Feeling overwhelmed with my 9 week old and needing reassurance

[Lilbonbon]

My DS is 9 weeks old today, I know he is so fresh and still adjusting to the world and I'm trying to be patient with him but I'm really struggling now with lack of sleep and feeling like I have no clue what I'm doing.

For context neither me nor DH have mothers, and I just don't feel like there's anyone I can truly ask for advice.

DH works 6 days a week and I'm home alone in a rural area with no car and no childcare and a 9 week old who.the internet said would be transferred after the 6-8 week fussy stage.

He will only contact nap, doesn't sleep quietly at night and is so fussy at the moment.

I don't really know what to do with him when he's awake, we do floor time and tummy time and sing songs, but is that enough?

On top of it all I've stsrted my period again but it's weird and light and I'm EBF day and night so.just super confused.

DH is incredible and supports me so well, but we really have no one, and i worry about him burning out.

I would appreciated any hope, any advice, and sleep tips that anyone has to offer.

Gratefuly,
A 23yr old first time mum.who desperately wants to get it right but feels overwhelmed.

Online community might be helpful the peanut is a great app, can chat away to other mums.and may find more on the island, unless its that small you really know everyone lol. I'm in Central Scotland rural and thought I had it rough, a tiny island is harder!

You’re doing amazing. Anyone would go crazy in that set up (6 days alone with no car I mean!) but it’s great you’ve got a plan and way forward with the car. That will help loads. Walking is great and fresh air. Can you reach out to the other 2 mums of babies and suggest a coffee or beach trip or whatever? They might be feeling similar.

can you get baby on the beach a bit, feeling some sand and water. Maybe to a library if there is one?

FWIW I didn’t have a car 3 days a week. But I had people visit on one of those days, and I got out as much as I could the days I had a car, and I was still SO lonely. You’re doing amazing with what you have, and it’s great for you both to enjoy a lovely outdoors and active lifestyle. That’s great for sensory input for baby too

You're doing great. Little man sounds like your very typical 9 week old (ignore the books and stories of babies sleep 12 hours straight overnight at 6 weeks old!). If you do have an options to hook up with anyone that might help but I think also just accepting that you are and what you are doing is enough.

My oldest child is 40 now(!) but I look back on my early days of being a mum as one of the loneliest and hardest times of my life, even though my DD was much wanted and loved. We lived in a rural village and I used to go for walks round the village. We only had one car too but I used to take my husband to work one day a week so I could use the car during the day so I don’t know if that’s an option for you? I found it a lot easier as my DD got older and started to move around and chatter. Talk to your health visitor as mine introduced me to another lady I didn’t know before and we became good friends. Don’t be disheartened as it sounds as though you are doing really well.

My children are all grown up now, but I still remember the loneliness and isolation I felt with my first baby boy. I lived in a village in Derbyshire with a bus service so not nearly as remote as you. I must admit, island life sounds idyllic and your son is going to have an amazing childhood!! Don’t be too hard on yourself, being a mum is a tough job and babies don’t come with a user manual. Congratulations!

How far away are your neighbours? It doesn’t only need to be young mums who can support you. I bet there are some older women nearby who would be delighted to meet for a cup of tea and a chat. Just ask them, it isn’t failure to want some company.
My parents had 20 years between the eldest and youngest child, I know my DM supported many young mothers.

Aww it can be very isolating at first. I was in a similar situation to you and DH worked away a lot as well.

I’d perhaps mention to the health visitor you’d like to go to a mums group but can’t at the moment due to car issues - mine organised for me to get a lift with one of the other mums who lived nearby to the first few mum and baby meet ups in our area because I’d had a c section and didn’t have any family nearby to drive me. We ended up becoming friendly and went for walks regularly and to each others houses for coffee. You could also ask the other mums who’ve had babies in the village if they fancy coming to yours for coffee so the babies can “play”. It’s really important to have some similar aged womens who’ve had babies in recent years around you to chat to, when it’s your first you worry about everything and it can really help. Is there a church in the village, even if you’re not religious they are usually very welcoming and have some things on during the week.

it does get easier but in the meantime enjoy spending time with your little baby and it’s good your getting out for walks.

