Expecting a second boy and worrying about coping with two :(

[hopingforapeainapod]

I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant with another boy (I already have a son who is almost 2). I initially had no gender disappointment but as I get further along in my pregnancy I’m starting to get very anxious about the idea of having 2 boys.

DS1 has always been incredibly physically active and literally never ever sits still - he just wants to be running, climbing, exploring the whole time. In the last couple of weeks in particular he has become very boisterous - lots of hitting and throwing things, and whilst his speech is coming along he can get very frustrated at being unable to communicate. I really don’t want to gender stereotype but all my friends / neighbours / family members who have girls seem to be having a MUCH easier time of it - their toddler girls seem to be much calmer, much more gentle, and I am very envious that they can take them to cafes or libraries or ‘quieter’ environments and have them sit still!

Summer has been okay because we have been able to be outside and burn off energy in playgrounds and parks but I have no idea how I’m gonna cope in winter with a newborn when my toddler seems to have zero chill! I just know I’m gonna have my hands super full and I think I’m now wishing we were having a girl because in my head they are ‘easier’. Anyway, positive stories about having 2 boys - or 2 of the same gender but with different temperaments - would be much appreciated!

I have boy 19, boy 17 & girl 15.

If we'd had the girl first she would be an only child!

Even after the birth, you'll have around a good long while before your second is toddling around. By that time your DS1 might be in nursery and burning off energy! I remember pushing my DS1 on a swing and suddenly despairing at how I'd ever manage to look after 2 at the park. I managed and all was fine.

Now they're 20 and 16 and they can push me on the swings!

I have two boys having previously been surrounded by girls. Love them to bits and I'm not sure they were harder to raise.

Hi - As you can see from my handle, I have sons. 5 of them. In my experience, you may be right that your friends with daughters are having an easier time of it. However, get to that pre-teen/teen age stage and they are MUCH easier and less dramatic than girls. Two will be great. They aren't too far apart in age, so they will be playmates for each other. Most boys get dirtier than girls, are bruised and hurt more often than girls and they are very, very loud. On the bright side, they sure do love their mums. Congratulations!

positive stories about having 2 boys - or 2 of the same gender but with different temperaments - would be much appreciated!

I have two boys. They're very different from each other, both enjoy sports (some in common, some different), and they each have non-sports hobbies. I'm sure I'm biased, but they seem to give all the outward signs of being pretty nice kids.

Also, it's not as though you just wake up one day and find you've got two hulking, physical, uncontrollable teenagers - there are literally years and years between now and then where you get to parent and nurture your boys and help them develop into pro-social people that you and others will enjoy spending time with.

Congratulations! Two boys here too.
The best advice I had was to treat them as you would a couple of healthy Labradors; plenty of love, good food and exercise. Seemed to work for us and I wouldn’t change it for the world .
Wishing you all the best .

5 sons!!!

That sounds amazing!!

My friend has got 4 boys and I’m so jealous.

A woman I used to work with had 6 boys and sometimes she’d have them with her and they were like little Carbon copies of each other. They used to make me smile so much ❤️❤️

How old are your boys and are they similar? Do they have close relationships with each other?

I’ve got 2 daughters and don’t get a moments peace with them. They’re wild! My nephew who is the same age as my eldest (4) is so so calm!

I have two very high energy boys. We just be outside as much as possible and every day takes two days off my lifespan. It's hard. But kids are hard, doesn't matter what's in their pants.

When there’s two boys they can run and be crazy and energise each other. This helps!

also, when they are teenagers you will take back what you said about girls being easier…

I have two boys, 3 years apart and yes they are both active and never stop but that's not a gender thing, I have friends with girls who are the same! I don't find it any worse having two who are active, if anything it's easier they have each other to burn off energy and run after each other. Mine do though happily sit in cafes and sit and read books. They certainly aren't on the go 24/7!

I love having two boys. I always wanted two the same and feel very fortunate to do so. I always found that generally those that have the same gender relationship are normally closer to one another (though I know this isn't the case!). I can't wait to see how they grow as brothers and have that brotherly bond and maybe be each other's best men as they get older.

You'll be absolutely fine OP!

I have 2 boys. They were both full of beans and honestly it was great because they played together so well for many years.
Yes the games are a bit more rough and tumble but you get used to that. Definitely buy decent wet weather clothes for all of you because I found you need to take them outside in all weathers to burn off the energy. Enroll them in sports groups and stuff from a young age, it's a great outlet. I also used to do that in half terms.
My boys are 17 and 19 now and wonderful thoughtful young men who are helpful and caring. I am so proud of them and their hugs are the best !

Thanks again all for sharing your experiences. I think a lot of this is just tied up in nerves about having two kids in general - I know that having two boys close in age will hopefully be great in the long run and of course I am excited to watch them grow up and play together (I am a teacher and have worked at a couple boys schools so I’m not scared of boys by any means and know how wonderful they can be!) I am just finding the toddler phase very testing - there is a lot of boundary pushing at the moment, a lot of ‘no’ and fussing and whining / crying, and things can feel like a real battle often. There are a lot of big emotions which I know is true of every toddler but he can be particularly loud and rambunctious - he is many wonderful things but mellow is not of them!

