Having only one child

[purplesox22]

Hi everyone. My partner and I have been discussing having kids and we’ve both come to the conclusion that we think we’d only like to have one child. I was just wondering about people’s experience having only one child? Obviously we may change our minds in the future, but this is how we feel atm

I won’t get off this thread simply because we have different opinions- deal with it.

Sure kids argue with their siblings and get annoyed at each other but when you’re adults, most will be glad to have a brother/sister. I know I am and plenty of adult friends in my circle. It’s hard making friends as you get older but your adult siblings will (mostly) be by your side despite normal responsibilities.

You'll always get mixed reviews on here around this topic.
It's sometimes personal choice, sometimes situations out if our control but either way the decision will lie with you OP despite all the comments on here.

For me. My preference would always be a sibling over the cost of sending 2 to uni etc. (Who's to say they'll go to uni anyway).
The pleasures of a bigger family outweigh the negatives in my opinion - but that's just me.
X

I will very likely only have one (currently 26 weeks pregnant). I would much rather be able to provide everything for one (including university if he wants to go) than struggle with two.

Growing up with a sibling is the reason why I have one child!

I've got an only 6 year old and it's great. She's so easy. Alot of her friends are only children also which helps.

The joys of parenting and family life but we also get to go and enjoy hobbies and have our own lives.

I don't understand the argument around elderly care. It's hard whether you're an only or not. Siblings can cause no end of drama with what's fair/not etc which only adds to the grief. There's an argument to say it's easier dealing with it all alone.

These aren't "circumstances dictating" though.

This is OP pondering whether to choose just one and be done with it.

And yes, I find it equally shite that I have no siblings now, irrespective of whether my parents had that choice made for them or not. I hate being an only.

If I had been prevented from having more that one, for whatever reason, I would have been really sad about it, for them, because I know what it's like.

You'll see other onlies who are really happy being an only.

Neither stance is "right.". But I would implore OP to listen to the opinions of onlies and not the parents who think their decision to have just one child is brilliant and don't want to acknowledge that they chose what they wanted, and won't hear that it was actually shit for their child.

I had ponies, and cats and dogs and travelled loads and went to every club I wanted. Although that's because I had no one else and needed more in my life because of it. Never had to share my parents time, money, energy, priorities. Always the star of my own show. And one day no one to share what will likely be a significant inheritance. I would swap the lot, then and now, for the chance to have a sibling, however that may turn out. My parents will tell you I had the childhood of dreams and what a great thing they did just having the one.

We have one child, who is now 5. I love the lifestyle we have. We could afford a pretty good life with two, but not all the extras that we really want to give our son. Having all the extra time, money and patience/joy is more important to me than a sibling. I have a sibling and we made each others childhoods miserable. I’d rather guarantee my one child an excellent life full of all the things he wants (within reason) than gamble on a sibling and not only definitely give him less by default but possibly make him as sad as I was.

Socially, he’s very good at making friends wherever we go. He’s also very good at entertaining himself (and happy to do so, not just doing it reluctantly) and behaving well when in an adult-only situations.

We only planned to have one and have never once regretted that decision.

We both have siblings ourselves and have strained relationships with them. This definitely contributed to our decision. I just don't think we could have parented siblings very well because of the toxic patterns in our own families.

Our only child is incredibly social so we have to be very proactive about ensuring she has enough opportunities to spend time with other children outside school. Other than that, the benefits in terms of energy, finances, life balance etc are great.

Ours is almost 21 and has never expressed a desire for siblings. We’ve been able to let her do a range of (sometimes expensive, sometimes not) hobbies, and also give her individual time despite us both working very FT stressful jobs. And we’ve been able to juggle our work travel commitments around her needs - I am not sure we could have managed that around 2, and I would have been the one to lose out in my career (which I really enjoy).

I only have one and am also an only child. I’m glad I don’t have siblings, I can’t imagine sharing my parents with anyone else.