It’s a long time ago now but I remember feeling a bit lost with my first. I bought this book and it really helped give me and my new baby structure and stopped me feeling so rudderless.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Whisperer-Solves-Your-Problems-ebook/dp/B007Q282V4/ref=books_amazonstores_mobile_mfs_author_smart_catalog_1?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=TpBVb&content-id=amzn1.sym.0e2b9d23-6449-4d02-a5fb-5094f8f22d9e&pf_rd_p=0e2b9d23-6449-4d02-a5fb-5094f8f22d9e&pf_rd_r=523-7477363-8246463&pd_rd_wg=dSE3t&pd_rd_r=c902729f-edbb-4a56-b6d3-066e7b9685a6

It's OK to feel bewildered at this stage. Please phone your Health Visitor ( if they still exist) you need to find other young mums in your area. I found local churches ran mother's groups in my area. The best way is : Get up get dressed, go out searching for other mums. Go to places that you heard of mother's groups. The trick is to find someone you CLICK with, then you get to meet all her friends, job done. But make the effort every morning to get out. Take ,nappies and bottles with you, just in case. Keep searching till you find that certain group or person who will ease your burden.
B. T. W. Some babies dont sleep much unless they're stuck like glue to mum. Try it next to me cot.

I agree about not necessarily connecting with young mums, but just people - especially people who have been parents of any age.

Some older people are very lonely and sharing a cup of tea with a baby on your lap might make their day and save your sanity! Could that be part of your daily walk?

First and foremost, I’d say don’t stress over the small things and be kind to yourself. You’re doing a huge job, and it’s completely normal to feel exhausted and overwhelmed at times.
At this age babies mainly need frequent feeds, nappy changes, plenty of sleep and some simple interaction- talking /singing to them, cuddling, patting, giving them a gentle massage. You don’t need to constantly entertain them.

The sleepless nights are probably the most exhausting part, but hang in there a little longer. It can feel like it will last forever, but things do gradually get easier and many babies start sleeping better around 3-4 months.
Take your partner’s help with cleaning and other household jobs. If you have to prioritise something, I’d say focus on getting food prepared rather than keeping the house perfectly tidy. You can also watch some recipe videos for easy, nutritious soups and other simple meals.

And don’t forget yourself, even a warm shower can make you feel better. Eat properly, keep yourself hydrated, take your postnatal vitamins, and try to have a nap during the day when you can.
Get out for a walk with your baby, even if it’s just for a short while. Join a mum and babies group, even going once every couple of weeks can give you a change of routine and a chance to meet other mums.

Most importantly, remember that this stage really does pass. When you’re in the middle of sleepless nights and endless feeds, it can feel like it will last forever, but it won’t. Try to relax, take each day as it comes, and enjoy this special time with your baby as much as you can.

Love this

You are such an impressive person and doing so well! I had lots of people around and lots of groups to go to etc and I still felt totally overwhelmed. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and when you have car access you will be able to get out and about a bit more. Do you know the mums of the other babies and/or some older people in the village? Perhaps you could have a coffee morning or something like that and get a couple of different generations involved. Good luck and congratulations!

At that age, I did A LOT of walking with the buggy for my sanity. Whilst he slept, I was able to sit in the park/cafe and get some peace and quiet. I also listened to talk radio (LBC) for the company. Shelagh Fogerty is calming 1-4pm. Are there any buses near you to get to town?

Also, could you set up your own coffee morning group if you advertise on Facebook?

I felt really similar..I shifted my mind set when reading online stuff from …' should do this...' to gradually working towards.... ' I found its in step forward then 2 steps back so just go with the flow. Of you have a contact napper have you looked at a sling to carry little one.. I live rurally and spent the first 6 months doing really long winter walks with baby in a sling ... Took them out to feed and change , talked to them if they were awake and they also managed lots of good sleeps! Look on Facebook for UK baby wearing for some helpful advise on slings.

Hello! Fellow Scot here who grew up in the Highlands so can very much relate. I just had my second baby - the best advice I could give you is to not ignore what the internet says and keep that baby close. Neither of my babies wanted to sleep away from me or in a cot and I spent so much of my time with my first feeling frustrated I couldn't put her down. With my second, I fully submitted, and enjoyed the contact naps while watching plenty of Netflix, or even snoozing myself.

At this age, you don't need to fret about entertaining them - just go about your day. They're absorbing everything - from you doing the washing to getting ready, everything is stimulus for them. A carrier is fab for getting and about. For me it felt crucial to get out for some fresh air and a coffee every day - appreciate you don't have loads on your door step but just a short stroll can make a world of difference. Do you have BookBug near you in a library? We loved BookBug!

Think about yourself as much as your baby. Do things that you enjoy and take them along for the ride!

