Will try to keep this brief, bear with me. Been with my partner 3 years. He’d been seperated 6 months. He has 2 kids, I have 1. His ex is very high conflict. She has been extremely derogatory/nasty about me to the kids since day 1 which has resulted in them not really wanting anything to do with me. We moved in together last year. They are civil enough however they are allowed to do what they like at home & he previously also allowed this so it’s very difficult when they’re here as I have my child to consider. Eldest won’t be left alone with me at any time.
partner is either working or has the kids. He has them all of his days off which is 3 nights/4 days at a time and another night a few days later giving her a lot of free time. She doesn’t share any pick ups or drop offs at all. We both work shifts. Getting any time together has to be planned out using time off from work. She also has a new partner the kids seem ok with as they don’t have anyone in their ear bad mouthing them .
he recently proposed a couple of changes to drop offs for the kids to try make things easier for them & him to be honest but she said absolutely not. Lots of back/forward, her suggesting she’d just keep them through the week now & he could do weekends knowing he works a lot of weekends so that doesn’t work. He said he would also drop the extra night he has them to give them more time at home then but she said only if he’ll still have them any Saturday nights as clearly she wants to be able to go out. So yet again no agreement.
im finding things very hard just now. Feeling uncomfortable in my own home when they're here due to awkward relationship, absolutely no boundaries, house ends up in chaos/a mess and how she just seems to have final say/control over everything clearly wanting to continue to ensure any spare time he has is taken up with kids?? I genuinely have huge moments of regret now that it’s too much.
anyone been through this, any advice or thoughts? Very much appreciated