He’s also very big and strong for his age and so his physicality can be difficult, especially as I get bigger - sometimes I will be doing something with my toddler (like giving him a bath, playing with him at the park, etc) and I just think I have absolutely no idea how I can do this and also have a second child in tow :(

All the skills you have learned as your son has grown, will help you to do these things with a second child in tow, @hopingforapeainapod. Look at how well you manage all the things your child needs now, and compare that to how much you didn't know when he was born, and you will see how much more knowledge and experience you have now - and that will stand you in good stead, I promise.

As I said earlier, I found it much easier going from one child to two, and from two to three, than I did going from no children to one child.

I've got 2 boys, they are 6 and 8. They do have huge amounts of energy but now they can tire each other out. Eldest is happy to sit and draw or build lego for periods of time, youngest is a tornado though and needs to be outside as much as possible. They do both love cuddling up with a book - DS1 reads to DS2 sometimes which is very sweet. Youngest was born early on in the pandemic so there wasn't any sitting in cafes for a long time - we did plenty of picnics though!

Agree with @Whyherewego about getting decent outdoor gear for everybody (especially you!) so you can get out and about in all weathers without feeling cold and fed up. A travel mug of coffee perks up any walk/playground trip as well, or bigger parks and playgrounds sometimes have a coffee kiosk/van.

My brother has 2 girls, different challenges but definitely not any easier than boys!

I totally understand where you’re at. My first DS was tiring - a big strong bundle of energy, stroppiness, neediness, sensitivities but gave great hugs and smiles. Love him to bits but usually found myself physically and emotionally exhausted at the end of the day. When I discovered I was having a second boy, I did have a few weeks of thinking “how will I handle two boys”, and also coming to terms with the fact I’d never experience parenting a girl. I do believe temperament is stronger than sex in predicting the child you’ll get, but like you, think many (not all) boys have higher explosive energy levels than girl toddlers.
When my second son was born, he was a totally different child. Different skin tone, different coloured eyes, totally different hair colour, would feed to satiate hunger then be off staring at his hands or window etc, whereas my first never wanted to leave the breast. Within the first 24 hours I had the feeling of “I shouldn’t have worried about a second boy, I’ve got a second person who I need to get to know”.
My boys are also 2 years apart, I found from when the youngest was around 18 months old, they became thick as thieves. Finding activities they love together will buy you quiet time (maybe not in a cafe, but definitely on a park bench). Mine love riding bikes together and will be content for hours (now aged 3 &5)
Best wishes for a safe delivery and let us know what you feel when your next little guy arrives

Boys girls 9 of them and one set of twins notice no difference they are all different in energy levels, communication levels etc

I have a boy and a girl and of the two, my dd is by far the most difficult, climbing stuff, flipping off things, doing stupid stuff, breaking arms. My ds is very easy in comparison. He’s literally been quietly building Lego for the past 6 hours.

I have 2 girls.

DD1 is your "stereotypical girl" gentle, sensible, calm. Will sit for hours and draw or craft. Reliably well behaved in public and is a joy to go out with to a cafe or shopping etc and thoroughly enjoys these type of trips.
DD2 - complete opposite. Cannot sit still, wants to be on the go constantly and needs the physical energy burn. Going to a cafe or shopping is not fun with her or for her but she'd happily go for a 5 mile bike ride and be an absolute delight where DD1 would be moaning after the first mile that she's tired or hungry or something hurts or asking when we'll be home.
They're so different!

It is without a doubt hard having a toddler and a baby but you do just manage. Don't put to much pressure on yourself and just take each day as it comes, as long's everyone's fed, watered and clean that's your priority for the next year and believe me it slips by before you know it. Sometimes the days might feel long but the weeks, months, years disappear before you know it.

3 boys here. They need exercising multiple times a day, whatever the weather - so get appropriate gear for all of you and stay outside. They mellow out eventually, 6&10yos are pretty chill now. Our house is always loads of fun!

Hi! In my brood I have one single birth, then two sets of twins, within 4 years. They are young adults now. They are close, but my oldest is the odd man out. The twins are very close to their twin and the other set. Set #1 - one is 6'1" 240 and very mature. His twin is 5'8" and has two speeds - high and off. He was the one who was always hurt from sporting event and nothing makes him happier that drinking at the pub with his friends. The tall one is the caretaker of the two. Set #2 - very athletic, tons of friends, pretty typical 20 something young men. They are physically very similar and not tall. I don't know where the height came from for my one tall one!

They all have great jobs. Two live out of state - my oldest and the shorter of my first twins. That has been tough for me. The mature one still lives at home with us, working and saving every penny and the youngest ones are in the same town but living in a flat. We see them almost every day. :)

It wouldn’t matter if you were having a girl because your toddler would still be who he is and the baby would still just be a baby for now. The next year would look the exact same.

Girls are worse! You are overthinking and being ridiculous .

I have three boys and initially was a bit disappointed but it’s brilliant. They are cuddly as young men, kind, were funny as children, had a real mix of interests. Take them to things like ballet, musical theatre, craft clubs if you are paying for clubs in the future not just stereotypical boys activities