Expecting a second boy and worrying about coping with two :(

[hopingforapeainapod]

I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant with another boy (I already have a son who is almost 2). I initially had no gender disappointment but as I get further along in my pregnancy I’m starting to get very anxious about the idea of having 2 boys.

DS1 has always been incredibly physically active and literally never ever sits still - he just wants to be running, climbing, exploring the whole time. In the last couple of weeks in particular he has become very boisterous - lots of hitting and throwing things, and whilst his speech is coming along he can get very frustrated at being unable to communicate. I really don’t want to gender stereotype but all my friends / neighbours / family members who have girls seem to be having a MUCH easier time of it - their toddler girls seem to be much calmer, much more gentle, and I am very envious that they can take them to cafes or libraries or ‘quieter’ environments and have them sit still!

Summer has been okay because we have been able to be outside and burn off energy in playgrounds and parks but I have no idea how I’m gonna cope in winter with a newborn when my toddler seems to have zero chill! I just know I’m gonna have my hands super full and I think I’m now wishing we were having a girl because in my head they are ‘easier’. Anyway, positive stories about having 2 boys - or 2 of the same gender but with different temperaments - would be much appreciated!

My dgs is quiet (usually), well behaved, no rough and tumble, a bit timid. His sister on the other hand is boisterous, loud, adventurous and demanding.
You can never tell - your second son will be his own person, so please don’t worry.

If you had 2 girls you'd think boys were easier.

Running round vs sitting still isn't sex related, it's personality/ temperament.

People just notice boisterous boys more because they expect them. And they also encourage that behaviour more in boys than girls.

Calmness doesn't emanate from vulvas.

I had three boys, spaced out at two year intervals, @hopingforapeainapod, and I genuinely found that it was easier going from one child to two, and from two to three. You have all the experience from your first, and that makes handling two so much easier.

I loved having three boys - yes they were full of energy and needed lots of exercise, but they are also very loving.

Congratulations on your impending new arrival - I am sure you will be fine.

@PatCandlestick I do mostly agree with you (I do think there are some biological sex based differences which affect personality /temperament though) so I should have perhaps rephrased my post to say that I’m nervous with having two boys of the same temperament / physicality. I also know that I’m being biased by the small sample size of children I know, which rightly or wrongly or by coincidence or otherwise, seems to fall into stereotypes of girls being calmer and boys being more full on and demanding…

My girl would never sit still. I am not joking that we would be at the park constantly. She was almost like a dog that needed walking all the time. Why do you presume only boys are like this? I got my daughter into football and that has helped.

If it's any consolation my daughter is just like
your DS1 :)

My most active and sporty child was my daughter.

I have 2 boys with a 4 year age gap. They are both as stereotypical as boys go. However, and this is going to sound extremely contradictory, they are so completely different.
My eldest is much calmer, he will sit and draw and read, its his interests that are stereotypical. He is obsessed with dinosaurs, loves stickers, lego, gaming. He's very much into the things that have boys sat still. Although loves going out on his bike/scooter and playing in parks l, running round with his friends and nerf guns. But will equally sit looking at pokemon cards or chatting about the games he plays with his dad on the pc.
My youngest is the boisterous one, forever climbing and throwing himself off things.

They both have firey tempers and take after their dads stubbornness.

However I also work with children and as a poster said upthread temperament has more impact that sex, it tends to be more the expectations of behaviour that makes the stereotype true, because you could say DC2 is a stereotypical second born.

Love that!

I have 2 boys, 2 years age difference. Always made sure we had plenty of time outdoors. Often in the park, all year round, from when ds2 was a baby and in the pram. They are great friends and played together a lot when growing up.

DS was like yours.
DD was so much needier and cried until she was about 3.5 unless part of her was touching part of me. And the broken nights.
Don't get me started on the school friendships and upsets and slithering into the teenage years

Thanks all for sharing your stories - again I should reiterate I’m not trying to reinforce any stereotypes, of course girls can be loud and rough and tumble and all the rest of it too, but I think in my head because I’m having another child of the same sex I am assuming they will be similar personality / temperament, which is why I’m looking for stories to counteract the narrative I’ve built up in my head!

And as much as I dearly dearly love my son he is very full on, and a bit of a ‘wild child’ - and in my tired and emotional pregnant state I just can’t imagine having two of him !!

You'll never have 2 of your current child as he is now.

I have 2 boys and they are totally different in terms of temperament. Often siblings are.

