Keep hearing people say it’s easier the more children you have? Is it really?

[TurtleTreasure]

I have 4 children and I keep hearing “the more children you have the easier it is” am I crazy for not finding this the case? I don’t regret my decision but it definitely does not feel “easier” the rare times I’m with just one of them I can’t believe how much easier it is, even with 2 it’s a lot easier, we went to a local splash park and it was just so much easier not having to pack so much stuff and even just keeping an eye on two children instead of 4, the days when only one is at home (say if the others are at school) it’s so much more relaxed and quieter, I hear it’s easier because they occupy each other or play together but often my children argue a lot, there can be lots of teasing or bickering or they ask or expect me to play with them (often see people assuming it’s only children that expect this) and financially it cost a lot more. Is it really true the more you have the easier it is? Or is it down to what dynamics there are how many boys vs girls?

I have never heard this said by anyone anywhere, and I can’t believe it’s true. I think two may be easier than one if they are close in age and happy to do the same things, though.

I found having two children so difficult that I would never have had any more. Much depends on the actual children, some demand more from you than others.
There is no way I could possibly have coped with four.

A friend has 5 children.

She told me one was a shock to the system, two was more than double the work of one, three was absolute chaos and the hardest stage, four was getting smoother and, oddly, seemed easier than three and five was a breeze

People used to say it because it was considered normal for the older ones to look after the younger ones (and I suppose they had no choice then, but kids of primary age doing childcare and quite taxing/dangerous household tasks apparently really was the norm).
These days, most people are anti-parentification, so no, I don't know anyone who says more are easier, and teacher friends say many of the larger households seem to struggle (not all, of course).

I used to find having friends over for kids was easier. So I might have said “the more the merrier” and always hosted the play dates as i did find that easier… but more kids isn’t easier though I wouldn’t have wanted just one.

My Dsis will tell anyone that will listen that 4 is easier than smaller numbers. But then again her parenting style is so ‘relaxed’ it borders on neglect.
My eldest is 5 and I wouldn’t dream of giving him the responsibility of looking after a baby (or two..) like she did.

Hmm it’s easier as time goes on. For example I have a 4th child with a large age gap from the other 3 and she is so much easier. They play with her and my eldest has even watched her. They can fetch things.

It's nonsense. I would never have coped with 4 children.

I found two easier than one.

That's the rubbish that parents of one try to tell themselves...they think kids with siblings play nicely and get along 24/7...the reality (in my own experience) was that I basically spent the first 8 years of my second DCs life, being a stressed referee...!!

See I do think having other kids over IS easier ..it seems to break up the sibling dynamic and make things temporarily more fun.

My god, even just talking about the early years is breaking me out in a cold sweat! I'm SOOOO relieved mine are older now. It was hell. A wonderful, exhausting, frustrating, but lovely kind of hell 🤣 but I'm glad it's over!

I have 5 and find it quite easy (and have definitely frequently said ‘it’s easier the more you have’). The fifth just slotted in to family life, which by that point was well set up. I actually don’t ask my older ones to help with the younger but they spend hours playing together and they naturally do help a bit. I actively try to avoid the older ones parenting the younger though and ask them not too. One of mine does have special needs which is more challenging and means that everyone helps out sometimes.

Never heard that! I have heard that having a second is not twice the work but quadruple, and as I have two I tend to agree. I also have two stepchildren, one who lived with us full time. But he was a teen so didn’t need me ‘hands on’. But it certainly wasn’t easier by any measure!

More kids = lower standards.
But it doesn't get easier 😂
Maybe once you have 3, your life is already a shitshow so it doesn't really get worse and you stop caring so much?

What a load of shit!

I have three. You’re posting horse shit.

It means you get more experienced at parenting. It’s not a saying about numbers and more is easier. Obviously it’s not but it’s about parental capability and the learning curve. It’s like the more you ride a bike the easier it gets!

I always thought it meant the 3rd one is easier to because you’ve already practiced on 2 already so you know what your doing ie in the feeding, nappies, and that kind of stuff! You are more experienced- not that having physically more children at once to bring up is easier.

That's what my mum did I was the unpaid nanny 🤬 I made lunch I did the school run my mum just stayed in bed ☹️

I only had 3 sonot a very big family and going g to sit on the fence by saying it depends on what you mean by easier! Having each other to play with was brilliant, this relieved some of the need to entertain them. The squabbling between 3 was less intense than between 2 but I had 3-4 yr age gaps so less competition maybe. Cooking and shopping I didn't notice any real difference until teenage years. Washing, that increases with each child! Another set of bedding, another towel etc. Financially is where it gets harder the more you have. There is less per head at birthdays, Christmas, holidays and for clubs and activities etc and this adds to the stresses of parenting when they come home with a letter about a school trip and you have to remember if you say yes you will have to go the same for the others when the time comes.

@Missey85 Yes. It’s the big danger in large families. My grandmother used to tell me I didn’t help my dm enough. I was too busy being a child myself. Interesting that my Dsis got her eldest to make packed lunch and take younger ones to school. I always think don’t have dc if you want the older ones to be mum!

I’ve read the phrase on Mumsnet but I’ve never actually heard anybody say it in real life! I don’t think most people think it gets easier the more children you have and that is a big part of the reason why most people have one or two these days.

I have two DC and unless something unexpected happens I will not be having any more because I know I would find it extremely hard and I don’t think I’d cope very well.

The one thing I could see being easier is that as you become a more experienced parent you understand more about the stages of childhood and how to deal with illnesses etc. However, I don’t think it would be easier in terms of feeding, cleaning, looking after etc as having more children will be more work.

I’d be interested in links to all the places you apparently see this online, because I don’t think anyone has ever said it, other than possibly some ‘Quiverfull’ type loon — because it’s patently untrue!

Ate you actually saying you had four children because you believe people who told you the more you had, the easier it was? Despite that being obvious nonsense?

I don't know anyone with more than 2 children. Because it's unbelievably hard and incredibly expensive for most people.

It depends on your style of parenting. I found having a second one very easy - he just had to fit into the routine of his older sibling. I had friend who had five and would cook dinner with the baby in a sling.