s always at the same time can you work out what’s happening at that time?

We had a run of weeks where one of mine was sick at the same time on various days. Took 6 weeks of it before DD herself (she was 7 at the time) said she wished Mrs Y from the playground wouldn’t play the star jump game as every time she played that DD was later sick.

Turned out they were doing star jumps right after lunch and then going into a stiflingly warm classroom (as her teacher that year closed all windows before lunch) just made her vomit.

We, have a general rule, if you're off school sick. It's not a holiday. So your home to rest, no treats, no gaming ect.

You haven't added anything new to her diet have you? When my son had this pattern it was a food allergy (one he'd had as a toddler and grown out of returned). When I was a kid if I ate a Quorn burger I'd be sick a couple of hours later then fine afterwards.
I'd look for a pattern - if you can identify a trigger you can hopefully avoid, or school might wave the 48 hour quarantine.

This is quite normal for toddlers in my experience, it goes through them much, much faster!

Op, if she is going to the toilet and being sick, is she telling staff she feels sick before she goes?

230 is an odd time. If it was 130 I would suggest it's lunch that hasn't settled after playing etc. from what you've said, it doesn't sound like she wants to be off or is faking it. It sounds more like reflux. I would start keeping a food diary to see if there's a pattern.

This ^^ if my kids are “ill” and are sent home from school or have the day off they are sent back to bed with no tech, not going out with their friends etc, if they are actually ill they should be in bed resting anyway and if they aren’t and pulling the wool over my eyes they get bored/ annoyed, my kids now only ask for the day off if they are actually ill and want to spend the day in bed resting.

My son used to wolf his dinner down, go right out to play then once he sat down and settles he was occasionally sick.

If you’re genuinely ill, why on earth are they allowed a book but no TV? That’s ridiculous

Agreed....

Also, let's not try to get to the root cause of her not wanting to be in school. Just make it harder for her. Sure, sure.

Next time she does it. Put her to bed. No tv, no food, no tablet/phone etc until the next morning. I know it’s not necessary true that kids have to lay in bed if they are sick but it’s not an unreasonable ask either. When kids are really sick they want to sleep and stay in bed and don’t eat. She can go one evening and overnight not eating without starving. Then she knows that sick means sick and not a free pass to come home early etc. that would be my advice if you genuinely do believe she is not sick at all and is doing it just to come home. I’m not advising that if there is a mental heath reason she’s doing it, for example anxiety or bullying. Or maybe she has a sickness phobia and when other children are sick at school it triggers an anxiety in her that feels like sick.

every time she’s come home she’s been 100% fine, jumping around, playing

Well I wouldn’t have that if I suspected she was lying, she’d be in bed resting.

But it would be an odd thing to lie about - does she normally go to an after school club, or is she only leaving school ~45 mins early because of this? Doesn’t really seem worth it for that. Is there possibly something she’s eating that she’s maybe not massively allergic to but a bit sensitive to?

I'd start by asking her what she was doing before she was sick, whether she felt ill beforehand (did she have a 'funny tummy', did she get a strange taste in her mouth, did she feel a bit hot and cold, etc?), what the sick looked like and how much there was. That might give you a clue as to whether she's actually vomiting.

I would also talk to the school, and ask that if there's a 'next time', she must show the teacher before she flushes the toilet. Tell her that next time she needs to show the teacher.

It might be my experiences of raising children with ASD (and I'm not suggesting that your DD has it) and having been a nurse, but it's amazing how differently people interpret words which seem very, very basic, even in adulthood. One of my children genuinely thought that 'being sick' meant feeling a sick feeling, rather than vomiting. Once I asked what colour it was they looked baffled.

I get the starting point of “she’s off school sick, she needs to stay in bed etc” but vomiting is unusual in that a) you can vomit for a plethora of reasons, many of which won’t make you feel unwell (in fact you can often feel better once you’ve vomited) and b) after vomiting there is an automatic 48h exclusion regardless of how well you feel.

Perhaps suggest to her that if she’s vomiting regularly like this and missing school (which she said she doesn’t want to do) it’s important you get to the bottom of why, talk through the rhythm of the days when she does vomit and when she doesn’t, what she had for lunch on those days, what she had been doing just before. That you might need to take her to the GP if it keeps happening and you can’t identify a cause. If there is something like bullying and she won’t tell you there isn’t much you can do other than make sure she feels comfortable talking to you. And talking to the school is sensible, whether she is or she isn’t actually vomiting - either way, they might be part of working out the why.

Agree find out what type of sick

a sicky burp or a bit of cough and Salvia isn’t sick iyswim

agree make home boring for those 2 days. In bed. No tv or iPad or phone etc

and maybe to call a teacher and show the sick before flushing as sounds like isn’t being actually sick

It’s probably old school but when I was sick as a child I HAD to stay in bed that day and was only allowed plain toast for dinner. If I was genuinely sick that’s all I wanted anyway. But the one time I faked it I was bored and hungry so never did it again 😂