I won't lie to you, the newborn and toddler phase isn't great, nor is the "omg they can both run in opposite directions with no sense of danger" stage. But they are the best of friends, they adore each other and every day I'm so proud of them. Someone once said to me 'the days are long but the years are short' and it's so true. Don't spend the next few weeks obsessing over something you cannot change.

I have two boys and it’s brilliant!!!!!

The house is chaotic, loud, energised, crazy and did I mention LOUD? They are both bundles of unpredictable energy and although it can be frantic it is also wonderful!!

You will be glad to hear though that the noise and chaos is because they are 9 and 12 🤣

When they were younger everything was quieter but still really wonderful. Lots of playing and adventures and mess, but life was definitely quieter back then compared to how it is now. They have always been very different characters as my first born was always quite calm and placid whereas my second has been a total fireball from the start!! They still have their polar opposite personalities in that sense, but in lots of ways they are so similar too which is why I think they have such a strong relationship.

There was obviously a bit of sibling rivalry at the start but when the youngest hit about 6 months old the devotion set in and they love each other so much. Watching their brotherly bond develop and continue to strengthen as the years go by is honestly the most rewarding part of parenting them. They are inseparable. I feel so, so lucky to have them.

Get ready for an exciting ride OP……and although it may be crazy at times, you are going to realise how absolutely awesome it is to have two boys ❤️

My first was a calm, easy girl. My second was a boisterous, loud, never sits still… girl. My third aaa a calm, easy boy.
You never can tell!

Congratulations OP! I think your fears are completely normal especially as your child is in a Lovely but challenging phase. Please remember by the time your newborn is here and on the move your toddler may be in different phase. I’ve got a 2 year old and I’ve found it quite difficult with the big feelings / defiance / need for constant autonomy / meltdowns but things have definitely also got easier as communication and understanding between both of us have got easier. I only have one so can’t give any positive stories but I have plenty of friends and families who have multiple children and everyone seems to get on with it when you have no other choice. I’m sure it’s not always sunshine and butterflies but is also a wonderful blessing and they wouldn’t change it for any other reason.
Im sure you will back on thread in a few years time to reassure someone else !

I’ve got 2 boys. They’re fabulous.

when they were younger (now older teens and beyond) they both needed lots of exercise. They still do tbh but are independent in achieving that now.

I remember one day when ds2 was a matter of weeks old. Ds1 (3) had just had a new bike with stabilisers. It was pouring down but we needed to get out. Ds1 and I had full waterproofs and wellies on. Ds2 was in the pram with the water covers on. I’d just fed him.

i put a rope around the handlebars of the bike and out we went, around the area we live in for a walk / bike ride! Drivers passing by looked me as if i was mad, but it did the 3 of us the world of good! There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.

we’ve also had them dancing in the rain (or under the sprinkler!) in the garden in their pants.

swimming, rugby, skiing, lifeguards, cricket… they’ve done/ do it all.

Be prepared for it to be a bit mad at times. Holidays need to be active too. Run off their energy and then you can really enjoy your dc, whether they’re boys or girls.

My eldest boy was really full on and I was very nervous about having another like him. The first few months with 2 was hard but my second is much more mellow. They're their own people.

I've found my DS 'easier' than my DD in many ways tbh. They have very different personalities and both have different strengths and challenges, but overall I find it generally more straightforward parenting my DS. My DD has sort of grown into herself as she's gotten older but as a toddler was really, really hard work, and as a baby even worse such that everyone used to comment on it. My 2nd DS so far is closer in temperament to my DD which again I'm finding more difficult than with DS.

But really all that I'm trying to say is that they're all different and I don't think sex has anything to do with it. However the way that we and wider society socially stereotype and teach our children, that can influence their behaviour, yes.

That’s lucky, my girl is the most difficult (2 boys and a girl)

I have two boys, very different personalities, but then so similar in other ways! My first is quiet, calm, gentle and my second is much more outgoing.

Someone told me years ago, you never get two the same, that's true.

My boy is my calmest of 3. You may get another high energy child but they are all so different - take it step by step. I found 1-2 very hard for a couple of months but it really did get easier as time went on.

Here is my non MN approved outlook.

Boys are harder as toddlers but mellow out between 5-8. At these ages, the girls start to get much harder. Hang in there.

My elder son was like yours - busy, energetic, fearless, stroppy and needed to run around. A lot. My younger son was calm and easy going, happy to go with the flow. You just don’t know what you’re going to get, personality / temperament wise.

They’re both young adults now, and best mates. And I’m really glad I had two boys.

My 2nd is a girl and she climbs and jumps and swings and runs all the time. My wee boy is happy to sit and play with toys!