Do multiple birthday gifts make children expect more as they grow?

[JasminB]

Hello - I am a mum of 2 boys aged 5 and 3 in London. I am keen to raise well grounded boys. I have noticed that an older nephew (11 years old) became almost entitled to expensive / multiple gifts during special occasions like a birthday or christmas. I am wondering whether that was a result of multiple years of receiving a lot of gifts at each occasion as opposed to one meaningful one. What do you think about birthdays, do you recommend the usual multiple gifts or rather 1 single (or during parties, using a birthday pot or equivalent)? On one side it is a big joy for them to open the gifts, but on the other side, gifts can me redundant or unwanted?

Just do it! Who cares what people think, if they don't want to do it they don't have to. Personally I much prefer things like that. A bit like when people for their wedding have a honeymoon fund that I can donate to, rather than having to try and find a present.
Me, ex and grandparents have started to go all in for main presents as they have got older. We don't necessarily do equal amounts as I don't see the need to specify anyway (it's me that pays the most, I'll just ask that instead of buying them something they just contribute what they would have spent on the main present from all of us).

Realistically you're not throwing a class party every year for the whole of their childhood so they only get 25/30 gifts from friends once or twice

we do

I don’t think either of my children have ever counted the presents and done a Dudley Dursley strop though!

They know they have a nice lifestyle that their friends do not have. They appreciate it and they see how hard we’ve worked to give them the nice things they enjoy.

Ouch. Who is to say what makes a “nice lifestyle” for kids? Many would rather live in a not so nice house but have their mum home after school and do all the drop offs than a 5 bed detached and holidays every year plus breakfast and after school club or a nanny.

What about kids who also see their parents working hard but who don’t have the same earning potential or the single parents or low earners? You think your kids see hard work equates money and excess? But aren’t spoilt or privileged? Sounds like a prime example of privilege tbh.

Kids aren’t spoilt by amounts of presents or high value items. Not if they have respectful relationships and value themselves and others.

I love Christmas and giving gifts. My children have had piles of presents some years and less other years. But always have amazing times as they’re not spoilt. I know them so I know what they love and they’ve never once said anything ungrateful in the years they got less.

In fact one year dd got a big present which is a luxury item- she was actually overwhelmed and got upset as she didn’t want people to think she was spoilt. Bless her. We are lucky to have the ability to have a good lifestyle but we have made sacrifices also over the years to ensure connection is prioritised which has meant periods of being a SAHM or cutting down on work which has meant less foreign holidays etc but being around for the kids are certain times has taken priority eg when starting high school and being able to support a part time timetable…

Spoilt is when kids are disconnected from their loved ones and have no respect for themselves or others and think things are and status is important and want more and more. This isn’t from how many gifts they get twice a year- it’s about how they’re communicated with and connected with the other 363 days a year.