Having only one child

[purplesox22]

Hi everyone. My partner and I have been discussing having kids and we’ve both come to the conclusion that we think we’d only like to have one child. I was just wondering about people’s experience having only one child? Obviously we may change our minds in the future, but this is how we feel atm

I only have one child and it seems a lot easier than having multiple - eg ferrying around to parties and hobbies, costs, space in the house, getting ready to go out etc. Not sure that's much help! I guess she sometimes gets a bit lonely on holiday etc but she's great at making her own entertainment. When she was younger she nagged for a sibling but for the past couple of years she's said she's glad she doesn't have one because all her friends siblings are annoying!

Being an only child, whilst growing up with cousins who all had siblings, is why I have multiple DC.

I’m sure she’ll change her mind when she’s older and grown up and wished she had adult siblings

One works for us (and her!) so far. DD is 11 and has never asked for a sibling, it probably helps that her bestie and close friends are either only children or children of 2nd marriages so have s significant age gap to half/step siblings.
I have one sibling, DH has two, everyone is affable enough, no one is close. My sibling made my life hell during childhood so contact has been minimal for many years. In many ways it would have been easier to deal with a parental death without having to navigate that relationship and all the shit it dragged up.
Just to provide a counterpoint to the “ they’ll miss having siblings when they’re older” narrative.

DH and I are aligned on only having one child. Both of my nephews are onlies, as is DH. It seems to be the best of both worlds for getting to experience parenthood and retaining a semblance of one’s life/identity. We also live in one of the most expensive cities in the world and would want to give a child the best life possible.

We have one child who is now 18 years old. We knew we could provide for her and have a good quality of life. We have no regrets. We did make sure she was well socialised and not a brat! She often sees her cousin an only child about the same age they get on very well.
Im extra glad now as there is no way we could affford 2 kids at uni.

That’s a really shitty thing to say.

Why are you “sure”? As a 38yo only child with an only child myself, it’s literally never occurred to me to wish I had siblings.

I have an only child who also has no cousins and never will have any.

It really isn’t something that ever concerns us. We have built a fantastic social life for our DC with a wide range of other children.

I never wanted another DC.

We’re also one and done which was always our intention. Semi planned and part luck DS has a cousin 3 months older who is also an only so although they’re not siblings they will have each other in future. We still get our own time time as we’re not ferrying multiple children round all the time and we can also balance our careers without feeling guilty.

Oooof. I have three children but this seems a bit harsh, particularly if this poster may have had secondary infertility or something. I know someone desperate for a sibling for their child who would be upset at reading this.

OP you’re going to get a mixed bag of responses as there’s obviously pros and cons to both! I have 3 under 5 so it’s complete chaos and I do feel if I only had one I could dedicate myself wholly to them and be a better, calmer mother overall! I know someone who decided to have one child and they really invest in him, putting him into private school etc that they couldn’t afford to do if he had siblings.

We personally do love the chaos though even though we never get a break but they are hilarious and we’re never short of hugs. They also have each other to play with and entertain so I rarely get asked to take part in role play anymore which is a great benefit imo to multiples 🤣 I’d have one and see how you feel from there!

Oh get off this thread. Appalling response

We have one child. Last minute surprise!

OP I assume you don’t have one yet but honestly I’d say crack on with having one and see how you feel. We have one who’s nearly 2, always thought we might only have one and currently no plans for another. But I don’t see why you need to decide at this stage. We just have no desire for another baby right now. But open to see how we feel in the next year or two.

Ha, my cousins and all their siblings are a big part of why although I loved being an only child, I have zero children - helping with them gave me a very early insight into how relentless parenting is 🙈

See how your husband/partner steps up as a parent.

That may make the decision for you.

It did for me. But I’m very grateful to have one. We have lots of fun, and I feel like I can give him all of me (which at this point is exhausting enough 😂)

Lovely thanks, such a positive reply to my reflections.

I actually think that's a horrible thing to say to a very valid point from that poster.

As an only, I really wish I had siblings now I am an adult. Yes you'll get people saying how they hate their brother etc, but that's the exception not the rule, most of my friends are close and greatly benefit from the relationships and support they have from having siblings. And their children having cousins.

I think, also, it's quite important for the OP to listen to the onlies on this thread, and weigh up their contrasting views, and not the people who have decided to have one child and are telling OP how marvelous that child must find it. They have no clue. My mother would tell you what a wonderful childhood I had and all the benefits of being an only. I didn't ask for a sibling either. Didn't mean I wasn't desperate for one.

As I said up thread, it's the reason I have many DC. And there are some other onlies who truly liked being an only. Listen to them, and hear why it was important and beneficial to them.

This.

Onlies are going to be the norm one day i think, due to COL, with much more people opting for no children at all.

There are parents whose personal circumstances dictate they can’t have more than one, are they supposed to feel shitty about it? Or make the best of what they have? Is the child entitled to resent it as they grow older?

Plus having one is environmentally responsible.

There are actually better reasons to just have one child from a financial, (the financial ramifications are a HUGE factor) time, health impacts, environmental perspective, all sorts of things.

You might have more than one because you had a desire to do so or a myriad of other factors. But doing so purely to give your child a sibling when they’re a bit older or so they ‘have someone’ when their parents are no longer around is one of the worst reasons out there. Most siblings do rub along pretty well together due to shared childhood experiences. Some are very close, but many are simply indifferent and get on with their own lives.

I am an only. My parents were both onlies. That informed my view that we should have more than one. It was quite unusual when I was growing up but not so now.

It used to concern me grwatly that when my parents were gone, I'd have no relatives and also that I would be solely responsible for elder care.

However DH has two sisters. They aren't very nice and they do bugger all to care for their mother. One didn't even bother to attend her father's funeral because a long journey for a short trip wohld be too stressful. DH does all the caring for his mum and has for 20 years. They don't bother with birthday or christmas cards, etc.

My views have therefore changed. Sibs aren't always a positive.

I’m one of 4 but two siblings are much older and I’m a twin so have a different dynamic. One of my elder siblings resented my mother “starting a new life” when they were 17 whereas the other I’m closer to than my twin sister as we are more alike in personality.

I have 2 children (plus a bonus child with partner who has SEN) but all 3 are close in age and generally get on well. I do make sure I spend time with each one on one though. I have a huge family however and it’s the norm to me to have millions of cousins/aunties/uncles etc.

also wait and see how you feel after one! I had 2 under 2 (not planned) but it is easier them being close in age!

there is no right or wrong answer, each child is a blessing.

OP this is an impossible question.

I know only children who absolutely hated it and I know only children that loved being an only child.

Experiences are personal and based on a lot of factors like if the child finds it easy to make friends or if they like being on their own.

I know siblings that are the best of friends and I know siblings that tolerate each other at best.

Do what you think is best for your family.

The only thing I have ever seen that makes this a bit different is when parents gwt okder. A lot of only children say they wish they had someone to share the load/burden. And when parents pass the loneliness seems bigger aA their immediate family is gone.

It’s amazing. Would highly recommend.

Watching my two (now young adults) grow, interact and experience going through the childhood years and experiences together has been the single best part of parenting. I would never just have one given the choice.
And I any this as someone who is NC with my brother.