Sorry? What do you mean I have to share my kids with you at Christmas?

[Spiderplantqueen]

This is a bit light hearted but definitely an element of truth to it.

My eldest dd is visiting this Xmas - first time she’s been home in years in that period of time. Her sisters (school age) are very excited. She lives in another country basically on the other side of the planet.

In preparation for this last year I offered ex the chance to have the kids all day last Christmas Day so I could have them all day this year. He said no that he already had plans. That visiting DD was a me problem - not his problem 🥴

Dropped the kids off at 4. The previous year he was supposed to pick them up from mine at 4 but he decided that actually 2pm was better so the kids had to rush their dinner as he was already on his way.

It’s a fucking liberty that I even have to do this - when we separated he didn’t have the kids over night for 2 years because of shit excuses . It was me who stayed solid and just plodded on doing the boring mum things like making sure they had their stuff for school, winter coats, sports clubs, warm home to live in, clean clothes - all the boring stuff that parents are supposed to do - whilst he took them to the odd trampoline park for few hours a weekend.

Now he has a GF and the kids actually have a bed to sleep in we’ve got to share Christmas 🧐

Yes I do have a running tally.

As parents we are not equal so why do we have to do equal Christmas’s? Why can’t it be made on merit?

12 full payments of CSA ✅
Sticking to the divorce stipulations ✅
Paying fair share of uniform & school costs✅

But no it just goes of DNA apparently

Both kids want to stay all day here because their older sister is here. One of them feels guilty - the other doesn’t give a shit.

It’s going to be the hill that I die on.

Bit shit init?

Ever the helpful poster aren’t you Lexible?

Why on earth did you jump to his orders last year? I’d have made him sit outside till 4pm.
Similarly, just keep the kids on Christmas Day. There’s absolutely nothing he can do about it. He can have them the next day.

No worries! And I heartily endorse your suggestion about where the ex can shove it.

More likely women full stop. Ignore it.

It's in the OP. That's what the poster was referring to. ETA, sorry I see you've already addressed this.

In preparation for this last year I offered ex the chance to have the kids all day last Christmas Day so I could have them all day this year

I spend every other Christmas without seeing my DC, as does my ex, because it's better for them to be able to have a relaxed fun day and not to be going back and forth.
What do you suggest OP should do, make her children unhappy because their very part time father clicked his fingers?

"A child is for life,not just for Christmas" A wee twist to the Dogs Trust advert from years ago
This is what I quoted to my ex when he was being equally ridiculous. He ranted and ranted but I stuck with it. He never did a sleepover, did 1 after school a week, never took them on holiday and made maintenance payments a handful of times. No court order.

In my perspective - no. They idolise her. They are excited - as she is. There is a lot of firsts happening this Xmas. We’re going to get the fire going and bed in. I’m not having our Xmas dinner disturbed like it was last time. The kids deserve a full on Xmas day with their sister as they won’t get one again for a while.

They are with their dad 60/40 (to me) so see him regularly - they don’t with their sister. He will literally pick them up at in the afternoon and have them back at 10am the next day. He will do presents then get a migraine then slope of to bed and the girls will just doss in their room all night. It’s rare they sit as a family.

And frankly I find it strange that you had to point out she was a half sister. I never raised them as ‘half’s’ anything. They are my three kids and I’m their mother.

They even have a necklace that splits in to three…

Ex will have a different perspective obviously but after reading the responses of this thread I’m right to dig my heels in.

As a side note - he didn’t even see them on Father’s Day this year - as he had plans. So this is just an arm wrestle because I asked.

I had an ex like this. He had them for 2 hours a week. I did the remaining 166. Christmas was mine. He was welcome to pop in and see them on Christmas day, and he got boxing day.

Youngest was scrabbling about ‘dads coming dads coming’

It would have stressed her out knowing he was outside waiting.

Im going to suggest this - it will get declined I’m sure but at least the offer is there

"And frankly I find it strange that you had to point out she was a half sister. I never raised them as ‘half’s’ anything. They are my three kids and I’m their mother."

I'm the eldest of my mum's three kids, and grew up with my brother and sister from her marriage to my stepdad. There was never any "half" thing about any of it and we are all still close enough to go on summer holidays together 30 years after the youngest sibling left school.

At ages 10 and 14 they will know who they want to spend Christmas day with. Probably in their own rooms with their own things - but maybe not.

The Court would say that children are entitled to a relationship with both of their parents. With little ones I would say they should wake up with their mum, but again this is not always the case.
Please let us know what the young people feel about this?

At their ages I think the DC should be able to choose if they want to stay with you on Christmas day.
There is no court order, so just leave it till nearer the time and tell him he is welcome to Boxing Day.

@Spiderplantqueen i am on your side op. Don’t give in .
Curious to know how your going to play it . Will you wait untill he asks about Xmas and reply with “oh no I told you last year the kids are staying home with me “
How will you deal with him contacting or guilt tripping the kids ? If one already to upset and rushing last year when he was on his way .

Think the court would frown on that. Given that he made it clear last year that he didn’t care it was because their sibling was visiting. The courts believe that parents should support contact with half siblings. A deliberate effort to prevent that would not go well.

It was in time when OP offered last year…