My DD has always made friends easily so being an only child has never affected her whilst on holiday/days out etc.

I’ve only ever wanted one and I’m glad it will be staying that way. Don’t get me wrong I see a baby and think ‘oh wow I miss that time’ but then remember that actually I wouldn’t want to do it all over again. Also, I get enough guilt when I’m running around trying to get DD to school and me to work and still can’t always get everything she wants so the thought of doing that with more than one is enough for me to happy with just one.

ultimately, once you’ve had one you more than likely will know within a few months if you’d like more. If you do that’s great but at the same time if you don’t that’s also great. Do what’s best for you and your family x

I have one dd15 and love being a mum of one. I’ve loved every bit of it and get to be the best mum that I can be. Our home is fun and calm. I never lost myself, very rarely stressed and have a good social life and career. Dd is happy having no siblings. She has cousins and lots of friends.

I’m an only child and I am happy. But now I have two children, I do see what I missed out on as a child. My home was very quiet. It was loving and supportive, but it wasn’t much fun. I left at 18 and didn’t come back - not because I didn’t love my parents deeply but because it was very much their home and now I was an adult, rather than ‘our’ family home which is more the dynamic in our madhouse

I would say actually elderly care is one reason I’m very GLAD to be an only child. I saw how it caused rifts with my parents and their siblings. I’m very glad I can make decisions unilaterally when it comes to that. No time or energy wasted on coming to an agreement or resentment about people not pulling their weight

Yes, I don’t feel so strongly but I do have some sympathy with this.
My parents actually tried for 15 years to have another child so I guess I know there was no other option which makes it feel less loaded

It's the norm now in many places. Since kids tend to play with friends more than siblings, and relatively few people are that close to siblings when older, it's fine.

Trust me, when you have two, they moan about how the other is your favourite. No doubt everyone always thinks the grass is greener.

@duod "I’m sure she’ll change her mind when she’s older and grown up and wished she had adult siblings"

Bullshit. What about the millions that grow up and wish they didn't? Countless siblings either don't get on with each other or are pretty indifferent. Or live miles apart and rarely see one another.

yeah they do exist but in a normal average family, the vast vast majority of siblings actually get along and like seeing each other from time to time.

I’m sorry you don’t have it that way but plenty actually do. How about you do a poll on Mumsnet and see for yourself

I wish I was an only, and I have an only 😂. Having wonderful siblings is probably better than being and only child, but being an only child is probably better than having shit siblings 😉

My mum died 3 years ago aged 84. Never ever forgave them for making her an only . Fine if you an actually can’t have another but phenomenal self absorption if you can but choose not to .

I am an only child. I had a great childhood and have a fabulous relationship with my parents.

DD is an only child. Not quite by choice (in that we could have had a second but it would have been risky health wise so we chose not to) but she's 7 now and I am actually quite pleased we only have one.

Obviously there are pros and cons to one and to multiples; no one answer is perfect. But if you only want one don't let people guilt you into having another.

I'm in my 40's with parents with multiple health issues and I still say I'm good as an only child. Maybe some things would be easier if I had a sibling but equally they could be just the same, or they could be harder.

Same here

Have 1, see how you feel. I had zero desire to go again, you can't have an unwanted child on the off chance your 1st child is going to complain on the internet about you.

My sibling is irrelevant in my life. No issues but we arent close and live continents apart. They will be no help for elderly parent care.

I 'chose' not to because I suffered severe PND and didn't want to go through that experience again. How dare you suggest I'm self absorbed. Your poor mother.

I am an only child, and have never wished I had siblings. I had plenty of friends as a kid, was socialised well and am able to make friends easily now. My family was poor growing up and I know only having one child meant I got things - books, clothes, treats - that wouldn't have been possible with siblings in the picture. I have never felt the need for more family, for siblings, or felt a lack of them in my life.

I only have one, she's 25.
Never regretted it, never wanted more.