Keep hearing people say it’s easier the more children you have? Is it really?

[TurtleTreasure]

I have 4 children and I keep hearing “the more children you have the easier it is” am I crazy for not finding this the case? I don’t regret my decision but it definitely does not feel “easier” the rare times I’m with just one of them I can’t believe how much easier it is, even with 2 it’s a lot easier, we went to a local splash park and it was just so much easier not having to pack so much stuff and even just keeping an eye on two children instead of 4, the days when only one is at home (say if the others are at school) it’s so much more relaxed and quieter, I hear it’s easier because they occupy each other or play together but often my children argue a lot, there can be lots of teasing or bickering or they ask or expect me to play with them (often see people assuming it’s only children that expect this) and financially it cost a lot more. Is it really true the more you have the easier it is? Or is it down to what dynamics there are how many boys vs girls?

i would be interested to know whether it’s people with single children who say this because they think siblings play together as if they have a friend round the whole time. When anyone with more than one child knows that sibling bickering is one of the most exhausting elements of parenting.

In reality, you have 4 x the laundry, 4 x homework parents evening running around to various things. It’s nonsense that 4 children are easier than 1!

I only have three this weekend as one of mine is away, I’ve been looking forward to the rest!

I’ve known lots of people to say it, people with one child and people with multiple

No? I said I’m happy with my decision and wouldn’t change it. I can’t give you the links because this was on Facebook and people have said it on this thread and that they’ve heard people say it 🤷‍♀️

There’s some truth in it I think. A teeny bit. But most people are probably talking about the jump from 1->2 being a lot less than 0->1, how younger siblings have to get used to sleeping on the go, how you’ve already got all the stuff, can recognise standard childhood illnesses etc. I also think if you have 2-3 reasonably close in age and once they’re out of toddlerhood it can be easier on things like days out and holidays because they play together.

However, anyone saying 5+ kids is easier, and especially if you’re finding this ‘online’ I’d assume has some pro life religious trad wife type agenda and/or is relying heavily on the older kids (probably the girls) to parent the younger ones.

My mum use to say it as well and she had 6 and she definitely wasn’t religious or using the older ones to help (both oldest were boys) hed reason being that multiple kids can play together, I have seen it said in all sorts of places not just online friends and family have said it as mention in my previous post.

Nail on the head. With more than 1, you can "throw" them out together and the elder ones look after the younger ones, likewise when they play together within the house. When you only have 1, "you" have to look after them 24/7 as there's no one else for them to play with, draw with, read with, etc.

Parenting 6 kids 1980/1990s style probably was a lot easier than 3-4 in 2026! Kids had a lot more freedom and were a lot more independent at an earlier age. Expensive hobbies and activities were less common. Probably less pressure on mums to work. Cheap play school in the church hall when you wanted a break. More of a ‘village’ to help out. Etc. etc.

From my observations, I dont think its easier - I do think you care less about some things. You basically dont give a shit as much about stuff like clean/ tidy house, clean clothes, etc etc as when you have one. I dont mean it in a bad way - I'm not suggesting neglect - but I have seen it many times: parents of multiple kids pick their battles, so to speak.

The extra UC must help.

This is what I came here to say.

Is it actually easier? Or is it that it becomes virtually impossible to give each child proper responsive attention. We’ve all seen the ‘jokes’ about how your first born is fed hand crafted super healthy first foods, but by the time your third child is starting solids they get whatever everyone else is eating, and other versions.

I know a local family with eleven (yes, 11) children. They are all children to the same couple. It's not a blended family. The mum is very young looking, in her early 40s now. Eldest is roughly 23yo, youngest is 8 months old. 7 girls, 4 boys.

I can’t say I have ever, ever heard anyone say having more kids is easier, in fact it’s the opposite. My mum had four and said it was too many! I fear you may be trying to convince yourself OP in reading your replies!!

It may depend on parenting style - I have friends who make parenting three look so easy, but they’re also incredibly relaxed, almost horizontal!! Then I have friends with two who I’ve genuinely never seen more stressed. I have one because I know I’d be the latter, and I absolutely don’t think I’d find having more children easier!

Objectively, there are more people to worry about, you’re stretched thinner, you have less one-to-one time with each child and less time for yourself or your marriage, childcare needs increase, costs increase, homework time increases etc etc. Of course they can play together and entertain each other, and I get why that might make things easier for some parents, but that’s only at times. So yes I wouldn’t agree with that statement!

It’s just different I think! I have 4 and they all get on well and yes always played with each other, chatted and kept each other company etc, but my god trying to keep track of everything- the things they like, health stuff, dental appointments, clothes- and I’m not a super organised or clean person myself so it’s hectic! Then the guilt of one getting something, or one being celebrated/ getting attention. I don’t think it’s easy whether it’s one or more though, kids are hard full stop imo!!!

No, it absolutely isn't true.

I have heard this as well but only in reference to certain aspects of parenting, mostly that multiple children will play together. I think this is certainly true for some families - my siblings and I definitely played for hours on end without adult intervention, but that was the 80s when parents weren't terrified of letting their children out of sight. We had a great time!
I also know two mums with 5 children and both said that once you've had 2, you might as well have five because it doesn't get any harder. I doubt that! I have 3 and of course it's more work than having 1 - more people talking at you, more demands for attention, more laundry etc. But I think a part of the difficulty is down to modern parenting ideals (eg letting a 9 year old walk home alone or not playing with your 5 year old is neglect), and the fact that our homes are so stressful to live in due to the amount of toys, clothing, technology and just generally stuff (which increases with every additional family member).

@TurtleTreasurethe person who said this to me had 4 but they were all adults by then so maybe she had rose tinted glasses or wasn’t thinking of the younger years!

I had 5. I don’t know about ‘easier’, but by the time I had number 5, I’d seen everything kids can throw at you - nits, worms, falling downstairs, broken wrist, eczema, tummy bugs, getting lost, starting school etc - and I was older, calmer and much better organised. I certainly found the first five years with five kids easier than the first five years with two. There was more to do, but I was more experienced at childcare, so did it more efficiently with less stress.

We have three and they are close in age and get on really well so we're fortunate.

I think I would find having one the hardest for various reasons.

But have never heard that the more you have the easier it is! Swings and roundabouts, its dependent on so many different factors isnt it.

But you’ve just said one is the hardest in your opinion meaning more is easier?

People have said it on this thread

I’ve heard it said a lot in ‘real’ life.

Which always amuses me as it’s generally said by people with one or two children considering more. I have 6 and I have never said it.

The only people with larger families I’ve heard say anything like it is more that the jump from 3 to 4 or 4 to 5 is easier than the jump from no kids to 1 or 1 to 2.

It’s easier if they all entertain each other - so the bigger kids (now adults in my case) playing together and the small kids playing together and nobody wanting the same toys, or if they do playing together and happily playing the same game with the same rules for the same length of time… for the afternoon a year that happens in sync then yes, it’s easier then one child you have to entertain. The other 364.5 days a year is not easier 😂

It's only easier if you let your older kids bring up your younger ones. I have seen this in action and the parents seemed to spend less time parenting than many parents with just a couple of kids.

I do think parents with multiple children tend to be more relaxed about standards though. There is definitely no helicopter parenting going on once you have a lot of children.

The more you have the older the eldest ones are so you can make the older ones help you with the younger ones.

I have a 5yo 2yo and am pregnant, it would be alot easier if I had a 10yo and a 15 yo and an 18yo working for me.

I could see how it might be good if they get on I guess, mine fight so much it’s way easier when it’s just one of them

Mine are fighting for the millionth time today 😓