Hi!!

Also live rurally but have access to a car and a baby a few weeks older. Honestly I wouldn’t have managed and would have gone mad without the car, I’d see if there’s a way you can borrow or afford one?

Does your council have a family hub? They generally support groups or activities, be worth contacting them as they are often “outreach” sessions. I’m currently doing a baby massage course which is held in our local school and there’s only 3 of us on the course.

Have a look on FB for any mums groups covering your area even if it’s for buying and selling stuff and post on there.

Also look up Blaze Trails and see if there’s a group covering your area.

One bit of advice, you mention after work been when your friends are available and that’s also babies bedtime. Honestly at 9 weeks old I’d sack off having an early bedtime. Especially if you’re EBF and can just feed out and about. Just take your baby with you to see friends in the evening, whether in the pram or carrier they will tend to just settle on you. Also may sleep more after having some time out in the evening.

Good Luck!!

Do you know the other Mums? Could you invite them to your house? Maybe have an at home Mums and Tots?
I think being on your own all the time with a new baby is tricky but my advice would be just to go about your life - babies at this age just need to be with you, warm and fed. Talk out loud as you do things so baby hears your voice. Wrap up warm and go out for a walk everyday. You're doing just fine.
Transferring to sleep whilst napping is not a universal thing! My DD was a light sleeper and always woke. I just had to hold her until she was a bit older and slightly more amenable.

Tiny babies are cute. They're also boring, frustrating, and relentless. It's not you.

Mine didn't like being babies, so didn't sleep, fussed constantly until they were toddlers, and it was nothing like it said it would be in the books. Getting out of the house is always a good idea, as is clearing your expectations. I think eyeballing another human that's not your DH is very necessary, can you get in touch with the two other baby having mums, or even someone with older kids and tell them you're going out of your mind?

They will understand, you're absolutely not meant to be doing this in isolation, so the fact that it feels weird is very very normal.

You are doing great! It is hard and confusing, there's no manual. I would say at this age, babies don't care. Don't worry about them so long as they're fed, cuddled, loved and clean - what youre doing is plenty. However, I felt much happier if I did something each day, e.g. a baby group, a walk or a trip to the shop so even if its a stroll its worth hetting out for your own mental health. Also at this age you can watch your fave tv shows or films and do you stuff whilst you hold them (you won't be able to when they're older) so take advantage! I wouldn't worry about contact naps right now, I'd go with the baby and enjoy the snuggles (not everyone would say that but it worked for us). Fighting over a cot just adds stress to me and you've all the time in the world to transition later. You'll be fab, if you can find a way to meet people then do try, but for you, don't worry about your baby, they're happy with you and getting what they need.

Hi! Just to say it’s totally normal for your 9 week old to be like this. My now 7 mo only slept on my chest for naps AND night sleep until just over 5 months. It’s really tough but it’s biologically normal.

like you, we also live in a very rural area and it can be very isolating. But saying that, having a small completely dependent baby is isolating even if you were in the middle of London because of how much they need you. It’s definitely a lifestyle change that will take sometime adjusting to but I promise it gets better!

you’re absolutely in the THICK of if right now. I remember 9 weeks being relentless. He wouldn’t be put down anywhere.

do you have a sling or baby carrier that you could put him in and go for a walk? I found that even a walk down the path would make me feel a little better.

hang in there - for me, things got ‘better’ from 4 months when he would enjoy his play Matt whilst I grabbed a coffee. It’s small luxuries at first - maybe even just 10 mins but now at 7 months I can leave him to entertain himself for a good 20 mins!

Hey OP I have a 5 week old it’s rough going isn’t it ❤️ if you struggling to know what’s normal etc you can always ring the health visiting team for advice and support and ask them what’s available in your area that you can access as you don’t drive etc. it is so hard ! Make some mum mates on Facebook / peanut even if you can’t get anywhere yet. Where I live all the groups are between 9-12 and due to little one feeding in the morning three times (breastfed) I can’t leave the house before 11 to get to any groups myself 😂
just to let you know it won’t be forever, your doing the most important job in the world right now which is being his mum and being present and keeping him safe loved and fed ❤️❤️ do you have any other friends or family who can come and see you or take you out for an hour or two? Xx

Unpopular opinion on here but reach out to your health visitor and either they will visit or you attend clinic. Also there will be a children’s centre in your area. They will have welcome sessions you need to link into services rather than they come to you. Hope that helps